I want to cut again, very badly. I still have all my tools and everything, but its been months since I past did it. Everyone thinks I'm okay now, but I'm not. I am so scared to go to highschool, my dad sent me to court because he didnt want to pay child support over a "Self-involved, emotionless monster who doesnt care for anyone but herself."
Anyway.. I'm past the father thing. I just want to hold onto the one thing that has been my friend since I was 11. Except this time around, I'm not as depressed, have as much anxiety, or bad feelings.. Theres not much of a reason to cut.
Help? :'<
Should I just do it?
Refuse to feel anything at all, refuse to slip, refuse to fall, can't be weak, can't stand still, watch your back because no one else will.
No, you shouldn't do it. Try other ways of reaching out to someone you trust to express how you're feeling...that you're not really okay.
Do you have any hobbies you could use to distract you?
I think the next step for you would be to get rid of your tools. I'm not exactly one to speak, but I had gone almost a year one time. I probably would have lasted longer, but I hadn't gotten rid of the thing I used to hurt myself. So every time I saw it it triggered me until I gave in. Good luck with everything.
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
I don't think you should do it either, it sounds like you're making good progress with your recovery.
I've not self harmed for a while and sometimes I want to but am unsure as to why. Sometimes I think of self harm like losing someone in my life, someone I was close to for a while, but who did me no real good and really ended up making things worse, so it's better that they're gone, even though I may miss them. I hope that made sense.
Is there anyone around you who you could talk to about everything?
I dont have many friends, and the 2 friends that I am friends with have perfect lives, perfect families.. I dont trust them enough to talk to them without feeling self-counsious. :<
( Btw Demons To Some: I love your quotee )
Refuse to feel anything at all, refuse to slip, refuse to fall, can't be weak, can't stand still, watch your back because no one else will.
Nobody's life is perfect. Nobody's family is perfect. They may seem to be more stable compared to your family, but they are not perfect.
Having friends from stable families may actually help more, because they are not wrapped up in dealing with their own problems. And if they're just sympathetic and willing to listen, they can help a lot.
If you're looking for permission to hurt yourself, we'll never give that around here. It's neither productive nor safe. Do what the other posters have suggested: Get rid of your tools and call someone. You need support, especially after what your dad said. I have a feeling that you are not "past it."
Take care :).
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
