Trying to change

[Mihashi]

This morning, my mom and I got in another one of those fights where she yells at me for my SIing, asking me why I do it, despite my answers of "I don't know" and then proceeding to beat me up. This last one has been the worst, and soon afterwards, she realized that and apologized. I know she's trying to love me like she should.. But here's the thing:

I don't feel like I should be loved.

Even worse, it's alot easier to take pain and hurt than love. It really is difficult for me to actually appreciate those who love me as much as I know I should. It's harder to take a compliment, a hug, even the words "I love you" than a complaint or constructive criticism or a punch in the face.

There's a voice that almost counteracts the SIing voice that says "accept the love" But... how? Has anyone had this before? Has anyone overcome it?

[melodypond]

I have trouble with this too. I cant remember the last time I said the words I love you to anyone. My mom told me a couple days ago that she and my dad love me, but I always get uncomfertable so I just sort of smiled back a bit. Then I left. But I think that if your mom is hurting you, no matter what her reasons are or how much she loves you, then there is a big problem. I really think that you should tell someone about that situation. I cant give you advice on opening up to people because I honestly have no idea how you would do it. But I wish you luck and remember that you can always find support here if you need it.

[PassedExpectations]

i agree, if your mom is hurting you, something needs to be done about that. is there anyone who you would feel comfortable talking to?

like you, i was really bad at allowing myself to feel loved and accept compliments and all that. at first i just had to fake it (accepting the compliments, saying good things about myself, treating myself well) and after a while it started to be real. kinda a "fake it till you make it" approach