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Impending Doom, I'm Sorry
I hate to do this and I know I shouldn't and I will likely come to regret this enough that I delete this but I need something. I am completely losing it, I don't know how I can go on, if I can go on. I live with my mother who I despise and I don't see my father much but he hates me anyway. I don't have any friends to talk to at all. I lie about how I am on a daily basis and that drains me too. I don't think I can find a friend who I can tell everything and even if I did I wouldn't talk to them because honestly it isn't worth it for me to bother people, I oughtn't contribute to other people's issues because I'm not worth the trouble. I can't get professional help because my dad would know if I tried because he is the insurance holder and I don't want to tell mother I want it. I've tried x times and the most recent was right before I got out of school last year. I've kept my environment free of potential hazards but I don't know why, it confuses me, I don't understand myself when it comes to things like that. I don't have a diagnosis or anything and I doubt I would be given one because it's just my personality. I guess I'm just so alone and in so much pain and don't know what to do so I have certain thoughts that become more over powering, they are always there, but times like this make them blot out other thoughts. I don't know what to ask for, what I need, maybe I shouldn't have posted this. I'm sorry for wasting your time but I just wish I had someone I could talk to at anytime and anywhere who could tell me they know or at least keep me in check so I don't just plummet. I need an anchor, especially this year because some things came up that will make it the hardest yet. I am so sorry.
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