My physio has told me my back's probably not going to get any better :'(
So I've had a bad back since I was 12. Ever since then it's been sore for like a few months then fine for like a year. Which sucked, but I still had the time in between where I wasn't in pain and could live normally. But back in February it got ridiculously sore. So I've been going to the physio again since.
My initial goal was to walk for 2 minutes without going into spasm, so that's how bad it was. Now I'm able to run for like 10 minutes so it has got alot better, but I am still in constant pain. It's a good day if I can get dressed without getting tears in my eyes.
But at the physio this afternoon she said that this is probably as good as it's going to get. I love my physio to bits, shes the best physio I've ever had so I know shes done/ would do whatever she can to make it better.
But I just wish that there was something I could do so I could try and live a normal life again! :'( I don't want to constantly be in pain. I don't want to be in constant fear that it's going to go again and I will just collapse, or loose control of my bladder.
I'm almost tempted to take painkillers and throw myself fully into a full on sports session so the pain won't stop me then I can injure it enough to get surgery. It's ridiculous I know, but I don't want to be in pain forever.
Of course your scared. I would be.
Does your physio mean that thats the bes it will get through physio, or thats the best it will get full stop? Are there any options to explore, other than intentionally injuring yourself, which i wouldnt advise, therse things can go wrong.
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
Some of life's mysteries will never be solved, such as why, after spending an entire evening listenong to Bach, do I find myself humming "the birdie song".......
I am reaching, but i fall, and the stars are black and cold, as i stare into the void of a world that cannot hold- les miserables
Hey :) Thanks for replying.
She says that's the best it's going to get. full stop. Cause they don't really know whats wrong with it there's nothing that they can really do. I was given an MRI and everything and the symptoms are not adding up to the results of the MRI. So yeah at the moment that's it, til it gets to the stage where I can't dress myself and do general daily tasks, then they will have to do more invasive stuff. But they have not really said much about it cause they don't really know :/
I've not told her I'm scared, but she knows that when my backs worse it affects my mental health. :/ And nah, I don't wanna let my parents know how bad it is. They know I have a bad back and will for life, but they don't know the daily pain I'm in. Not really worth it when they are so far away and can't really do much.
But ya, thanks for replying. Think I just need a hug :') xxx
Aww Hunny, I am so sorry to hear this. I can relate to you with this, I have a bad wrist and they cannot work out what is wrong and are leaving it until it gets worse. It sucks a lot I know, I wish I had more words for you.
This week has been shitty. I can't sleep and am in so much pain. It's been bearable the last 9 months cause I always thought it would get better in time. But knowing it won't is breaking me. I went to training tonight and was in so much pain, but I was so frustrated that I need to run about and keep doing sport to try and get it out. I had to take more painkillers which meant that my brain was too slow so kept making stupid mistakes.
I don't want to have to live with this forever. Sport is my life and if I can't so that I, well I dunno. I wont have a stress reliever, I'm gonna get fatter, I won't get to meet as many friends. It's just who I am!
Sorry, I'm probably being melodramatic, but yeah I'm just not coping well with it. Sorry :'(
That is understandable. I was/am the same as you. I miss not being able to write when I want too! It does get easier to deal with in time. Have you got people IRL you can talk to about this?
I don't think that you are being melodramatic at all. You've had some reaply difficult news and you are bound to feel upset and a million other things. My brain isn't working, but I just wanted to leave some love. xx
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
Hey guys, thanks for your replies. It really means alot :)
Nah, I don't have anyone to talk to. Like my flatmate knows I'm struggling, but what is there that she can do! Both of us are injured at the moment so we can't do much, and we are too poor to even have a night in and drink. But other than that I don't even know what to say. Like everyone knows sport is my life and everyone that knows me well enough knows about my back, so people understand but I dunno what to do about it. I've applied for a job just to keep me busy and to get my mind off it, but thats not really gonna fix the problem :/
Sorry if these posts aren't making sense, go figure, my brain doesn't want to work this week.
But ya, thanks for your replies and hugs. Means ALOT xxx
