Originally Posted by
Little Butterfly
Wish people would listen to how bad i am feeling
That is what we are here to do, listen and try and offer out support, you can always come on the forums or chat and I am sure someone will listen to you, I know I will.
Originally Posted by
Little Butterfly
i hate being in my house because do you want to know why you are going to think 'what the hell' but the reasons i hate been in my house is because there are dead people in there and i can see them i see words wrote on the walls in blood ..i have Ebonie telling me to hurt myself (ebonie is the girl that only i can see)...when i walk past people in the street voices tell me how i can hurt them they have told me by pushing them infrount of a car and things ...its hell seriously i cant cope with the stupid voices telling me bad things about myself and telling me how worthless and alone i am and telling me to hurt myself I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE !!!!!!!
First of all, what does your mental health worker have to say about you hearing/seeing all these things, presuming you've told them?
I mean, have you ever been on medication/therapy for anything- it just makes me think schizophrenia. But I'm not a professional. How long has this been happening to you? You seem to understand that it's not normal and that they aren't actually real, even if they seem us. I, of corse, cannot possibly understand what it must be like for you, but can you remind yourself that they aren't real and that you musn't listen to them? I know people that reinforcement has really helped, so I'm just putting it out there.
Originally Posted by
Little Butterfly
it feels like when i tell people how i am feeling and they dont listen its like they want me to do something to myself ...didnt no that everyone in the world hated me i was fucking wrong again....im a worthless peice of nothing im a speck of dust im not even shown up on the human radar so it wont matter if i was to go .....just listen ok ...no one i repeat no one can know how i am feeling or how much i am hurting inside or whether i want to die or not because they are NOT me and i wished people would stop fucking saying that i dont have to guts to kill myself or cut deep or that i dont really want to do it because that makes me think well i need to prove them wrong because i know myself more than anyone else and i am telling you now Trust me i fuking do!!!! ...
It is very upsetting to hear that you have reached out for help and no one has helped you. I will remind you again though- we are always here to listen and help as much as we can. I must be very frustrating for you when people don't seem to understand. I am sure that you feel as if you do want to and that you do have the guts, and it is not for anyone else to say if you do or do not have. Maybe it is people's way of trying to convince you not to do it, maybe they don't realise it's having the opposite effect on you. What I'm saying is, maybe it's their way of helping, even if it doesn't seem like it.
Originally Posted by
Little Butterfly
I lost the only person i fucking cared about and that was my grandad he died a couple of week ago and after the funeral on the same fucking day everyone was acting normal as though nothing had hapend as though we was at a fucking party WE WASNT IT WAS MY GRANDADS FUNERAL DAY !!!....it was my mum and aunties fault that he died because when the ambulance people came for him they said to them why didnt you phone sooner because he needed to come in hospital sooner ..now i think to myself if they would have fucking phoned for the abulance sooner then he might still be with us because they would have had at least a couple more days to try different medication on him to see what works but they didnt its there fault that he died and before i go i will i repeat i will get my own back on them for killing him !!!!!!!!!!
Losing someone close to you is hard at the best of times, let alone when you have everything going on around you. I'm so sorry about your grandad. Have you talked to your mother or auntie why they didn't call an ambulance sooner? They could have a reason, some people panic in these situations and don't know how to respond. You say that you feel people were acting as if nothing was wrong after the funeral, but this is some peoples way of dealing with things. People try not to talk about it, and try and move on quickly to minimize grief. I understand if that upset you, but everybody copes differently.
It's important that you know that you can be in control. Sometimes self belief is what is needed to rise above the voices and think- I can prove them wrong. You say you are alone, but then mention your family. Do your family not support you? There are lots of ways to try and distract yourself when you feel the urge to cut, or suicidal thoughts, I am currently trying to ignore and beat my urges by coming on here. That is what I do. You can draw, read, walk, play games, be on the computer, talk to people, listen to music, play sport- do anything you like to do. You can do it. I know you can. My thoughts and love and support are with you 100%. please, please PM me, or someone else, if you feel you need to talk. please call out for help rather than act quickly. One conversation can change a whole situation- something I know well.
There are Samaritans and childline websites and phone numbers if you need to speak to someone at a time of crisis- you can now instant message childline on their website and email Samaritans- i have done both and they are helpful and don't judge. You can come on here also. You may be alone in a room, but you are never alone in your heart. There are people that care about you more than you realise. I don't want you to do anything- I know you can do this.
.gif "rose")
