I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
-Pablo Neruda.
Thank you for the poem/song whatever it is, it's lovely!
Just come back from the docs, he's put me on some medication (Anti-D's) and is going to see me about in 4 weeks.
He was shocked that i'm not on medication already, he pulled up a letter in my file after I OD'd a few years ago and it said I should be medicated...And couldn't understand how I wasn't already seeing someone etc etc...
Is it bad that I don't feel happy or unhappy about going to the docs? I thought I would feel amazing for doing it but I feel nothing :/
I want to feel happy about being "brave" and doing it but I don't :/
You are brave for doing this Mike, you're probably feeling a little raw from bringing up all your emotions so it might take a while for that to settle and for you to feel brave. I'm really glad you went.
How do you feel about the anti depressants? Sid he offer you any therapy/counselling?
Xx
You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"
I think it is perfectly normal to feel neither happy or unhappy, it takes a lot of courage to make the appointment yet at the same time the process of changing things is slow. For me when I first got help what ran through my mind was "I've waited two weeks for this appointment hoping for it to make a difference and now I am just left with the promise of another appointment and a script for pills, where is my magic cure?" I know there isn't any magic cures they can offer but in my mind I kinda built up that the appointment was going to make a real difference but it doesn't work like that. The relief of getting the appointment over with was cancelled out by the realisation that there is no quick fix leaving me smack bang in the middle.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, I know there is no magic cure for all this but I just want it over, two weeks ago I was happy, I didn't have a care in the world but now...I don't know haha.
I'm not so much worried about the meds, i'm just not sure I want them but i'm willing to try and if they word great, if not i'll try something else.
