About two years ago when I was twelve I started going out with my first boyfriend, he was one of my friends and so I assumed I knew him pretty well. A couple of days later we were in his house alone and that's when it started...he abused me sexually and physically and I left his house that night feeling utterly worthless and disgusting. Although I made it clear that our short relationship was over he continued to abuse me, our group of friends was made up of four, the other two of whom were going out at the time and so as you'd expect I was often left alone with him...I felt I couldn't tell anyone about what he was doing to me. After about a year of the abuse I decided I couldn't take it any longer and left that circle of friends completely and was free of him. It stayed this way for long enough for me to begin to recover from the abuse mentally and physically. Then, I found out I'd never been free of him...he'd been watching me. One day, walking to the shops, he appeared around the corner and said I was to walk with him to his house as he made me aware of the blade in his pocket. He and his friend, who arrived shortly after we got to his house, raped me. This abuse still continues, and I think I am currently pregnant with his baby. I want it to stop! Im having nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks. I want it all to stop:'(
I hear how frightened you are, and maybe angry too. It's a huge thing for you, first the abuse of that type at a fairly youngish age, and now the potentially devastating consequences.
Have you told anyone? How do you feel about seeing your GP to check whether you are pregnant or not? Where are your parents in all of this?
Sorry for the heap of questions, just it helps us to tailor our support for you better.
There are also helplines you can use. And keep talking here, we'll do our best to support you, listen, understand and signpost you to the best places for support within your community.
I have one friend who has known about the abuse for a while now and she tries her best to help me through it and I don't know if I can stand to be told I'm definitely pregnant as it would make it all too real! I just want it all to go away, I feel so lost and helpless, I started self harming last night.
He won't leave me alone! He keeps texting me and phoning me and it's almost as if he follows me because every time I leave the house alone, he's there waiting for me...i dread having to walk my dog every night. I keep having to make excuses for my cuts and bruises and I'm sick of it. He makes me feel so small and worthless and he tells me it's my own fault for making him angry...I don't mean to make him angry, I try my best not to but I must be doing something wrong because he still gets angry and beats me up. He told me a few nights ago that his mate wants 'another go' and I asked him to please not let his friend do that and he said 'do you not like (friends name)? I could get someone else? In fact I could get a whole group if that's what you want?' and I screamed 'NO!' in shock at what hed suggested and got beat up again for shouting at him...I'm going to be passed around his friends like a toy!
You really need to inform the police about this. He needs to be punished, and you need to feel safe.
As far as the possibility of being pregnant, it's better to get checked out, because if you are pregnant, it won't matter if a doctor tells you you are, it won't change the fact that you are. Does that make sense?
I know it's hard hunny and sorry your going though this but you need to tell someone you trust or the police, it's the only way it will stop.
If you want to talk your more than welcome to pm me.
Xxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
If you think you're pregnant honey you need to tell someone, whether it be your GP or whoever, not telling them won't change the fact you are and they'll be able to give you the best support and show you what your options are
You need to talk to the police, I know its hard, I've been there myself, but it will be worth it, in time you'll feel safe again and its the only way things will stop and he will be punished for the horrible things he's putting you through
Hush, little baby, drink your spoiled milk
I'm crazy, need my prescription filled
Do you like my cookies? They're made just for you
A little bit of sugar, but lots of poison, too
Hi, you need to go to the police, is is the only way to stop it. It is very hard to talk to people about what has happened, I know I'm going to court next month about my ex-step-dad abusing me. The police will listen, they will put him and his friends on bail in which he will not be allow contact with you in any way and if he breaks it he will be taken in and questioned. You can have you friend there an the police station with you for support, though they will not be allow in the room when you give you statement.
Go to the doctors to check if you are pregnant, if you are they will not judge you and they will help you in anyway you want them to in either you decision to have an abortion, to give birth but not keep the child or to keep the child.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this honey! It will be okay, if you need to talk, pm me, I went through thinking I was pregnant after I was raped, and was around the same age as you, it will be okay, *hugs* xx
Hush, little baby, drink your spoiled milk
I'm crazy, need my prescription filled
Do you like my cookies? They're made just for you
A little bit of sugar, but lots of poison, too
I think she was trying to point out that she can relate to the fear of possibly being pregnant, even though she wasn't pregnant (I am assuming from the post).
Honey you need to seek help, I know personally how terrifying it is to be raped, and all the fear that comes along with telling somebody. The thing is he is just going to keep hurting you, it's never easy to tell someone about it, never but I found that writing down what happened helped a lot when I was seeking help because I didn't have to say anything. Please think about doing that.
Take care.
Amy x
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
