First Girlfriend...not sure when to come out to my mom?
Well, I have a girlfriend. A beautiful, wonderful, lovely girlfriend who means basically the world to me. She has helped me in so many ways, made my life a whole lot better. I, myself, am a girl and although I've fantasized about the idea of being with a girl, I could never see myself falling for one. Then I met her and I fell for her. I still find males attractive, and females.
My mom isn't homophobic, she's okay with lesbians and gays. I don't think she really understands what being bisexual is and I've never brought it up to her. She has no idea about my relationship with my girlfriend, but she has met her as my "friend". At first she didn't take a liking to her, but she seems to like her fine now. I'm still young (17) and I don't want to tell her now. I am also extremely afraid of my grandparents shunning me, as I do not know their views at all to being gay/lesbian/bi. I know there are lots of people in my family who will be okay with it.
I was thinking of waiting until I finish university because I will be allowed to move out of the house and in a sense I am seen as an adult. I will have hopefully some sort of career at that point, and at least the adults around me will consider me mature. My girlfriend agrees with me that I should wait. But I don't know exactly. It hurts me to hide it but I don't want my mother knowing either.
Do you think waiting until then is a good idea? (my girlfriend and I have only been dating for three months so I don't know how serious you would even consider this)
I could be totally wrong on this since I've never been in a similar situation, but I personally think you should only tell when you are completely ready. If you think that waiting until you are done with school is the right time then do it then, but you shouldn't have to hide because of what others think since this is something that makes you happy.
I don't know your Mom, but from what you've said it sounds like she will be understanding. It may take her a little while to let it sink in, though, but you may be surprised by how well people will react when you do come out.
Whatever you decide to do, think carefully anout how you tell people when you do. Dont jist blurt it out
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
Some of life's mysteries will never be solved, such as why, after spending an entire evening listenong to Bach, do I find myself humming "the birdie song".......
I am reaching, but i fall, and the stars are black and cold, as i stare into the void of a world that cannot hold- les miserables
I really have no advice to give. But I do wish you luck :) it takes a strong person to come out
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
I don't have much advice to give, except don't feel pressured into anything. Tell people when you are ready, and when you feel the time is right. I wish you all the best.
DILLIGAF
"it’s when you’re acting selflessly, that you are at your bravest"
- Four.
♥
The right time isn't always when you're ready, either, but that's ok. It's the type of thing you won't know when you're ready for it, but situations will arise that mean that these things have to come out - you'll know afterwards that it was the right thing to do.
I'd also recommend not putting a set 'time' on it; it might be that in six months time you feel you need to tell her, and that's ok too. Do what feels natural and don't feel you've got to do x by this time or that you've got to leave it until this point for her to understand.
It's exciting that you're in this amazing relationship - congratulations! It sounds like your mum is pretty understanding too, even if she doesn't completely 'get' it; it'll be scary to say it but it is who you are and you should be proud of that.
Don't think "I HAVE to tell her by the time I'm at uni" etc, because that's putting pressure on yourself and you may not feel ready then.
I knew myself that I was gay at 16, and told my parents in April, I'm now 19 - just finished my first year of uni! I had planned to tell them by the time I left 6th form, and it was almost a year later when I actually did!
I legit could have made this thread, I'm in exactly the same situation! Although my mum is actually homophobic, so a wee bit different.
I guess things you should also take into consideration are:
- how will she react if she finds out you have been with this girl all along and pretended she's 'just a friend'?
- she may well do the annoying thing of 'oh well, you're young, maybe it's just a phase', which could well upset you.
I don't think there's a right time or way to tell a parent that you're gay/bisexual, but as has been said, if you do decide it's the Right Time, then plan what you say, and have a mature discussion about it, as opposed to just casually dropping it into conversation or making a joke about it.
I think a lot of us are in ur situation; but idk in my opinion u should wait maybe it's just something crazy or who know! I gabby opens up to anybody but I make dumb comments on fb like oh there's this cute girl or blah some girl was hitting on me & a lot of opeople ask me if I'm lesbian but iv never had a gf so idk I just don't care what people think I let my self go to my feelings so I think u should do what u think feels better for u
