So, it's been like, a year or so since I self harmed badly, yes I know all self harm is bad, but you know what I mean, like worse than what I have been doing recently, but its what's in my head I really need help for, like, there is forever a voice in my head telling me to self harm cause i can 'control it' lies... It controls me! Then there is another voice, telling me to man up and end it all... I have thought of suicide countless times and planned out so much, just never really had te guts to do it. But yeah anyway, when I go to sleep, i pray for me not to wake up, and i know it isn't healthy. So I need help, and I want it before i move onto college. Like, it's the holidays now, and I want help, my mum thinks I am fine though cause I tell her no different - I feel awkward talking about it, cause I never wanted her to find out- but I have no idea what i do to get help.. Do I go beg my doctor to admit me? I have tried therapy and it was ****, the woman didn't make me feel like I could tell her anything at all... She said our first session 'if you tell me anything that is putting you in danger, eg, self harm and suicidal thoughts, I have to tell your mum' great. Never told that woman anything, but pretended it was working great -.- urgh. Anyone got ideas how I get help? The only way I think is if I go in patient... Will they admit someone who isn't currently self harming? Only having thoughts? I don't kneel... Anyone care to shed some light for me?:) xx
Someone once asked me, 'Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?' I replied, 'Why do you assume I see two roads?' Take it from someone who's fallen... it's a long way down.
With my past experience involving self harm and therapists/psychs, they have never admitted me because of my self harm and the most they would do is want to see me the next week (I only did out-patient group therapy through my hospital when I was suicidal), but every doctor is different so the only way you'll find out is if you talk to them.
I can't really think of any other ways of receiving support in real life unless you give people the chance to try to help you which you will have to open up a bit more to the doctors and maybe even your family and/or friends. Yes, you may have had a bad experience with a therapist, but that doesn't mean all of them are the same. Unfortunately, people have to do things that they don't enjoy (going to doctors, talking about their feelings, ect.), but if it means that you have a chance to feel better then I say you should try everything you possibly can to get to a place in your life where you are feeling content with how things are going. Also, you mentioned that you don't want your Mom to know, why is that?
Anyways, I'm sorry if I rambled on. I really do hope things get better for you. Take care and stay safe :)
It's very hard to begin to open up to people, but that is the only way to get help. Unfortunately, there are no magic fixes... And I think in fact learning to open up IS the thing that needs fixing, because SH usually results from keeping bad feelings in.
I really hope you find the strength to open up - you deserve to get better.
Take care,
Ailsa xxx
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
Thanks guys, I probably should have mentioned I have had about a million different therapists, all for long periods of time, I havent got a problem with opening up and talking about things, I can do that fine, and I go into depth with it too, but it doesn't seem to do anything for me? Like, it doesn't ever make anything seem to be 'fixed' I dont know:L I'm just gonna have to accept it I guess :') thanks guys xxx
Someone once asked me, 'Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?' I replied, 'Why do you assume I see two roads?' Take it from someone who's fallen... it's a long way down.
Have you tried CBT or DBT ? it's a different type of therapy that's about learning new ways to cope with stuff. It might seem like nothing is working, but you will find something that works. You could go to your doctor to discuss medication options. But inpatient won't help at all and they're so short on space they don't admit unless you're very very unwell.
Hang in there !
Let the Force be with you
I'm not short, I'm space efficient
If you are suicidal, and you tell your doctor about this, there is a chance you might be admitted depending on where you live. I know people who have been admitted for suicide ideation, although only for twenty four hours.
I think that, if not, you should try therapy again with with a different therapy. I have found that for me, therapy is a big relief. It's just about having a therapist that you feel like you can trust.
The best of luck and stay safe!
your heart is a muscle the size of your fist
keep on loving, keep on fighting
and hold on, and hold on, hold on for your life
I found it didn't matter the number of people I talked to for help. Ultimately I had to decide that I wanted to help myself. I had to learn to love myself again (flaws and all) in order to stop harming myself. I'm not completely there yet but life has been getting easier.
I am a very private person, so found 'talk therapy' ineffective. It's definitely difficult if you can't/won't talk about certain things. Keeping a journal has allowed me to acknowledge and express my thoughts and emotions, preventing them from building up.
Hang in there. life can get better. recovery involves taking one small step at a time
I totally agree with Fleeting Angel. I also didn't really find talking therapy helpful, but it was nice to have that extra support along with the support from my family. The key is to take the steps yourself to get better because therapy and doctors can only do so much and the rest will be up to you. I'm sorry if you've already mentioned this, but what is causing you to have these thoughts? Perhaps once you figure out all of your triggers then it might be a bit easier to find a distraction(s) that will work best for you.
