My mom chose her bf over me, and now I am breaking down

TomiJoseph · 14-01-2012, 06:26 AM

There was recently an incident at my house where my mom's bf got mad at me over a misunderstanding, so he thought it would be a great idea to yell in my face and shove me against a wall with his chest. Ever since it happened, my mom keeps trying to justify what he did and tell me why it's my fault, which I know damn well it's not. I decided right then and there that I had to leave. My dad and I are gonna get an apmt, but for now, I'm staying with friends so I can just avoid everyone in that house. My mom got pissed at me and lectured me a lot about how stupid moving out is, but I can't stay in a house where a big guy is allowed to push me around. Anyways, because of this, I have to move out, I'm gonna have to quit school over this, I have to work so my dad and I can afford food, I have to figure out how I'm gonna keep up my long distance relationship without internet (unless we can find dirt cheap internet), I have to solve everything. I'm left solving a million problems that I didn't create. My mom wants me to make nice with her bf, but I don't care if I never see his pathetic ass ever again.

It's just that right now I feel so alone, under so much stress, I don't know what to do. I want to break down and cry, but I can't since I'm at a friend's house. Since I can't cry, I wanna self injure, but I'm trying so damn hard to stop, I don't wanna give in. I feel trapped with all this stress and all these bullshit emotions and I just don't even know what to do anymore or how much longer I can deal with all this before I go insane.

lilmissjay · 14-01-2012, 07:45 AM

I'm really sorry to hear that you are having to go through all of this. I'm glad to hear that you've stood up for yourself and left instead of staying around your Mom's boyfriend. I know you said that you can't cry, but it can really help a lot. Maybe you could even talk with the friend you're staying with about how you're feeling at the moment or just try different distractions so that the urges to harm will lessen or go away altogether? But honestly, harming isn't going to make any of this better. It will just make things harder on you if you anything. I'm sorry if what I've said isn't helpful, but you can always PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. Take care :)

kbeth · 14-01-2012, 10:03 AM

I'm really sorry you're going through that. I can relate--my mom always chooses herself over her kids, and it's really painful for me. It's not right that your mom creates more problems for you instead of helping you and building you up. Just remember that just because your mom isn't acting in a caring way doesn't mean that you should beat yourself up--you have to work that much harder to be kind to yourself and nurture yourself. Congrats for making it this far without SI, and keep it up! :) <3

TomiJoseph · 14-01-2012, 09:54 PM

Thank you guys so much for the hugs and replies, they mean a lot. I ended up just going to sleep. I'm back at my mom's house now, but only for a month and it won't be so bad, just awkward is all. :P

Lolly Land · 15-01-2012, 03:25 AM

Glad to hear your back at you mums. If her bf is like that then maybe she needs to around, if she feels like she needs to justify a reason for him, maybe issue with him are lying deeper for her as well. When someone is scared of being alone they justify stupidity xxxxxx

TomiJoseph · 15-01-2012, 09:16 AM

I definitely agree with that, she can't have him leave. Without his income, she'd prolly be homeless.

UPDATE: Her bf apologized to me and it was actually really sincere and it meant a lot to me. I'm currently filling out job applications so I can be out of here soon, However, my mom is still trying to justify it. She honestly is trying to convince me that this is my fault and I'm doing the wrong thing by standing up for myself. She doesn't seem to realize that once I'm gone, I'm gone. She's effed up too much of my life for her to act like she wants a relationship now that I'm almost gone.

I dunno, I feel good right now to have a plan and to be more independent, it's just scary territory. It's been triggering panic attacks almost daily, but on the whole, I am hopeful.

Lol, my brain is a jumbly mess xP