They absolutely need to ensure you have adequate emotional support when you are discharged. And I tend to agree with the psychologist, that it's not really time yet. It's yuck that you had to move wards and he didn't, especially as you need a really stable containing environment right now. It can be so hard to trust new people when you're feeling especially vulnerable, and re-traumatised also. The sense of feeling punished for this also sounds traumatising in it's own way, and is probably stirring up the man.
I hope night staff feel safe for you to talk to. Well done for reaching out to us, that's a big thing you've done and means you're not totally alone with this. And remember, we're on your side.
Crisis house is a week to two week stay in a supportive environment just for women (mostly escaping abuse, from what my CC told me about it -which will be an issue I fear) that is not locked and you are free to leave at any point.
On discharge I would have that, or Day patient and the crisis teams number. Which will be great, and I will be very happy to engage and use those services.
But what I wanted from my admission, and the reason I stopped fighting the section, was that I would be given some support in learning how to manage the bigger, potentially lethal commands I have to follow in a safer way. At the moment I have not been given that opportunity and even engaging in DP and crisis houses wold not keep me from leaving to follow them. The on,y things that stops me here is the door is locked.
I am not asking them to cure me, or to make it all go away because I am aware that is not possible, nor why I am here. But I need something that will stop me dying or being re-admittd once I'm discharged. Or this whole time has been a waste.
Am I being unreasonable? If I am please do tell me because it's possible I am and I just need to leave hosp and try not to follow the commands for as long as possible.
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, you know why you're there, but do they? I'm not at all familiar with how the system works, but would you be able to bring these issues up with the staff and tell them what you feel are the most urgent and important issues right now (assuming you haven't already)? The staff are there to help, so I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them for whatever help you feel you need, especially when you're asking for help to stop dying once you leave their care.
Is there also any option for long term sexual abuse/rape survivor counselling? Just, I think that could really help. I may be wrong of course, but.
Is it the unlocked-ness that is the only worry re the crisis house, or is the abuse side of it sort of freaking you out too?
I don't think your needs are unreasonable, though I see that managing those things can really take the longer term, and the problemo is what/where could help keep you safe whilst you do this.
I may be off the mark here, and stop me if you can't take any more in, but my understanding of managing the dissociative defensive splitness [and mine isn't as ?divided//right word as yours, maybe, so I may be off track] is to build on the present reality stable healthy state so as to contain and bear the shadowy stuff without following it's dictates so much.
I know I'm very much a 'why?' person, maybe cos part of me stopped developing emotionally at 5!!! but do you have an understanding, in non-psychosis mind, of why the commands are there? So that, you can say in your mind, ok, this man in my head/mind/emotional inner life is saying to do this, and he's saying that because.... but that's not a good thing to do, it won't really protect me. What will really protect me is....
[I told the psychologist this. Even though the man wanted me to lie]
^^^
I have lots of love for this sentence. Proud of you for talking. Just by doing this you are already beginning to challenge the man and perhaps lots of little times you challenge or break the rules and see that nothing bad happens will help you to see that he cannot control you or hurt you.
I think that IP can only offer you a safe place, which it has for now. They don't tend to "treat" in IP, unless you go to a snazzy hospital.
They just keep you safe until you're deemed more stable, and they medicate you and then I've never seen them do much more really.
I think Day Patient would be good, because then you're occupied, and I imagine it's easier to build skills and ignore the man when you're more occupied, busy, not alone.
Have they put you on anti-psychs to make him go away?
You seem like you've done really well even learning to not do small things like little bits of self harm. That's really positive. Is there anyone who can look aftetr your meds for you, or could you ask your GP to put you on daily prescriptions so you go to the chemist every day to get yours meds. Its a pain, but when they did that for me for weeks on end, it really really helped.
Just an idea, to stop the ODing then you'll have to deal with those thoughts and challenge them without any means to carry it out - which might prove that you dont need to do it. I found that too when i was in hosp, that I didn't NEED to OD or self harm like i thought i did because i dealt with what i was avoiding by doing those things in my hospital room: and yeah i was going crazy but now i'm stronger and i think you will be too one day.
I don't have much advice to give really but i wanted to say i can relate alot. For me hospital has always provided a "safe place" but i never get any help working on the underlying issues, and i often leave hospital feeling worse then when i went in.
The crisis house sounds like a good idea, you could give it a try, becuase in the end it's not the end of the world if it won't work out.
Keep going hun, *love and hugs*
Do not adjust your mind, there is a fault in reality
Hi Jodie - I don't really know you, but I thought I'd just let you know I've been following this thread and you're in my thoughts. I think you're being really brave, and I admire that. I bring many gifts of hugs, smiles, and especially glitter. I hope things start to look up soon,
Ailsa xxx
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
Love you munchkin.
I have no additional nonsense to ramble at you for now [sure you'll be glad to hear that :p], but just wanted to spam you with love. Just in case you went all BPD again and took your cards down because everyone hated you :p
You are most wonderful, and brave and stronger than you'll ever believe. I really miss you and owe you another Dark Mark. I'm also starting to run riot a bit, the house elves are in tutus and I've taught the owl how to blow smoke rings :/ As much fun as making the house elves re-enact Swan Lake is, I miss you.
Love you, cruel one.
xoxo, Roddy.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Just wanted to remind you (even though everyone else decided to as well :P) that you are much loved and that I hope you are feeling better soon. Stay strong
Jodie love I'm really proud of you for how brave you are being and how strong you are.
You are not being unreasonable. Is there any way Jenna can meet with your psychiatrist/doctor and support you in expressing exactly what you said in here, about needing help in learning to challenge the bigger things and needing to start that process in a safe space?
It can really help to have someone backing you up - Amy needed it at times, as have I needed her to back me up vocally in the past.
You can do this Jodie. I know there are some conflicting things for you right now it the best thing you can do is be honest with the staff and especially your doctors.
You deserve the best from life lovely. If you're still in hosp when we're over I'll do my best to drop by with the Dark Lord ;) possibly Jenna will help us navigate!
I think you worded things really well in your last post ehre about what you want from this admission, I wonder if you could pop it on paper and give it to someone, like the psychologist perhaps?
