hear I am again, not for the first time or the last...
Ive not been resisting the urge to self harm latley, more like; putting it off,
and now it hit me, the mad urge to cut myself, to get all the bad energy out of me. now its done, now ive relapsed ive gotta pick myself up and start again and again and again, always ending up the same...i dont know how meany more times i can do this...
i'm sorry to hear that you hurt yourself again. i always felt really disappointed in myself when that happened... but mistakes happen. like you said, you've got to pick yourself up and move forwards. it feels like it will never end, but eventually you will make it out if you keep going.
can you think of any warning signs that precede when you relapse? maybe if you can realize earlier on that strong urges may return you can make a plan to deal with them or do something to release the tension before it gets overwhelming
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I'm sorry that you ended up self-harming, I know it can be really difficult to deal with. I don't think you're back to square one though. This doesn't take away the time you managed without it, or the times when you did manage to resist the urges. And even if it doesn't feel like it right now, I bet that you will have learned something from that, and that you can pick yourself up and keep trying, and keep making steps forward.
Is there anything in particular that's been making things so difficult lately, that might have triggered this? What have you found that's helped so far? Keep working on finding other ways to cope; it is a long process and it can be so frustrating but it should pay off in the end.
I don't know if you have any help/support at the moment, but if not maybe it would be something to think about. Sometimes having a bit of support can help you break the cycle, and stop it seeming so repetitive and hopeless, even if it's just talking to a friend or something.
Take care of yourself, I hope you feel better soon.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Okay. First off, you are not at square one :) the fact that you are trying puts you past square one. Even when you relapse. Its like the whole two stepson forward one step back. Even if you're taking a step back, you are still moving ahead. "Putting off" self harming is a feat in and of itself. Its difficult to fight the urges and by doing it you are showing progress. So I don't have much to say in the way of advice (not so good with that), but I can say good for you for taking that leap into the recovery process and I wish you lots of luck!!!
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
thanks for the support
im just really angry at myself for doing it, i thought i was on the mend and then suddenly i just mess up! its hard work resisting this constantly.
Well maybe now you can remember how upset you were this time you relapsed to help yourself not do it in the future? It may actually help you some.
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
