I feel so all alone. Ever since I went in the hospital and got on new meds, I have to pretend like I'm healed. For a while everything really was good, but lately not so much. I feel like an empty hole. I feel like an utter failure (especially since dropping out of uni). I go for a walk and I think of the treetops like swords and I should be on one of them. Will this ever go away? Am I crazy? I hate being me. I suck. Things are good and I suck.
I wish I knew what to tell you to make it better, but I feel pretty much the same way, so know that you are definitely not alone. I don't know you but I know you don't suck and I do know that this will go away eventually. You are on here reaching out for help, you are not a failure. I wish I could help more, but please just remember you are not alone and if you ever need someone to listen to you, feel free to PM me anytime
Thank you for answering my post nevermeanttofade. I do feel better knowing I'm not alone. Though I'm sad for you too. I don't understand why I feel this way. My new meds were supposed to be the answer to everything yet I feel myself slipping. I hate it. It worked for a while and now not so much. I want to call my therapist guy and rant but I would feel guilty doing so. And I have a family that needs me to be okay. I'm really awful. Sorry :(
I don't know what your medicine is supposed to be doing for you, bot if it's not working tell someone. Really. Maybe there's something else that can do more. But if those aren't working, why bother?
And trust me, the therapist shouldn't mind. That's what they're paid the big bucks for -- listening to people.
Thank you silent symphony. I hear what you are saying. I guess I feel like this is as good as it's going to get meds wise. I've been trying different meds for 4 years now.
Maybe I will call my therapist. I'm just afraid of the cOnsequences.
I feel like such a loser.
I called him and left him a pathetic whiny message. I feel totally bad about everything. I can't keep going down this road. I am such a screwup. Why am I doing this?
I'm sorry things are so difficult at the moment. I understand the need to have everyone think that you're doing better but honestly, you don't need pretend you're healed. People will want to know how you're really doing, and they CAN help, but only if you're honest with them. There are always different medications and therapies to try.
Well done for calling your therapist; I think being honest about how you are is a good thing. I hope he'll get back to you soon. I don't think you're a screw-up, it sounds like you're hurting a lot right now, and that doesn't make you a failure at all. Instead of beating yourself up at the moment, could you choose to be gentle with yourself and try to do something nice to take care of yourself?
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
I know how your feeling. I was going down the same path not too long ago.
I live with my boyfriend and my depression got in the way of EVERYTHING. I remember getting mad over him not wanting to listen to me whine one night so I yelled at him and slept on the floor contemplating suicide.
Thankfully I didn't. I fell asleep and woke up and went back to bed. The next morning my boyfriend adn i had a long discussion about me getting on meds.
They really helped at first, but then it was like they didnt do anythign. So the dr upped the meds and it helped more.
After about a month on them I become a complete bit*c. I didn't care about anyone but me. I hated the meds, but when I didn't take them, they made me even more depressed.
One day I couldn't take it anymore. I ended up in the hospital and they took me off the meds. The days after were tough because of withdrawls. But I relized I didn't need medication. Maybe you don't either, (I'm not a dr so don't like stop taking them without talking to them) I learned that talking through the problems and keeping myself busy was a good thing for me. The meds clouded my mind and i hated it.
But, on the other hand, my sister was on almost 3 different kinds before she found the perfect one, and she's happy on it.
It takes time to find the perfect treatment for each individual person. Don't feel bad for calling your therepist, thats why they are there. If they didn't want to listen to people they wouldn't have became one in the first place. I think its a great that you called. It's a big step and it shows that you want thing to be better. I don't reall know you, but you don't sound like a screw up :)
Just hang in there, and everything gets better. Hopefully the therepist can get you something else to try.
Thanks so much for responding to me. I guess I'm feeling a little better today. Nighttime is often hardest. When I called my therapist I asked him not to call me back, so he hasn't called today. I'm glad he hasn't called. It was such a whiny and pathetic message. Today I am working on getting some exercise and sleeping. I want to lose weight, even though I probably don't need to. Maybe a bit. I want to lose 25 pounds. I hate being hungry. Ugh. But it's also a way that I can take control of something! I feel out of control. Life is just pulling me along. Guess I'm still not getting better. I don't know what's wrong with me. :(
