They think that my dad, my lovely lovely daddy, might have cancer. It's not confirmed yet, he has been referred to the specialist hospital up in London. But that is what they think.
I don't know how to do this.
I don't know how to go through this again.
I am trying to hang on to the hope that is has not been definitely confirmed yet, it might not be. But at the same time, it is what they think and so at the moment we have to go with that.
We lost my wonderful mummy in August 2011 to cancer. It has only been 16 months since my mummy died. It was only two years before my lovely mummy died that my nan died from cancer.
I know it is different. My mum had a type of cancer where the prognosis was always very very bad, the survival rates were very low. This is different. The survival rates are higher.
But I am so terrified. I am so so so scared and I don't know what to do, it just hurts so much. I watched my lovely mummy deteriorating and fading and in so much pain and so sad about everything, and I am so terrified that my dad will have to go through all this too.
I don't know when they will be able to tell us for definite, and I don't know how certain they are, I just know that they think it might be.
I could really, really do with any kind of support.
Sorry for length/thank-you.
Try to remember that your dad has very very likely got a good chance of surviving this, if it even is cancer. I know your experience with your mum will be scaring you, but people DO survive cancer, much much more than they used to. It doesn't have to mean you are going to lose him.
Of course it will be hard if he is feeling ill and stuff, but I really hope that its something treatable and he will be ok!
That's terrible to hear :( I lost my mum to cancer two years ago as well. Just remember, there's always hope. Cling to it, its not as bad as your mum. I can't tell you he won't be in pain, but it'll all be good for the good, so he can get well again.
I have no advice but wanted to send you massive hugs. My thoughts are with you and I desperately hope that, whatever happens, your dad and you will both be okay.
I'm so sorry to hear this lovely. I don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know am thinking of you and sending you and your family warm thoughts. We are here for you xxx
Oh love, I'm so sorry to read this thread. You really don't deserve all of the bad things that are happening you and I can really understand why you would fear for your Dad because of your Mum. I'm sending massive cuddles your way right now.
Try to look at this positively. The survival rates of the cancer your Dad may have are significantly higher, so there is a high likelihood he will survive. Is there anyone that you can talk to about all this? Your family or friends?
I've told two of my friends, but I haven't told them much - I guess there's not much to say at the moment anyway. I don't want to bring them down too much and I'm scared of sounding silly because we don't know much/ anything yet. I don't know who in my family knows yet, if anyone. I am closest to my mum's side of the family, but I'm pretty sure they won't know yet.
I am trying to be positive and hope that it is not confirmed, maybe it will be something else. And whatever it is they know now (or will know soon) and can do something about it. And I don't want to sound (on here or in real life) like I'm just negative about everything all the time. But it is hard not to be terrified because you hear that word and it just takes over everything and I can't bear the thought of losing my lovely daddy. Which is jumping way too far ahead because treatments are good and my mummy was in a very, very, very bad way. But it's still hard.
We were sort of hoping for 2013 to be a better year. It's looking like it will be a hard few months now at least. But we will try to be positive. And I will try to be strong. But I don't feel very strong. I sat in my car earlier and I cried so much. I feel like completely breaking down and it hasn't even been confirmed yet.
Oh, I really wish you and your father the best of luck. If it is cancer, it is increasingly treatable now, and more and more people are surviving.
It must be very hard drawing comparisons between your mum and your dad, but this isn't the same; it sounds like they've caught it (if it is It) early and the prognosis will probably be much better.
Have you been able to speak to your dad about it?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I haven't really spoken to my dad about it at all, although he only had his appointment and told me they think it's cancer yesterday, so there hasn't been much time I guess. We're not very big 'talkers' in my family, my mum was the one who always got us to talk about things. We tend to just keep everything to ourselves.
My dad's out tonight and I was out until midnight too. And I got home and I was going to just get something to eat, 'cos I've been ill today so not eaten anything, and then bed. And I got home and my brother's gone out for the weekend and left every light on, dirty plates everywhere, empty food packets everywhere, washing up all in/by the sink. The house is a mess. This is not anything new, my dad and I always do his tidying up and washing up and everything. But I just wish it could just be done. And if it is cancer and my daddy is ill I will take over everything even more, like I have done since my mummy died. My dad and I do everything and share it all, I have taken over the organising of things. And obviously if he is ill I will take over and do everything else too.
And I know it doesn't sound like anything. It's not really anything, it's just my family, my brother has always been messy. But tonight I just couldn't deal with it. I just wanted to come in and eat something and sleep because I feel ill and I can't relax while it all needs doing, and I just wish I could get some help with some of it. So instead I went outside and I sat somewhere round the corner and I have just sat there for 2.5 hours and cried non-stop.
I feel like everything is falling apart and I'm so frightened and I'm so selfish because I should be happy to do it all, and I am happy to help obviously, but I'm just so tired and scared and stressed and it's not even confirmed if it's cancer yet, so maybe I'm just worrying for nothing. But they think it is, and it might be, and just the word is unbearable, and I will have to be the strong one and the positive one again and I'm not anything of those things. I'm just a stupid, selfish, horrible person and I don't know how to cope with it.
You don't sound selfish at all, Liv, you sound scared, which is understandable considering the circumstances. I think that anyone in your position would be worrying like you are now and I can reassure you that you don't sound negative or anything like that. You ar writing how you feel and talking, which is no bad thing.
It sounds as though you have an immense amount of pressure on you right now and you feel the need to hold it together for everybody else. With things like chores around the house, could you ask your brother to get involved, too, so that the onus isn't completely on you all the time?
Perhaps see if you can have a sit down with your Dad and openly (as much as you can) talk about what it might mean if he has cancer. That might make things less scary for you and, like you say, it is, most likely, treatable, it's just what happened with your Mum makes it seem more frightening. Anybody would be similar in your position so please don't beat yourself up about that.
Thank-you, I really appreciate it. I am trying really hard not to be too negative, I think I sound more negative online because I'm trying to be extra positive at home (especially since we don't know anything for sure yet) but then all those worries are there and it just helps to write them and acknowledge them a bit.
We do try to get my brother to tidy up sometimes, but I am not holding out much hope haha. I love him to pieces but it is the one thing that drives me mad about him.
My dad tried to bring it up a bit today. He's starting seeing someone recently, and he said she wants to be there for him and that she wants to support me as well. I haven't met her yet though, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. But if it helps him to know that I'm ok and that she can talk to me then I guess I'll get used to that.
I have done some more research today, but it's difficult until a) it's confirmed and b) they know more. He's got a choice of two hospitals apparently (I think both in London). I know surgery is the preferred option, and then radiotherapy. Apparently chemotherapy doesn't help much with eye cancer, so I suppose one positive is that he won't have to go through the horrible chemo. I just have no idea how it works really - like, if they can do surgery then...maybe it's just *gone*, just like that (with the follow-up checks of course). So maybe within a few weeks it will all be ok again. Or maybe they'll do radiotherapy also. Just got to wait and find out I guess. I know they do everything they can to save sight, but if they have to they will remove the eye, and if it comes to that it will obviously be a lot of adapting for him, and probably for us too. But we just don't know yet, that is jumping far too far ahead again.
I wish I had some magical words to make all this better for you my lovely, but I send lots of love your way. After everything you've gone through, this just isn't fair so I hope that they manage to treat your dad quickly. Chemo is awful, I'm glad it doesn't look like he has to have that and I know when my brother had radiotherapy, he was pretty well and it was effective for him. I've got everything crossed for you and feel free to PM me if you want to talk or anything.
Take care,
Lanny xxx
You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"
It's really positive that your dad has tried to talk to you about it. And also that the "someone new" in his life is offering to support you. Whether you accept that support or not is up to you, but I think that by her offering it, she is showing that she is genuine and will understand how hard this is for you.
Sounds like this cancer will be very treatable if its localised to the eye and early stage so please try not to worry. Even losing an eye is not a big deal and wouldn't need any major adjustments really.
She sounds like a nice person (and if my dad likes her I am absolutely certain she will be a nice person!), it will just be awkward at first I guess. My dad says she's worried I won't like her (apparently the last relationship she was in the other family 'didn't approve' of her), but I have assured him I don't have a problem with her. It's just I suck at meeting new people/talking/social situations. And I'm sort of worried she won't like me and will think I'm stupid also. And slight concerns about 'betraying' my mum. But that is just the little irrational side of me because I know it's not and I want him to be happy so much. I just suck at communicating.
I am feeling more positive now on the whole, I guess it takes a while to sink in once you hear that word. But like said, so long as there are no complications (and there are no reasons there should be), it should be easily treatable hopefully, and that is really all we can ask for. :)
My dad is worried of course, although we haven't really talked much. But that is obviously understandable. He's got his appointment on Friday now, they've got it through very quickly, so it's good that's it's been sorted early if it does get confirmed as cancer (still holding out for that small chance it's not). So I will go with him and be there. :)
Thank-you again for the replies, it really does help. xx
So sorry to hear about your dad Liv, and I understand how scared and upset you must be. Like you said though, if it does turn out to be that, then I'm sure they'll have caught it early and it won't turn out the same - I know how you must feel after your mum, but remember things don't always turn out the same - people overcome cancer every day, so keep your hope there. :) And if at any point you want to talk about it, or anything you know where I am. :)
On the note of the woman your dad's seeing, I know how difficult it must be to meet new people - but hey, you met me! And I really enjoyed talking to you, and thought you're a lovely person, so I'm sure you'll find the same with her. And in terms of the 'betrayal' side of it, I know what you mean, but I'm almost certain your mum would want you all to be happy, your dad, and you as well - to know there's someone to look after everyone, and (without replacing her of course, as nobody could) be a female 'role-model' or presence, as someone who could be a friend and someone to turn to, for womanly advice and chat.
Obviously you both have your dad's best interests at heart, and that already gives you something in common, something to bond over. Just don't put yourself down, you're a lovely lovely person, I mean that. :)
Hope the appointment goes okay, and remember I'm here for you *hugs* xx
I really don't kow what to say except I'm always here if you want to talk. It sounds like this is another horrible twist in a not great year, but look at what you've come through. I bet your mum is so proud of you x
The specialist said he doesn't think it is cancerous (so much, much better than they thought!), although they are going to do a biopsy to make sure. They think it is something which is associated with cancer, but doesn't always turn cancerous - for the type of cancer they thought he had, it is the most common cause of the cancer, but in some people it is just there and stays the same and doesn't go bad.
So it is a huge relief, to go from them thinking he probably has cancer to think he probably doesn't but doing this to just make sure. And if it is what they think it is, hopefully they just do follow-up checks to make sure nothing is changing; if necessary do treatment to try and freeze it apparently but hopefully just observe and the longer that goes by I assume that would get less and less regular. :)
The biopsy is at the beginning of January so we'll find out for certain then. But at least we can now go into it being completely positive and knowing it's probably not and they're just being safe, whereas before it was going in knowing they thought it was.
I am ridiculously relieved. I feel kinda all on edge at the moment, like I was just getting used to things and then this and now I am all worrying again. But now can get back to positivity and have a better 2013 I hope.
I'm so glad that your Dad probably doesn't have cancer and I can really hear how much this is a relief for you. I am genuinely so glad to read this! I hope that the biopsy goes okay.
I am sending you a lot of love for today and I hope that it's okay for you.
Take care of yourself.
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