Wife Depressed wants out

[husky69]

Hi

I hope somebody on the forum can offer some support.

My wife over the past 12 months has changed completly and just reckons she is growing up, she is 26. Back in April a visit to the doctor indicated that on a level of 1 to 10 and 10 being the higest for depression she was at number 7. All the doctor done was give out anti depressants and was never reviewed again.

It has now got to a stage where she says she does not love me, has moved to be on her own and no one can change how she feels, yet she is going with me on Friday to visit a councillor but still she reckons it is just a waste of time. She is very resentful towards me and her mother yet she happy and cheerful round others but feels lonely at her new pad. Only last week we met for coffee and atthe start she was very negative and wanted to finish things but after we talked she was positive and talked about getting a house together and having a holiday, few days later back to being negative. I love my wife dearly but she is not accepting my support at present as much as i want too, i am now fearing i am fighting a loosing battle.

I have read a lot about depression and trying to understand but hopefully you guys can help - i do not want to give up on her yet she wants to give up on our marriage....

[husky69]

Thank you

Yes she is going to the Counciller on Friday as requested by me. She reckons it will not help. If the counciller says that she is fine and a happy girl with no problems then i will respect the decision and go our seperate ways however if the counciller says she has depression issues i will love and support her though it. She went on her own for a session a few weeks back and felt it done nothing for her and cancelled the balance of the appointments so she never gave it a chance.

I do not want to be divorced and her to make these major decisions.

Thank You

Quote:

Originally Posted by thumbelina

Depression and relationships is never easy.

One thing that I find is important not to do when depressed is to make any major life decisions as my judgement is seriously skewed.

It is great that you don't want to give up on your marriage and your wife. Is she getting any help with her depression?

[findingmyself]

Remember you married her for better or for worse. Its sad now a days people that are married just give up on each other so easily when things get hard. When things get hard they just leave instead of working it out like you should together. people have got to relize your spouse is not perfect your not either no one is so there will be bad days and hard times. And your vows were for better or for worse people need to realize that. If you truley love the person you wouldnt give up on them no matter what.

[TEAPARTY]

she might be in denial, people often refuse help because of the stigma behind mental health issues. the way she keeps reverting to thinking negatively about things does make me think that she's feeling quite pessimistic which can be a sign of depression.
i don't know about her, but i know when i'm feeling really low that being with people tires me out and makes me feel awful, i feel more comfortable just laying in bed achieving nothing. i don't have anything to add of any value to this conversation but i respect you a lot for coming on here looking for support and trying to do the best thing.

[husky69]

I appreciate all your kind comments, i do use these forums and chat rooms as a sense of comfort to cope.

We both went to a counsellor late last week and she advised that have zero contact for a month as with us contacting each other at present i could be driving her away further. My wife thinks there is nothing wrong with her yet it is clear to see that she is very unhappy / depressed, normally helping with xmas decorations at this time of year, instead sat on sofa with blanket and no interest to get involved. Tells everyone she is happy but we all know that visibly she is not, i guess she is in denial about everything. I will continue to support her in the hope we can get through this but i need her to admit there is a problem, i guess time will tell

[GraveSong]

Hey husky, hows things going?

[MagpieBlues]

Hiya,

I just wanted to say, that I know with my ex partner, he used to tell me that I had problems, and it used to really rile me up. I guess I just wanted to say that maybe you shouldn't push the subject of her 'admitting' that she has a problem, and just let her work it out for herself?

Maybe if she starts seeing this counsellor, and you don't push that it's to 'get better' or because 'she has depression', but just for someone to talk to, like everyone needs sometimes, then she might start to see that is having problems. But I think she needs to come to the conclusion on her own, because otherwise you may end up driving her away with going on about her 'being ill' and stuff.

I'd say you can still support her without her 'admitting' it. Let her be in the drivers seat - the only time I would say you need to take control of the situation is if it becomes serious and she says she is having feelings she wants to kill herself or hurt someone else. Otherwise, I'd say let her decide.

Hope you manage to work things out.