Im also not sure what to do. I had a horrible night last night I was visiting the IOP program I was in, and decided that I want to go back for the summer. I have been considering this in the past month or two. But what if im making it up? what if im not feeling bad enough for the program? I was much worse last time I was in it. I love the therapists, I dont want them to be disapointed in me needing to come back, and thinking that i dont really need to be there.
Yesterday was so horrible and I wanted to die so bad, but now i see it was just hormones. it wasnt real, i dont like that.
i do want to go back to IOP, but i dont want to eat right. i dont want to. so how will being there help? I dont know what I would talk about in open group. its not the kind of group where you just say I want to die, or whatever the issue is, you say something that othes can help you solve or figure out. I dont have anything to solve.
I also dont want to tell my mom that I want to go back. The only reason I need to is cause im on her insurance still-im 25 o she will see(and i dont want to lie/sneak around) but she has no idea i have been feeling so bad she thinks everything is fine and dandy and has been for awhile. There is so much she doesnt know. I have no doubt she will say yes. last time she said no and then instead of going straight to IOP and being proactive, I ended up in the hospital a month later.
what if im a fake and dont need anything at all? I want the attention, i want to be cared for, i feel safe there. but do I actually need it?
I'm guessing IOP doesn't stand for Institute of Physics, which is where my head has gone.
I'm sure they won't be disappointed; people relapse, it happens, and it's horrible, but they won't think badly of you.
What's holding you back from telling your mum? It sounds you're going to end up having to tell her at some point, why not do it now, on your own terms.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
i bet that more people go back than you realize. right now i'm in contact with a couple people that i was in residential with, and a fair number of them have gone back to the same place, or to somewhere else with similar programs.
i don't know how going there would help if you still don't want to eat. i mean, if you refuse to eat, and refuse treatment, then there wouldn't be much point in going. what is it about the program that you liked? are there any parts of the program that you would work at?
it sounds like talking with your mom would be a good thing to do. i think that most parents would want to know if their child is struggling, no matter how difficult or inconvenient it may be for them to know. i know that my parents hated the idea of me struggling on my own...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
i was in it a year ago, and ever since I have been in contact and see the therapists for a visit every few months. its strange for me to be able to see a therapist once I leave, but this is a healthy relationship/boundry or whatever you want to say.
But I speak to them, and I dont want them to think im faking it. or be disapointed.
i dont want to eat and i want to loose a ton of weight. but i guess i sort of wish that I didnt care. but I do and i hate myself.
I want to go back. I got so much out of it last time. I need to be back in art therapy. I need art therapy. and I want this art therapist. I love her.
I don't think you're screaming for attention.
But if you have doubts, why not talk about it to your therapist ? He might be able to tell you if you need to go back or not.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
