Mum24 - I know you don't have words right now, but if you need to talk I'm here honey. I want to support you through this <3 Remember we're in it together? Yeah? Charmed - Hey honey. I'm kind of okay. Today went pretty well I think but my brain feels a bit mashed and my OCD thoughts are intruding again. Katy - It doesn't mean they don't care; or they want you to do it. In the end they can only do so much. Is there anyone in your care team you can voice these concerns to? So they know where your head is at the moment?
x Katie x
Not until I next see them, and god alone knows when that will be as i can't make the appointment they set for me, waiting for them to get back in touch with me and i dont know when that will be seen as they are now shut until next tuesday
Katy - I'm sorry you can't make the appointment. Is that because of work? Can you call them again on Tuesday to try to chase them up if they haven't written or got in contact with you by then?
x Katie x
paper-wings - why do you feel like you won't make it? Have you got support around you? Katy - I know it's hard honey, but it will be worth it in the end if they help you. We're all here to support you through this <3
x Katie x
Katie, im glad today went okay for you :) How are you feeling now? Are the thoughts still there? Is there anything that helps them go?
Katy, I can't say much more than what Katie said but you will get there in the end and it will all be worth it, are there any emergency support places you can call?
Paper wings, is there anyone around to help at the moment? You can make it, I believe in you <3
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
Charmed - sorry I don't know your name; I'm...sort of okay. I feel oddly weak and vulnerable but kind of better I think. The OCD thoughts are still strong and unfortunately so are the suicidal thoughts. I held them off by my last attempt but they're coming back. I'm not sure they're not usually this strong - or they haven't been in years. I feel like I'm losing the coping mechanism to handle them all.
x Katie x
Katie, its Hannah by the way :) Im glad you feel a little better, why do you feel weak and vulnerable? Is your brother still there for you to talk to him? Im sorry that both thoughts are strong at the moment :( Do you know why they are so strong now and havent been in the past? Why do you feel like you are losing the method? Can you talk to anyone at the moment about how you are feeling?
Stay strong, we are here for you *hugs*
Edit: sorry i asked loads of questions!
Last edited by Charmed : 31-12-2011 at 12:45 AM.
Reason: Edit
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
Dying is starting to look preferable. I'm due to return to work next week after 2 months off. I'm only returning because if I don't my employer will fire me. My doctor doesn't think I'm ready to go back, neither do the crisis team, neither do i! But I don't feel like I have a choice. I'm seriously considering suicide as a my only option :(
"I may be laying in the gutter but I'm staring up at the stars"
Hannah - it's okay to ask questions. I'm not sure; I think opening up to anyone makes me feel weaker and vulnerable...but it's usually only temporary so I'm hoping it is this time. My brother had to drive back home but he said he's always there for me anyway so hopefully it's going to mean a little more support. I don't know why all the thoughts are strong. Possibly due to lack of sleep, or anxiety or everything. The OCD thoughts had lessened after my therapy a few years ago - I thought I was getting better at dealing with it but it's getting the same again. I need to talk to my psych and CPN about it; I have a GP appointment on Tuesday so I'll try to at least mention it there because it's starting to affect my life again. I don't feel like I have the words to talk to people any more. I just feel exhausted and weak.
muchlove - I'm sorry things are hard right now. I know how scary it is with the prospect of returning to work; I'm entering into my seventeenth week signed off and I panic when I think about going back. Have you got a union or anything you can speak to; if you've been signed off sick by doctors/mental health team it might come under the equality act so they can't sack you. Suicide is not your only option honey. You do have a choice whether you return or not; if you don't feel like you're ready to handle it could you talk to your HR department to ask what you options are?
Sorry I disappeared for about a week or so after my one post in this board, I hope nobody worried. I just had a really sudden depression relaspe, and it was so intense and quick and no warning that I felt suicidal. I didn't think even at that moment that I was going to do anything (perhaps self harm), but I was scared of the sudden suicidal thoughts and just wanted somewhere to talk. I do think I'm doing better now, though I don't know WHY that happened. I guess I didn't want my mom to hate me, because I've been less then motivated at ANYTHING lately. But I'm trying to push myself back up.
But these are flowers that fly and all but sing: And now from having ridden out desire They lie closed over in the wind and cling Where wheels have freshly sliced the April mire. Robert Frost, "Blue-Butterfly Day"
How can I stop this feeling? Drugs, they keep giving me drugs but it isn't helping. I feel like downing a bottle of bleach. I wont though. I'll sit here thinking. Wishing the world to end.
Katie, sorry i didn't reply last night. How are you feeling today? Keep fighting, just think of where you will get in the end <3 its worth it, im sure of it. I hope you brother can provide more support for you, can you ring him when you are feeling low? I hope your GP appointment goes well, hopefully they can get you back on therapy so the thoughts can be lessened again :) Sorry i don't have much more words, but we are here for you *hugs*
ebec11, Im glad you are feeling better now, are the thoughts still there? Is there anyone around for support when you are feeling like this? Your mum won't hate you, she loves you and just wants you to be happy. Keep fighting *hugs*
88girl, how are you feeling now? Is there anyone you can talk to? Anyone around for support? Can you talk to those giving you your meds about how they arent working? Sometimes they just need time to start working, try and give you a chance. Please don't do anything, we are all here for you, your not alone. Keep fighting <3
Its been a year since my Nan died today/tomorrow...i found out tomorrow but it was late tonight.... i dont know how i feel. I mostly feel guilty for going out, for not being there, and for being here at all.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
