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bullying in voluntary organisation
Hi, I'm new here. Just felt like I really needed to talk.
I'm involved with a small voluntary organisation. A few weeks ago a friend who was quite heavily involved in this group got caught out harassing another volunteer. It's a complicated story but at the same time they got caught out doing similar things to other people and it came out that they have a history of this kind of behavior. This person has paranoid schizophrenia, but I honestly don't know if that is what is causing this behavior because they seem functional and well aside from being a serial bully and slightly narcissistic.
Anyway, for reasons I can't quite understand, this person ended up directing all their anger at me. They were asked not to contact me but continued to send abusive text messages and emails, sent various emails threatening to expose me (and other people - but mostly directed at me) for various supposed crimes. Eventually they forwarded a private text message of me apologising for something that had happened earlier, which also contained private information that I had been diagnosed with bipolar, to a bunch of random people.
At this point I had to make an official complaint as it seemed like the only way to stop his behavior. After I made the complaint he continued to harass me and violate the terms of relief he agreed on. The complaints process in this organisation has a confidentiality clause that means that people in other areas are not allowed to be told of the complaint till it is decided on and all appeals finished, and that the details are not to be shared locally. Anyway he has used this to lie about what is happening, to paint me as an aggressor and to recruit others to help him spy on my facebook page and harass me in various petty ways.
Eventually I responded to a couple of his provocations by trying to tell people that there was a complaint against him by me and a couple of other people. He has used this to make a complaint against me and demanded completely over the top terms of relief that I not be allowed to be involved in the organisation at all until after the complaint is heard.
The whole process is too slow and I am really angry that he has been able to use it to bully me even more. I feel really let down by this organisation that I have put so much work into. I keep feeling like I want to resign and just tell everyone what has been happening, but then my complaint wouldn't be heard and he'd be able to blame me for everything. Plus I know that is exactly what he has been trying to make me do.
When I look at a lot of the incidents they seem incredibly petty plus they seem to have stopped since he made his complaint against me. But the way I'm feeling is out of proportion. I keep having anxiety attacks, I have waves of anger, sadness, guilt, feeling sorry for him, that last for hours or a whole day. I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I think about it all the time and I can't concentrate on anything. I think I'm going to fail classes at uni. I know that the people who know what happened are on my side, but I still feel really alone. My partner is sick of hearing me obsess over this and I'm sure other people are too. But I just don't know how to stop.
I would really appreciate some advice how to control these feeling so that I can function and do the things I need to do.
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