Heartbreaker's Guilt

Fleeting Angel · 29-07-2012, 03:52 AM

I have been trying really hard to love myself and something came up recently. It's a reoccurring pattern in my life that someone falls in love with me, whom I do not love. I feel so guilty breaking their hearts. I do not want to cause them pain and suffering. Doing it makes me not like myself a little more. I feel bad.

So I have to figure out how I'm going to let someone know that there will never be anything between us. I've tried in the past to imply that I'm not interested through being mean or ignoring them. They still have not gotten the hint. I need to explicitly tell this person and I don't want to harm their self-esteem. Any suggestions please?

This has been going on for way too long... five years maybe... and we haven't talked for the past two. We were never anything more than friends and only saw each other for a couple summers.

high.hopes · 29-07-2012, 10:06 AM

Have you tried saying 'Look, it's better if I'm honest with you now than 5 months into a relationship - I'd rather be just friends. I'm sorry, but It's not fair to lead you on and lie to you...'

Not necessarily completely 100% true, but it's worked in the past for me?

PassedExpectations · 30-07-2012, 05:03 PM

i think that Kia's idea is a good one. being mean or ignoring them isn't the way to go, in my opinion, because that can actually hurt them more and be very confusing for them (coming from being on the recieving side in the past).

Fitzwilliam · 30-07-2012, 09:17 PM

As mentioned above, just say you only want to be friends. Emphasise that you're still there for them as a friend so they don't think they've completely lost you, but also reinforce the 'friendship barrier' if they try to overstep it.
I have been on the receiving end and had to tell someone, but the biggest fear being told that your feelings aren't reciprocated is that you think you've lost them....well it was for me. But they said we were still friends and I was content with that. At least they were still in my life.

Fleeting Angel · 30-07-2012, 10:21 PM

Thanks for your advice. I did it. I just need to figure out how to live with the guilt. i feel bad. trying to avoid SI

high.hopes · 30-07-2012, 11:04 PM

Try not to feel guilty! Your feelings are as important as the other persons and you should always try and put your own happiness before somebody else's first. Try and focus on the idea that leading them along and forcing feelings that arn't there, then eventually being so unhappy you have to tell them would be so much worse... You have done the right thing by setting things straight with them, and respecting them enough to be honest.

Chin up!

Fitzwilliam · 31-07-2012, 05:43 PM

I hope you're okay. Feel free to PM if you need to talk.
How did it go when you told him?
Just remember though, you have nothing to feel guilty for. Like if he felt guilty for having feelings for you, you would tell him he doesn't have to feel guilty? The same goes for you. (: