So, I self harmed this evening, and now I'm in more pain than when I actually did the cutting. Yeah the cutting hurt, but it hurts more now I'm done. The first cut is always the most painful, and when I cut further into it or make it longer, it feels good, painful too, but good. I then just "enjoy" the bleeding (which for me is the best bit and probably the part that helps me feel better) and, unless I continue to deepen or lengthen the cut, I wait for it to stop bleeding, and bandage up ready for the inevitable trip to A&E.
But now I'm sat here squirming and "ooohing" and "ahhhhing" because it hurts so much. Yeah it's my own fault, but I didn't do it for it to hurt nooooow. Just at the time, lol.
im not sure why it hurts so much. it may be because when you're in the urge you're not really fully aware of the pain, but once the urge has passed you feel all of it (like how athletes can compete despite injuries until their adrenaline runs out)... but it may be a sign that it is worse than usual and needs medical attention... get help from a doctor if you need it.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I can relate. It doesn't make you stupid.
I really dislike the pain later on as well. It always makes me feel a bit daft too, like, I've done this to myself but the next day I'm going "ow" and muttering to myself that it hurts.
I don't know why it is hurting more than what you are used to but I hope that you managed to do what you said in PM (I won't say here in case you don't want people to know) and that that helped.
Lol I wish. Sometime I tell Jordan it hurts and he's like 'well yeah, you did it, its supposed to' but it's not. It's only meant to hurt on my terms :'/
Yeah it was only stripped at ye hospital, but today I had a bath and opened it and lengthened it and deepened it so it's another trip today. My god, I'm a waste of their time :/
Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that.
I hope this question is okay - would you be more/less likely to reopen if a different wound closure had been used (like glue or stitches)? It sounds as though the fact it had 'only' been steristripped led to the further self harm.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I do have a tendency to open it if it's stripped or glued (as easy to open as strips :/) as opposed to stitches or staples.
I spent over 2 hours at A&E, and had strips, which I could have done at home. I was seen in triage and then had to wait even longer for the doctor, who just got a nurse to deal with it. It pissed me off beyond belief, and I had a massive fight (physical) with Jordan and ended up ripping the strips off. He later helped put new ones on though so it was ok. Until today obviously. I only went because I could see fat and thought it needed more than strips >.< i get annoyed easily lol.
Yeah, I wonder whether you're able to speak to the nurse and mention that there's little point stripping it because you take them off, and ask if they could stitch it instead? They might be more helpful if they understand.
They probably think that it's time saving, or easier if they strip it, which is obviously isn't because of today. Are you going to A&E and get it looked at again?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I went to A&E and it said the waiting time was 3 hours and it was PACKED. Like, more people than I've ever seen in there! But we got called through within 10 minutes, they looked at it, decided it needed staples, took me through, got the doctor to check it, then stapled it. I cried, as I always do with staples, but they gave me some some ibuprofen so that's helped.
They asked if I wanted to see the crisis team, but it wasn't a crisis so I wasn't quite sure why they asked :/
The Crisis team can help when things are bad, not just what you might feel is a crisis. Obviously from their perspective, A&E twice in two days is really not good.
Now that this has happened - and you've had staples this time - do you feel any differently/better, or do you think that you will probably end up at A&E again in the near future?
(Sorry if I'm blunt).
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
