its been a long time

[isc]

i havent been on here in a long time, and tbh i always feel kinda fraudulent posting in this section but seems like the best place to put this

I pick at the skin around my nails/cuticles, when I'm stressed, worried, upset, uncomfortable, etc. I've done it for years on and off. Cut a few times, but it never became a habit. I was really down when I was doing my A levels and it was at its worst then, my parents hated me picking and I hid it as much as I could. I took a picture at the time, I don't really know why, and found it a couple of years later and was horrified by what I'd done and how bad it was. Completely hadn't realised at the time. Everythings been fairly good for the last couple of years and its not really been an issue.

I'm now in my final year at uni and obviously the stress is ramping up a bit and I'm doing it again, although nowhere near as bad as previously. My boyfriend has noticed a couple of times and said to stop. I think he thinks I was doing it absent-mindedly, which is kinda true and kinda not, and I just dodged it tbh as I feel really uncomfortable discussing it. I never want to do it more than when someones telling me not to. I kinda feel like I should tell him everything, but I dont really want to, I dont like discussing it and its not really an issue, but I just know its gona come up again and he'd be really hurt by the fact I hadnt told him.

Guess what I'm really asking is has anyone been in any kind of similar situation, and how did it turn out?

[PassedExpectations]

i bite my nails (though less than i used to) and have picked my skin to having sores at times... for me what helped most was to have something else in my hands to mess with. i found a malleable art eraser the most helpful. i could pick at that instead of my skin...

[Delephynite]

Yo.

I don't know if you're aware but what you're doing has a name; dermatillomania.

I also do this although I also do it when I'm bored as well as stressed, worried, etc. It drives my other half insane & he's taken to tickling me if he catches me doing it (I hate being tickled so it works as a distraction & some kinder adversion therapy) I completely understand what you're saying about wanting to do it more when someone tells you to stop. Again, I'm the same, hence the tickling because if he tells me to stop my brain automatically thinks "**** you. I'm gonna do it more".

Maybe if you're not ok with having a full blown conversation with him you can simply ask him to hug you if he sees you doing it as this will help to reassure you and make you feel better.

I recommend getting something to keep your hands busy that you can keep in your bag. Tangle beads are quite good. http://www.tangletoys.com/

If you don't have the money to buy one then pop to your local pharmacy and pick up an NHS quit kit for free as they stick one in there.

[isc]

Thanks for the replies. I don't really do it much in front of him, its more that he notices the state of my fingers. I don't really want to stop tbh, I kinda enjoy it in a weird way.
I feel I owe it to him to explain if it comes up again, I just don't really want to. I'm worried he'll think less of me

[KariNicole]

I do that too and for the exact same reasons! Only i pick at the skin on my lip instead. I never even knew it had a name until i came on here lol. But yeah i find that i wont do it if i put chapstick or something on or when people are around. The latter, though, is cause (I'm highly suspicious) i have social anxiety as well as the generalized anxiety me, friends, and family are sure i have. Otherwise, i find having something to keep my hands busy helps - usually it ends up being the cord for my headphones, or my ring, and sometimes my necklace.

[Opheliac13]

Hey.
I just wanted to let you know that it's not "fraudulent" posting in this thread. Your form of self harm is just as "real" or "valid" as anyone else's. What matters is that you feel the need to damage your body for emotional reasons, not what the actual damage is.
In regards to your boyfriend, I would just say that you do it when you're stressed and that the best thing to do if he notices it is just to give you a hug, or whatever would make you feel a bit better.
Hope that helps. :)

[isc]

Thanks :) i know thats true when i think rationally about it, but i can't always make myself act on things even when i know logically they are true. I think i'm just going to have to try and be super-organised next term so stuff doesn't build up, i'm desperately trying to catch up on stuff from this term at the mo and altho i'm not there yet, i'm feeling more in control and i haven't picked at my fingers for a week, i'm just worried about next term. The thought of not being up to date when i get back terrifies me as theres no way I'll have time to catch up during term

[Opheliac13]

it sounds like you're trying hard and doing well! try not to worry about next term. I know it's easier said than done. I'm pretty scared about going back to school as well. But it's better just to live day by day. You're working through the stuff from last term, so just feel proud that you're doing that and not hurting yourself. that's a big acheivement! :)

[Celticroots]

There's nothing fraudulent about it. Self-harm is self-harm, regardless of how bad it is, how you do it, or how often you do it. No type of self-harm is any less "valid" than any other type. All self-harm is serious.

Take care!