Remember I said I was taking pills? Well I never stopped. I managed to call a friend to come over and then I drove to the hospital. Big mistake. I have to appear in court fir driving under the influence of drugs. Apparently I even drove through the mechanical arm by the gate. I suck
I talked to my therapist a bit but it didn't go well. John is upset. He hasn't even looked at me. I kind of feel like giving up. Maybe I will set a date and see how things go by then. No one cares anyway.
I'm so sorry you're still having a hard. You do not suck I promise. I'm glad you called someone and went to the hospital. I know it sucks big time that you now have to go to court...but it is more important that you actually got there and got help. Do not set a date. If anything else, I care, and I am extremely glad you're still here. Please don't do anything. I know how you feel, I really do. Please PM me if you need anything. Type out everything you're feeling, type every possible reason you can think of to stay here. <3
I'm glad that you got hospital treatment - your post was very concerning and you didn't sound in a safe head space at all, and also the damage you were doing to yourself physically. Well done for calling your friend, it was a great decision.
I'm sorry that at the time, you weren't able to consider other options to get to hospital. It must have been a very distressing time and whilst it's understandable that you were stopped and now have to go to court, I hope they will be understanding and treat you as well as possible. Bless you.
Is John your partner? I often find that when people attempt to kill themselves, myself included, close family and friends can get very upset and stressed naturally but it often manifests as anger once they know the person is safe. Sort of like, "You were going to leave me, how could you?" etc. Do you feel it would be helpful to talk to John at the moment? If he isn't ready, then don't push the issue. I promise in time that it will get easier for you both with this situation.
I'm also sorry to hear things didn't go well with your therapy session. At the time, maybe everything was just too overwhelming and experiencing so many emotions which does make therapy very difficult.
Don't give up. People do care. I only have to look at the responses from your thread on here to know that people care and we are an online community. I obviously don't know a lot about your personal life but I am sure there are many that do care for you and that it is the depression twisting things.
xxx
Mum24, I hear that you are really struggling right now and that things are tough. Sometimes, when I am of a similar mindset to yourself, I become of the opinion that if killing myself is an option, why not reach out for help first? If it does fail, it's always a fallback. Now, I am not advocating suicide and I do not want you to kill yourself, even if it is your choice, but please try to get some help first. Did hospital arrange any aftercare or give you any crisis numbers? Please tell someone how you're feeling.
That's what you think but it is not necessarily true. It's hard and incredibly isolating when you're feeling like this. It can be such a strong and overwhelming belief to think that people will be better off without you but then, John was upset when you OD'd the other day... that shows, to me, that he would be far more hurt and upset if you killed yourself. He doesn't want to see you hurting like this and nor do your children. They love and care about you a great deal, even if you cannot see it.
Why do you want to die? Is it that you actually want to die or that you don't want to live anymore?
I don't know why I want to die, failure, stupidity, depression.
I can't go to a&e because I have to seer psychiatrist with my husband at 1. After that I will craft my plan.
