Sometimes I Google images of SI to trigger myself... I've never told anyone that... I don't know WHY I do it... it doesn't really make any sense. It's like I'm feeling slightly triggered, but not enough to lose control, so then I put myself in a situation so I guess I have an excuse... that hey, I was triggered and couldn't control myself...
Does anyone else do this? It kina makes me feel like a freak :S
While I certainly wouldn't recommend it, yes, I unfortunately have done this to trigger myself before too.
Part of the reason for my doing it is like you said: pushing the slight trigger I'm already feeling over the edge so that I just go ahead and SI. Another reason I sometimes do it is that it gives me the sick pleasure of seeing self-harm cuts without actually hurting myself. Sometimes I'm actually able to look at a bunch of images and get my 'self-harm fill' without hurting myself afterwards (this doesn't always happen though). Either way, I know that it's not a good idea and am trying not to do it anymore, or at least not as frequently.
So you're definitely not a freak, but instead of further fueling your triggered mood, it would be a better alternative to do something completely non-SI-related, like going for a walk or a run, calling or visiting a friend, watching a happy/funny movie, listening to peaceful music, etc.
"It's not a dream anymore. It's worth fighting for."
"Well, if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah" - Paramore
I've done this. Replaying conversations in my head that triggered me. Or looking up pictures of bruises or cuts to get triggered. I've also imagined using certain objects to hurt myself with.
I've done this. I do it, as you said, to almost give myself the excuse when I'm feeling just a bit triggered. It also makes me feel less crazy, as counter-intuitive as that sounds. If I know I'm going to SI anyway, having visual proof that I'm not the only person who does it makes me feel slightly better. I'm not sure how I feel about 'normalizing' it for myself though. I think that almost makes it worse.
“Too late, I found you can't wait to become perfect, you got
to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else.” Ray Bradbury in Something Wicked This Way Comes
I've done this. I do it, as you said, to almost give myself the excuse when I'm feeling just a bit triggered. It also makes me feel less crazy, as counter-intuitive as that sounds. If I know I'm going to SI anyway, having visual proof that I'm not the only person who does it makes me feel slightly better. I'm not sure how I feel about 'normalizing' it for myself though. I think that almost makes it worse.
Yeah, the visual proof thing is also somewhat comforting.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this... Well, not glad in the sense that I hate to know other people feel as crappy :( but it is comforting to know I'm not alone!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this... Well, not glad in the sense that I hate to know other people feel as crappy :( but it is comforting to know I'm not alone!
I know exactly what you mean. When I saw your post I felt this sense of relief. As in, "thank god I'm not the only one who does this!" So while I hate that other peoplefeel they have to do this, I do fine it reassuring to have confirmation I'm not alone.
“Too late, I found you can't wait to become perfect, you got
to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else.” Ray Bradbury in Something Wicked This Way Comes
I've done this as well, I've also used it to kind of desensitize myself to feeling depressed. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it makes sense in my head
Do things get better? I don't know, but they do get different
I feel like, when I'm doing it, like it's SI porn or something lol like I'm so paranoid someone will walk in when I'm looking at it, and it just feels so wrong :/
I do this too. If I'm having a bad day sometimes I just feel like I have to make myself feel worse. It's wallowing and it's bad, but I can't help it. So you're not alone x
Every single day I do this. I'm so ****ing sick of being slightly sad all the time that I do things to make myself really depressed because I find it less unpleasant than mild sadness.
im the same best way i explain it is a quote from Dexter "Blood. Sometimes it sets my teeth on edge, other times it helps me control the chaos." sorry if that quote offends. Its a double edge sword sometimes it helps keep your urge or need away or makes iit worse. Your not a freak, as your not the only one who does it
Last edited by The Doctor : 22-10-2012 at 08:29 AM.
"Hello I'm The Doctor basicly run"- The Doctor
"It's a fez, i wear a fez now, fez's are cool"- The Doctor
""Blood. Sometimes it sets my teeth on edge, other times it helps me control the chaos."- Dexter Morgan (Dexter)
Every single day I do this. I'm so ****ing sick of being slightly sad all the time that I do things to make myself really depressed because I find it less unpleasant than mild sadness.
I completely agree. I'm tired of being just a little sad, usually for no reason. And usually seeing SI pics makes me feel either more depressed or it makes me feel better about myself.. That sounds realllyyy bad..
We stopped looking under our bed for monsters,
when we realized they were inside of us.
Totally agree with Shine on this one. I used to when I was younger. But now I look for positive quotes, poems or images. There are lots out there that have helped me. Makes me feel a lot less alone too. Or maybe try making your own positive images (not of self harm!) with your fave lines from songs etc. I have a collage book of them along with funny postcars etc.
Stay Safe x
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
