|
Not happy
Well hello there everyone, I am extremely unhappy and thoughts of suicide frequently cross my mind. I don't enjoy doing anything, and everytime I think about the future I realize I don't have one. But I thought before I pack er in I'll try to get help so I came here to this forum, I started in the chat and it's nice to talk to people that care, not a bullshit I care about you because you're paying me to. But an actual caring nature. I'm 16 now, 17 in April. This post is very disjointed I know but I'm just sort of writing everything that comes to mind. Like I said in chat I don't self harm by cutting or hitting, I put myself in situations that do it for me, or get in fights and barely fight back. I play Rugby and Football and am considered a popular kid, but I'm mainly well liked because I'm not judgemental, I'm very nice (in my opinion) and I'm 110% fake. Everymorning while the girls put on their make up I put on my "happy face" oh boy would everyone be surprised if I did anything to myself. The last time I remember being happy and hopeful was after smashing my head really hard, I had a headache before bed and was so excited that it might be an aneurysm and I could just not wake up. Anyways I'd chat with anyone that wants to chat with me, not trying to sound overly dramatic but I'm not sure how long I have left.
Oh and I have ridiculous trust issues. Like to a horrible degree, I'll elaborate more if anyone cares but meh.
|
