I'm sorry I've not been around for a few days. I've been thinking of you. I wish there was more I could do to help.
I'm glad the police have been good; I'm sorry something else has happened though. Did they find out who was sending the messages or who caused the incident?
I'm sorry. My brain's useless. I'm always here though.
im really not doing so good at the moment, im at cracking point i just want to od and end it all now.
they havent found out who is sending the messages or who was involved in the incident and it feels like they never will, the messages are coming from 3 different numbers and i dont think they are just threats anymore, i think its all going to start up again and im scared so scared.
my mood is so low and the voices are bad too i just cant cope anymore i want it over with now
hey jo. been a few days since you've been on...hope you're doin better. whats been goin on since last posted? i asked this awhile back, maybe worth mentioning again; perhaps moving would help, as wouldnt be in a place that were abused in, and hopefully if no traces are left, the people who've hurt you wouldn't be able to find you. i dunno. maybe talk to the police about that?
*snuggles gently* youre strong jo. you can make it hun. if you ever want/need to, can pm me
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
sorry ive not been on in a while, things just got a whole lot worse and stuff happened and i was unable to get on here.
my life at the moment is hell and im hurting both mentally and physically, i cant take anymore of this. why does this always happen to me? what have i done wrong?
im sorry maybe i shouldnt be posting anymore i dont deserve help and support, i am just bad.
im really finding it hard to cope at the moment, everything is just to much for me. the abuse has started up all over again and im so scared i dont want to live like that again, i just cant.
the way im feeling just now i just want to curl up and die, i cant take anymore.
why is this happening all over again? what have i done wrong?
what makes them want to hurt me, abuse me and make fun out of me when i react badly to horrible nasty stuff they do to me? why me?
i dont understand why they keep doing this to me, is it because im weak and bad? all i know is that i cant deal with this no more i really cant, ive had enough of my life them the voices bad thoughts and urges i just cant do it anymore.
thank you for your kind words libz and anna, im sorry ive not been on in a while i got hurt pretty bad and so was in hospital. im now back at home and not doing so good just now, everything is just all to much to cope with.
i feel like i just want to end it all right now, ive got really bad thoughts nd severe urges which i cant fight against anymore, my head is a mess im a complete mess
head not good atm but glad to hear from you. you tell police
everything? call call forget what the name is...crisis team? nhs? i dunno, that number can call when feelin unsafe. *snuggle gentle* love you jo. you have a cpn or therapist or talk to doc who gives meds? people wio hurt you are ones who need punished, not you. theres somethin wrong with them- nothin gives anyone right to hurt someone.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
im sorry your head not good atm hunni. no not told police i cant cause they said they'd hurt me even more bad if i told anyone, im so scared. can ring nhs if need too but i dont like too bother them. i dont have cpn or therapist anymore but could try my doctor i guess. *snuggles into you* love you too Anna.
something wrong with them not me? but they say it my fault they say i bad and need to be punished, my head a mess i so confused right now, just dont no what im doing anymore want to end it all want it over
need tell nice police woman hun. call her n tell her, tell her might be nekng watched still so that no marked police car goes to your home. they cant know youve told if you dont go to the station and no police car goes to your house. they need to be stopped, jus like the people who in jail right now for hutkn you have been stopped. know is real hard but is what they deserve and you deserve to be safe.
nhs is there to help, is their job. not a bothet to them. we dont have anything like that here. not government run anyways.
mhm is them that has the problem. no one deserves to be hurt. theyre jus sayin whatever they think will keep you quiet. dont have to listen to them.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
i am feeling so suicidal just now and im really struggling to keep going, my head is so mixed up and full of bad thoughts and strong urges i dont think i can fight for much longer.
i couldnt call the police lady yesterday everytime it started to ring i had to hang up i just couldnt do it, im sorry
im a failure and stupid, i just cant do nothing right
*curls up tight*
im not doing great just now feeling very low and suicidal. yesterday was a bad day i couldnt fight the bad thoughts, voices and urges no more and hurt myself, was hoping they would all calm down after but they didnt. i feel so alone and desperate right now and out of control i dont no what to do anymore.
struggling to phone the police i feel like such a failure and useless, but im scared. right now i want to just curl up and die
You're not a waste of space, Jo! <3 You're hurting and that's perfectly understandable with all you been through. I wish I could do more to help you. Just know that I'm here for you and that yo're not a failure or a waste of space. You're a human being and we all make mistakes and relapse on hurting ourselves. Its ok. We are here for you sweetie <33 Stay strong
thank you sammy and everyone who is supporting me at the moment i really do appreciate it i do.
im in a bad way just now, im having severe flashbacks of this last assault and i keep losing it, im self harming lots which isnt like me really i havent harmed in months until yesterday. but i can feel them on me i cant scrub them off ive tried they wont go so now need to get rid of them another way.
the voices are so intense and the bad thoughts and urges thati cant fight them anymore, i just want to give up now im tired of all this, the voices are screaming at me they want me to harm more they want me to do it worse they wont stop shouting at me they angry so angry. no please stop leave me alone please i dont want to do that i dont please no no
im sorry my head wont stop
