Ok so I need some advice as I'm not sure what I should do. If i ask my parents they'd say no meds and my therapist would say try meds again. To me I feel like I am in a tug of war with this. I'm not doing good at all. I am super depressed at the moment and waking up to do the normal daily tasks is hard. I try to keep it undercover from my mom so she doesn't worry and question me to death.
This is the thing though. I have tried med after med. the list is literally as long as a baseball field. The side effects tend to out weigh the benefits of the meds.
Me myself am torn as to what I should do. I feel like I need to try meds again just because its so hard for me to function like this with suicidal thoughts and urges to want to hurt myself. However, I dread it because I'm scared of the possible side effects as I've been through this before. I'm scared and unsure.
First it was a diagnoses of depression then bipolar 2 then borderline personality disorder. I need advice anything would be great as I'm so unsure. Thanks a head of time.
Hmmm...what kind of side effects did you have, and what meds did you try? Did any of them help at all? I know it took me a while to find the right combination of meds for me, but I didn't really have a lot of side effects--it was more that none of them worked. Are you seeing a psychiatrist who you feel confident in? Because if not, then I would make getting one your priority. There's also new meds coming out all the time, and the newer meds tend to have fewer side effects. Finally, getting your diagnosis nailed down would help you find the right med. Borderline personality disorder doesn't respond to meds much, but depression and bipolar do. But meds that help depression can actually make bipolar worse...You might also have to decide if you're willing to live with some side effects if they mean that you're not so depressed. Obviously, some side effects are easier to live with than others. What I ended up doing was basically going into a psych hospital for 2 weeks so doctors could get my basic meds figured out, then my psychiatrist fine-tuned them from there.
As a random thought, if you do have borderline personality disorder, then try to get DBT. If your therapist doesn't know DBT, then there are self-help workbooks you can use...DBT's good for depression, too, but it's a lifesaver for BPD.
I hope some of that helps, I can relate to the pain of finding the right meds! *hugs*
sorry for not posting again till now. I've been pretty down and haven't done much. I've tried everything from prozac to seroquel. The list would be so so long. I'm not exaggerating either. I had tried so many things the last time I was in the hospital for suicidal ideation they did ECT. I will never ever do that again and it obviously didn't work very well either. my therapist wanted me to make an appointment with my psychiatrist so I did. However, my therapist said he'd come with me. I'm not liking the whole idea but at this point I really don't know what else to do and I can't keep doing this. I've tried DBT with my current therapist which for some reason we stopped and I still have the self help book thing as well. There is no real DBT support group near me and at this point I think that would be the most benefit for me to get motivated to even do it. I barely take care of myself. Last time I was in the hospital for 10 days I took 2 showers and never washed my hair. Yea that is just gross. I'm struggling. I feel like I've come to the end of the road.
How long we're you on each medication? Some medications have bad side effects for a few week/months but they wear off.
I guess you could try them for a little longer.
Are you in therapy?
If not it would be good for you to build up some good coping skills then you will be able to manage you symptoms on a low dose of meds xx
some of them I was on for months. I think it was depakote I took for months 3+ months and my stomach started hurting me so bad I actually went to a specialist and they couldn't find anything wrong. I stopped the med and it went away a week later. One other med I was on I wasn't on it very long because my legs were COVERED in bruises. I am in CBT right now. I did schedule an appointment but I keep telling myself that doesn't mean I have to take meds. Its more for me and my therapist to see what my psychiatrist would say. My therapist is pushing meds but me I'm really not sure about it right now.
Sounds like you really have been through it all. I would say going to the app and maybe trying meds again might be a good idea if you are feeling so bad right now but make sure they are mointering you. I share your pain with depakote. Its a really awful drug, I was either throwing up or sleeping the full 2 months I took it. Been moved onto quetiapine now which works for me but I seen here that you already tried that. What problems did you have with that if you don't mind me asking? I get really sleepy when I take it in the morning but find if I keep active for an hour after taking it then I'm ok.
I used to long for broken bones
I used to long for a casket to call my own.
my internet acces isn't very consistant so I apoligise if it takes me a while to reply to anyone
I loved the seroquel because I could sleep at night. I was told from someone that I knew to not take it in the morning no matter what my doctor said because it would knock you out. And trust me it did just that. I took it mainly for that reason...I never had any really bad side effect from it except I slept which I didn't complain about. Maybe I'll talk to my doctor about that...sleeping is not my big issue now but when that side effect wore off I just stopped taking it. I honestly can't remember why. My memory has really been shot sense the ECT. Details is a really hard thing for me. My doctor should have it written down right? Well I'm glad you found something you are tolerating and yes the sleepy side effect will fade. I was on it twice I think the first time it took about a month or two.
thanks everyone for your replies I'm not freaking out as much now. Thanks!
Syrup- I read some of your other posts and I hope you are hanging in there.
I realized this tonight but when I am reading others posts and stuff I realize how unclear and tangled my thinking is. It is so hard for me to sit down and make things make sense. I'm all over the place. Right now I have no reason to cry I just am. I guess it's because I'm frustrated and stressed. Worrying about how I might finish school and still be able to pay for things without becoming to stressed about that. I really just want to give up at this point. I don't even know if I can hold on anymore.
I think you need to make your feelings known to your doctor asap.
I know it's not much concellation but you've got some support here, at least people you can talk to who know how it is, how these feelings can affect you and before you know it you're snowballed under feeling like life won't ever change. I can relate to a huge amount of what you've written.
Relevant experiences/opinions:
- Although you've been on so many - do you think there's one medication that stood out that helped you a little bit that you could try again, e.g. different doses, different forms of release tablets (extended perhaps).
- I once went back to a medication I'd previously been on (ok, I've done this about 3 times) that helped my mood very noticably and also gave me unwanted extreme sedation. When looking back you may be able to look at the greater good. Despite a side effect, you could persevere just so you're able to have a more stable mood. Saying that if you're anything like me which sounds like you've tried tonnes of things also, it's pretty easy to forget how things really made you feel.
- Remain as open-minded as you can about medication. I too have been very scared by medication experiences that've resulted in hospital visits and usage of valium to calm effects. I know this is extremely difficult.
- Have hope that your psychiatrist could prescribe you a new medication - it's remarkably better than a stab in the dark prescription (most of the time) like one from a GP.
- If your parents aren't quite understanding enough to release you may well need a medication to function on a comfortable level then you shouldn't feel bad, it's just that they may not understand. I'm sure they want the best for you.
Everything passes, everything changes. Just do what you think you should do.
its really really hard for me to remember most of what I have even tried. I know some of them I will NEVER take again. However, there are some I would maybe willing to try again...different dose or form or something. Sense I haven't been on meds at all for the last 4 months the urge to SH has increased significantly. I've not given in much but its now there just about 24 hours a day, even sleeping. Theres no escape. Thank you overcome for replying. I will let my doctor know. I see my psychologist friday and I have made an appointment to see my psychiatrist on the 17th. It just feels so far away from now and I'm scared about the cost of my appts and the cost of the meds.
I've found certain urges can be more noticable when you're off meds or even on a significantly lower dosage. It's good you're open-minded enough to try meds again, you're being smart though as well, there's clearly no need to try something that's done nothing but give you problems - I mean, like you need that on top of everything to worry about/deal with. Your psychiatrist in particular would most likely be the one to give you a much more specific idea of a medication that could be helpful, I'm sure they can check your records to see what you have already taken. You're welcome though, I know you must be going through real hell right now. Even though you've got the cost worries try to remain as positive as you can and realise that the help of these doctors could make life more bearable with methods of help put into play. Keep the faith, they're here to help you, you're making a huge positive step just seeing them.
Everything passes, everything changes. Just do what you think you should do.
Sorry for not replying sooner. I agree that queitapine is really bad for knocking you out in the morning. I have found a way around it as I mentined which is to be up and busy when I take it but you still feel a bit sluggish and its annoying because I can't just chill in the mornings even at the weekend lol.
I know it seems like a long time till the 17th but hang in there and if you need to would you be able to call them and say you really need to see someone sooner?
best of luck with everything
I used to long for broken bones
I used to long for a casket to call my own.
my internet acces isn't very consistant so I apoligise if it takes me a while to reply to anyone
I guess I could always call back to see if someone has canceled but my therapist was going to meet me there for the appt so I feel like I have to keep the one I have which was the soonest one they had. I wish though. 2 weeks just 2 weeks...I've made it this far. Thanks everyone for the support
overcome- yes I would agree with noticing the dosage amounts and so on how they effect you greatly even with something so small.
I have gone back to having doubts. I'm scared. I really don't want to go to that appointment tuesday. I'm starting to freak out. I just don't think I can do this.
I know it can be common to dread appointments like that and think they're not worth it. That being said, I know it's difficult but you've got to try and be as optimistic as you can about it and realise that just going along is a big positive step. Then from there you'll be able to see what the doctor can do to try and help you. Make sure you go, you've got nothing to lose just from going and trying. They're there to help you.
Everything passes, everything changes. Just do what you think you should do.
Have you considered trying something like st johns wort which is a herbal anti depressant?
It doesn't have side affects as such but can interact with certain medications such as anything serotonin based and the contraceptive pill (so check with your doctor first.)
Just thought this might be worth a try if you've had bad side effects from others :)
Sorry I know I posted and haven't been back in a while...classes started this past week and yea very interesting. I did go to the appointment but my psychologist called about 45 minutes before my scheduled appointment to tell me he wasn't going to be able to make it. So without the 24 hour time to cancel the appointment I was forced to go or I'd be faced with the fee. I was in the city on the corner of the street trying to get back to my car and I suddenly found myself having a panic attack so I guess you could call it. Suddenly I didn't know which way to go or whether or not I could even cross the street and everything was suddenly too loud and busy around me I just started shutting down. I started crying and I couldn't catch my breath. I finally got focused enough to get to my car and made it to the appointment. The doctor told me he really couldn't do much more for me. I was just devastated. I feel like everyone has given up on me.
Angle2fire--I have actually tried herbal things once and it was suggested by one of the psychiatrist I have seen.
I have actually scheduled to see someone on campus this coming up week just because I feel like I need someone else's view point on this whole thing.
I just get kinda scared of myself. I'm scared with all the thoughts and feelings running through my head that one day I will end up doing something I can't stop myself from doing. I get into this state of mind where its like I'm looking at myself and no matter what is going on around me I can't do anything or stop anything. Its like I lose control of everything. So I'm just scared. I just really want someone to understand me.
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