Sorry does any one know anything about day care at the maudsley or the Bethlem?

Uglyducklin · 19-10-2012, 05:57 PM

Hi I'm so sorry to post as I know I haven't posted on here for months but I am really struggling right now. I am at uni and really struggling to keep up and I am falling behind and not really coping. I feel so FAT and disgusting and likei don't deserve help. I attended day care at the Bethlem six years ago but expect it has changed anyone who knows anything about either service would be really helpful? I am so sorry to post. Xx

raspberry_swirl · 19-10-2012, 06:18 PM

I don't know anything about those services in particular but what I'd say is don't it put you off trying day care as the point is that they'll try to provide something that could help you with that. I think I'd try to look at it as what's the worst that could happen because it sounds like it's worth a try.

Sorry that I haven't got specific information about the progs.

[Frostbitten] · 19-10-2012, 09:30 PM

I was at the Bethlem as an inpatient recently, but I attended the step-up program for a bit which is essentially intensive out patient. The basic structure was go in for breakfast at 8, groups every morning, lunch which as either in the canteen where you choose your own food, or you prepare something in the kitchen or buy something from the supermarket. Afternoon is usually free, but there ae some groups and one-to-ones, dinner is usually from the ward (i.e. just given to you) but they sometimes go out to a restaurant. The staff were ok, some nicer than others. According to others there, they said they preferred the day care at the Maudsley, but I can't say much about it as I haven't been there. You DO deserve help x

Uglyducklin · 19-10-2012, 09:44 PM

Thank you both for replying. I don't know I just feel such a FAT freak. I will talk to my team when I have my CPA in November. I really don't want to do it as I'm so FAT and I also don't want to stop uni and I feel they won't let me continue uni. How are you doing now Frostbitten? The ward was a tough environment to be in but I hope it helped you. Sorry I am waffling xx

[Frostbitten] · 20-10-2012, 08:51 PM

I know how you feel, but I don't think I've met anyone with a restrictive ED that doesn't feel 'fat'. Maybe it's better to take a short while out of uni? What would happen if your ED got worse? They would be more likely to take drastic action then, whereas if you put treatment first for a bit, you'll be in a better place to do well at uni, and in my experience they'll always try to liase with uni instead of just telling to to drop it completely.

I am doing ok with the ED stuff at the moment, thanks. The ward was a horrible environment to be honest, but I think it shocked me into better habits

Uglyducklin · 20-10-2012, 11:16 PM

I remember it being a total nightmare with staff having different rules for everyone. Have you been discharged as an inpatient now? I don't I'm really floundering and the work is piling up but I would be devastated to leave uni though. Sorry I am a broken record. I really hope things continue to get better for you and thanks for the reply xx

raspberry_swirl · 21-10-2012, 02:04 PM

Could you take a medical leave of absence so it'd be like suspending your course for a bit? Then, like Frostbitten says, you'd be in a better place to do well at uni. If you look at your quality of life at the moment and how you struggle, do you think this is worth a shot? Imagine a better life? It's definitely out there... I've known people who've been ill for a very long time recover and all of them are glad they did... good luck xx

[Frostbitten] · 21-10-2012, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uglyducklin

I remember it being a total nightmare with staff having different rules for everyone. Have you been discharged as an inpatient now? I don't I'm really floundering and the work is piling up but I would be devastated to leave uni though. Sorry I am a broken record. I really hope things continue to get better for you and thanks for the reply xx

Oohh yes, hasn't changed

And yes, I'm discharged now

Would it be better to think of it as "time out" rather than leaving? Maybe talk to your tutor and see what they suggest?

Uglyducklin · 21-10-2012, 06:35 PM

That's awful to nothing? They are not supporting you at all ? I'm so sorry. I really don't know will just plod along I expect. Thank you for replying. I'm sorry I really don't deserve to post! Xx

[Frostbitten] · 21-10-2012, 06:56 PM

Tbh I pushed for discharge because the environment gave me panic attacks, they kept making false accusations and making mistakes with my meds and I have a really supportive OP team

You do deserve to post dear! Post as much as you want/need x

Uglyducklin · 21-10-2012, 07:41 PM

Can you get outpatient? I have had nightmares previously with them but this time they have been amazing. Have you had outpatient at the maudsley before? Oh yeah is Alan still working on the ward? Xx

[Frostbitten] · 21-10-2012, 09:06 PM

I already have outpatient, but not with Maudsley because I'm not in the catchment area

Alain is still there and is charge nurse- he's in infrequently, not more than a couple of times a week I believe.

Gone. · 22-10-2012, 08:22 AM

Jess, I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling, lovely.
I don't know anything about Maudsley or Bethlem because I've never had to experience it but I would imagine, if you are referred to either of these two services, you should try to work with them and their concluding aim will be to help you.

Why do you think you've been struggling so much whilst at university?

Uglyducklin · 22-10-2012, 09:46 AM

Aw thank you both for replying. That's great news for Alain I was his first patient :). I really hope your outpatient is supportive Frostbitten. Thanks belle how are you Hun? I just really don't feel I need or deserve it. University I think is tough because my energy levels are so low and I feel so ill. All my assignments are barely started which isn't like me but I feel too exhausted as I write this I am aware of how pathetic this sounds I basically can't keep up. Sorry I will stop waffling xx

Gone. · 22-10-2012, 10:15 AM

I'm good thank you.

It's incredibly overwhelming when you have so much work to do and you feel like utter **** ('scuse my French). That can amplify things excessively. I think that you know that not eating isn't helping you and that it's something you need to do to stop you feeling so ill and having low energy levels. Even if you don't reach the RDA, eat to keep you going. That's what I do and it's tough, yet possible.

You might not believe that you deserve it but we think that you do. Anyway, the bigger picture isn't inclusive of your value, it's about living your life as you want to live it. It doesn't matter who you are compared to others (I assume that's how you assertain how much you're worth?), it's about your happiness inside yourself. I have struggled with similar difficulties and professionals, although they disagree, tell me that they want to help, regardless of what I feel. It's their job and they are going to help you if you let them.

You have to consider whether you want to continue living like this and if you don't, what can change? How can you change it? You have the power and control in this situation, Jess. Don't let it win.

Take care.

Uglyducklin · 22-10-2012, 07:40 PM

Thanks belle you are so right. Totally struggling as rowed with my mum so had more than normal and I am so disgusted with myself I could rip the FAT off my body. I know I need to concentrate and that in the long run I hope won't permenantly put weight but then I am a freak and I deserve to be punished for what I have had. I just don't know anything other than I am FAT and worthless. Sorry moaning on I hope you are both ok xx

Gone. · 22-10-2012, 09:21 PM

I don't think that you actually are fat, though. I think that's your perception.

Well done on thinking long-term and that you won't be putting the weight on really.

Why do you think you're a freak?

Take care.

Uglyducklin · 22-10-2012, 10:39 PM

I am a freak because my body never does what it should. I am so dirty FAT and disgusting I do not even feel human. It doesn't matter what I put my body through the FAT never leaves in the way it should. I sometimes feel I don't deserve to breathe especially when the flashbacks flood in. Sorry I have said too much. I hope you are hanging in there hunx

Gone. · 23-10-2012, 10:40 AM

I don't think you're alone in that, Jess. Many people's bodies don't do what they should. Perhaps you could try talking to friends and family and say how they feel about themselves?

Maybe the 'FAT' you feel isn't actually a physical presence. Maybe, because things have happened to you in the past, it's a representation of the negative feelings you have regarding that. Do you think?

[Frostbitten] · 23-10-2012, 10:58 AM

When your eating is disordered, your body doesn't process food normally. It's only when you've had a healthy eating pattern for a good few weeks, even months, that your body will learn to cope with food again. I speak from experience x

Is there something you can do to be kind to yourself? Paint your nails? Facepack? Watch a film and snuggle up with a blanket and cup of tea? You deserve and need kindness and care x