Hi,
haven't posted for a long long time but i've been struggling quite a bit lately and one thing i do know is that you lot here are amazing at helping someone out when they're in need of it..
okay well... i'm a 3rd year psychology student and i'll be graduating in july (if i pass) and being let out into the big wide world of work where i'll hopefully begin my career... thing is because of my self-harm, ED, substance abuse, BPD, OCD and all the other stupid shit shrinks have thrown onto me i've gotten into a lot of trouble since starting uni in 2009. I've been sectioned by the police, arrested several times and i have 2 cautions on my record, i've been sectioned by the crisis team aswell and had a handful of hospital admissions... but,, one thing i do see to have under control atm is my ED and self-harm... for now anyway... i haven't self harmed in just over 14 months now but the urge is getting so bad that the self-harm thoughts have turned into suicide ideas... i know why this is,, because when i graduate who will hire someone with mental health issues that are still issues to help others with the same difficulty?!?! and i'm not even going to start with the cautions on my police record... i'm just confused and stuck and idk... if i cnt get a job what am i going to do?? i can't have treatment because again who will hire someone who needs the treatment themselves?!?!
anyway basically what im struggling with is the thought that... have i just wasted/ruined 3 years of my life trying to get a degree that i won't be able to practice in?!?! what's the point?!?! no point in me carrying on with the degree if no-one will hire me,, not just for a psych job either,, no-one will hire me with a record!!
Fuck man i just don't know what to do... all that's going through my mind,, or should i say screaming inside my head is "Kill Yourself!!... End it All!!"... the only reason i haven't done anything so far is because of my girlfriend L... she's amazing and i couldn't bare the thought of leaving her all alone...
