friend w eating disorder, what else can i do?

foreverXanXaddict · 17-01-2012, 05:53 AM

Really good friend of mine has a very bad eating disorder.

Her parents know.
She sees a therapist.
She sees a nutritionist.

That being said. I don't know how to help her. She says she would rather talk to me than anyone about it,which is great, but I feel useless. Advice please? Tell me what its like having an eating disorder. What to say. What you would want to hear. And PLEASE don't tell me "just listen" because I want to be able to do more than that.

She always asks how I'm doing (w cutting/mental health). I avoid it (she's 4 yrs younger than me) bc I feel like I should be setting an example for her. And in reality I'm doing horrible. But when I see her in person and she asks, its very hard for me to lie to her. Help?

rara avis · 17-01-2012, 08:33 AM

Hey forever,

It sounds like you are a really good friend.
Honestly just be there for her, and like you didn't want to hear, listen.
I am a bit concerned that she'd rather talk to you than the professionals, that sounds like it could become unhealthy. She really needs to utilise the professional support she is getting. Just do what you are doing, be a friend and an ear, but make sure she's not using you as a therapist because that is unhealthy for the both of you.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are and if you are getting support for yourself?

In relation to being an example I'm not sure. I try and do the same for my younger brother as we both have schizophrenia so I can relate. But I'm not sure what to say... All my suggestions would be ones that would help you for example: work at recovery, use your coping strategies, talk to and be honest with any professionals that support you.
I wouldn't lie to her when you are doing badly, but I wouldn't go into too much detail either.
I have no idea if any of that helped but I'm here and listening.

Hope you are ok
Rara

TomiJoseph · 17-01-2012, 09:01 AM

Honestly, the roots behind an eating disorder are very very similar to the roots behind mental illness. You have issues with mental health and self injury, her eating disorder is just her form of SI. The same things you want to hear or have someone do for you are likely very similar to the things she wants from others, or things that would be helpful to her. I think you are doing a great job by being concerned and by being there for her. I can understand her preferring to talk to a friend than a professional, but also urge her to be just as open with her therapist, since they will be the ones who understand what would help her the most. If she doesn't feel comfortable with her therapist, she can always get a new one. The best thing you can do is listen to her feelings, her triggers, just let her talk. Even if you feel helpless doing just that, it does wonders for someone struggling to just be able to get their emotions out in a healthy way.

You sound like a fantastic friend and you guys are lucky to have each other. <3 Just continue to be there for her. Also, don't neglect your own feelings. If you feel too overwhelmed, you won't be able to help anybody. If you don't have a therapist as well, I would strongly recommend one.

I hope you and your friend are doing well and I wish you both luck in your recoveries. Hugs :)

foreverXanXaddict · 17-01-2012, 05:33 PM

Ahh thanks guys! That all was REALLY helpful!

As for me, I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. I have a good friend who I talk to about stuff as well so I'm pretty solid in that department I'm just not doing well? Idk if that makes sense.

I think she's honest with her mental health team, its just easier to talk to someone who is closer in age and I guess is kind of going through the same thing? That'd be my guess.

Trying really hard to help myself before others. its hard though sometimes.

Thanks again!