Does anyone ever want to hurt themselves because of.. well.. because of a relationship they lost? I feel silly saying it.. because I have worse problems..
But I miss him.. I miss him so much.. and sometimes I feel like self harming is better than feeling the emotional pain. It just hurts so much, and I have nightmares about it. I don't know what to do. I've been in love before - but not like this. Not this strong. And I've never been rejected so hard.
Maybe it's because he was the last happiness I felt before my best friend passed away..
I never let myself get to that point...I always ASSUME I'll lose people, so I hurt myself first and cut my friends off before they get fed up and tell me that they really don't care about me.
I think it's brave of you to have let yourself love him. It's hard now, and it sucks that this one didn't work out, but one day it will work out with someone, and it will be amazing. That is only possible because you're willing to risk the rejection you're feeling right now. So as much as it sucks, it's a good thing, and the fact that you took that risk shows a lot of courage. You can get through this.
Yup. I was the other woman for a while so had immense guilt as well as eventual rejection. It really hurts when you fall so deeply for someone, they get what they want from you and then leave and don't seem to care.
What I can say is that it will take time but you will eventually be able to think of him without feeling the emotional pain or wanting to cause physical pain. Would it help maybe to make a list of the reasons why he's not good for you in your thoughts (the nightmares, this desire to harm etc) and the more positive things you can take from this experience (anything you've learnt from him or about yourself etc) just so you can see something more forward thinking that the need to harm because of feelings from the past?
You can be happy again and you will find someone right for you. In the meantime we just have to try learning from our mistakes and looking forwards not backwards.
I also wonder whether the death of your friend is compunding the issue and this could be something to talk about with a grief counsellor or someone.
We were dating for 7 months. I lived 5 hours away and he put himself way out there, totally went out of his way to see me and was, in every way, absolutely perfect. For SEVEN months. Introduced me to his friends, brought me camping, spent weekends alone with me, travelled for an hour to see me even though he had work the next morning and would have to get up at 5 am to bus for at least an hour to get to work.. And then one day in August he TEXTED me and said "You're really hot and everything, but there's just nothing there." And that was it. We talked for a while, were friends and all.. and then in December he came to see me when I was visiting a friend. We spent the night together, and I never heard a word from him again. Literally, NOTHING.
Last week he texted me to tell me he's moving about 11 hours up north (to quote him, he said "what will you do when I move up north?), I asked if I could see him before he left and he said no. Why would he tell me then?
I am so hurt. It hurts and I don't know how to make it stop!! He was the last happiness I had before my best friend passed away.. I don't know what to do.. I don't have money for a counsellor of any sort and I'm dieing here! Losing my best friend.. and then losing him.. I don't know how to cope....
*hugs* It sounds like this guy has put you in an awful situation and not given you much of an explanation at all. Can you maybe try and tell yourself that if he would treat you like this then he isn't worth it and that the happiness you once had probably won't come back?
It may also help to communicate your feelings to him, as a way of getting them off your chest and to help you move on.
x
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Everyone - Whatever you need to hear.
*hugs back* Yeah.. I don't know.. I've tried all the things that usually work, I mean I'm usually pretty good at getting over guys but this bruise is just sticking. I feel like I need to tell him how I feel sometimes, but then I also feel like I have before.. and he doesn't even respond, like no acknowledgement. And if there's any chance of him ever speaking to me again, I don't want to wreck it by always talking about a relationship we don't even have any more
maybe it would help to write a letter to him (or some other means of communication) to get it all out, but then not send it... i do this periodically, and it is helpful a bit more than half the time
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
