Speak of the devil... my twin on Facebook at the moment:
"I don't see why you would choose to be sad over happy?"
"X's sister has a terminal illness, and she's not cutting herself."
"Well, when you look at it like that, if I was termanly ill then you can cut
but untill that point you like kittens and rainbows, good deal?"
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Some friends that do not know that I self harm: "People who self harm must be crazy, they need to suck it up", and " if someone cuts they are dangerous"... -.-
Ive been looking into guided meditation type relaxation stuff atm, because as well as all my sh/mh shizz ive got some pretty bad jaw pain which has been recently been traced to the fact that i clench my jaw when stressed. My mum doesnt know about the mh stuff, but she was there when this was decided about the jaw, and she herself has had jaw pain in the past from doing this because of the same tnedency to worry and stress about stuff, as i got it from her
Mum: but you shouldnt be stressed at 17
Me: well i get it from you, dont i?
Mum: but i didnt do it at 17
So 17 is just too young to worry? She passed it on to me, i learnt it from her! That just annoyed me so much, its typical of her attitude. Im still a child, if its in my head its not real or important. I hate it
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
Some of life's mysteries will never be solved, such as why, after spending an entire evening listenong to Bach, do I find myself humming "the birdie song".......
I am reaching, but i fall, and the stars are black and cold, as i stare into the void of a world that cannot hold- les miserables
Ive been looking into guided meditation type relaxation stuff atm, because as well as all my sh/mh shizz ive got some pretty bad jaw pain which has been recently been traced to the fact that i clench my jaw when stressed. My mum doesnt know about the mh stuff, but she was there when this was decided about the jaw, and she herself has had jaw pain in the past from doing this because of the same tnedency to worry and stress about stuff, as i got it from her
Mum: but you shouldnt be stressed at 17
Me: well i get it from you, dont i?
Mum: but i didnt do it at 17
So 17 is just too young to worry? She passed it on to me, i learnt it from her! That just annoyed me so much, its typical of her attitude. Im still a child, if its in my head its not real or important. I hate it
^ this. All the adults around me refuse to acknowledge that I'm depressed. Even when I cut real bad, it was 'just my age'
"you'll be alright"
Sometimes reassuring but sometimes unhelpful.
"I don't see why you hate yourself. You've got nothing to hate about yourself!"
I can find plenty of things.
Me - I can't wait to move out and start my own life living on my own.
Mum - why, so you can self harm to your heart's content?
^ I hate how she makes terrible assumptions now that she knows. I was actually looking forward to the independence.
Oh, and my mum couldn't find a kitchen knife and went crazy at me asking me where it was, insisting that I knew, because "I'm the only one who steals them" (I've never ever stolen one or used one on myself recently). She raided my room and I assured that if I couldn't find any knives in my room then it's not likely she'd be able to. She found it in the kitchen drawer.
Assumptions hurt.
~ Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything ~
"Oh, and my mum couldn't find a kitchen knife and went crazy at me asking me where it was, insisting that I knew, because "I'm the only one who steals them" (I've never ever stolen one or used one on myself recently). She raided my room and I assured that if I couldn't find any knives in my room then it's not likely she'd be able to. She found it in the kitchen drawer.
Assumptions hurt.
That reminded me of how my parents were reacting when they found out I was a teen. Their reaction was to lock all the sharp knives away in the gun cabinet, only bringing them out one at a time when it was being used. If you wanted to use one for whatever reason (say chopping an onion) then you had to ask, and wait for them to bring it to you. As soon as it wasnt needed, then it had to be locked away. Never mind the fact that I never used the kitchen knives to cut myself with (what I was actually using they let me keep) or even actually misused the kitchen knives in any way, they had to be locked away "because I couldnt be trusted". Instead of trying to deal with the problem, that was their solution. This carried on for 5 years before they realised how impractical it was and besides the fact they knew I was still SIing, and that by locking the knives away that it was making no difference to my SIing.
So that may not be an inappropriate thing to say, but it was certainly an inappropriate action.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
Another thing that happened today really annoyed me, and I almost killed the person that said it.
Basically someone was complaining that a cat had scratched her, and she said "Good job I am not going out this weekend because it looks like I have been self harming" and then she mimics an cutting action.
It really annoyed me and also how dare she presume that all SIers cut on their arms? Like I said, I almost killed her and I had to leave for my own good. She's an ignorant person, really.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
That reminded me of how my parents were reacting when they found out I was a teen. Their reaction was to lock all the sharp knives away in the gun cabinet, only bringing them out one at a time when it was being used. If you wanted to use one for whatever reason (say chopping an onion) then you had to ask, and wait for them to bring it to you.
My parents had me using plastic cutlery for quite a while when I was a teenager.
Definitely an inappropriate action, but I get blamed even now 7 years later when things go missing - despite me never taking anything.
It bothers me when doctors make rude comments or motions when they see my scars. It's like, I'm here for something completely unrelated... can you just do what you are supposed to do and move on? Or, if you must say something, don"t be rude about it!
Never gotten this directly, but heard it said about others.
"People that cut themselves should just go die already."
Because of people like you, they might. Good job, hope you're proud.
A nurse saying i was "ruining my beauty", I was like what effing beauty? Or same nurse saying "oh those cuts aren't too bad". sorry, next time I'll cut worse. A psych saying it was "just nonsense". Well it's not nonsense, it's a coping method, if I didn't do that I'd do worse and kill myself.
i have had the same thing with my support worker and ex i find self harming a relief and if i did it then i couldnt do a proper job of killing myself
the 1st person recently that found out i was self harming was my boyfriend which then broke up with me because of it he came round and was at m9ine for 5hrs asking why i had done it and then started threatening that he would get me sectioned which i then told him he couldnt as i did it in my own home
another one he said is if you really want to cut then cut me instead as your breaking my heart seeing you do this
another one i hated is that he kept saying swear on your kids life that you wont cut again and i couldnt do that so he then said well if you dont swear on there lifes then i wont be your friend any more
i hated hereing him say that as i have no friends or family around me im totally isolated and his the only person i can talk to
