:( i allways feel suicidal lately, like i just genuinely have nothing worth living for or any one who wants me around... i feel more lonely and left out than even..
today give a stranger one of your smiles. it might be the only sunshine they see all day
if only his mind where as easy to fix as his body. we are all born MAD some remain so
Mum24- I'm glad your 'ok' even though it doesn't sound all that convincing. How is work? How is the support your getting hun? Hows your husband? huggles.
Katie- I'm so sorry your struggling at the moment honey. Keep your chin up. Grab any support you can get hold of honey, we need to keep you safe.
lost-voice & muchlove- Sorry your both struggling so much atm. Please stay safe and ask for help if you need it.
Don't even feel like I can show my face in here anymore. Don't deserve it.
I don't have many words right now, not all that great. But I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you all.
Hugs to all xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
I'm so sick of being alone. I know I originally planned for January 1st, 2013 to be my deadline but I think I'm gonna end my life sooner than that. 24 years of this is enough. I can't stand being unloved anymore. I can't stand being a failure anymore. I just wish I could write a good enough note to help people understand why I must remove myself from this earth. I don't think anyone will ever understand me in life or death.
Then again, there's another part of me that's afraid to die. I just want the pain to end! I really wish it didn't have to be this way... :*(
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Captain B2 you said it exactly the way I feel it. I don't want to die, I just want the pain to end. I'm afraid to die too. What if dying is worse than living? What if it's no relief at all? What if it's awful? What if I go to hell?
I understand your pain. I understand your desperation for a solution to the pain and loneliness. You sound very sad and very deeply hurting. I'm sooo sorry... that sucks so much. I don't think anyone would ever understand why you had to remove yourself from this world because they'll have wanted you to keep living. They'd be in so much pain over your death. There is another way. Are you talking to anyone about this stuff? Is there anyone you can share with? I'm very concerned about you and have been wondering about you since your last post. Please don't set a date. You need to get some help and support. Who can you call? One person? Even if you don't know if they'll understand?
No one even knows anything is wrong. I haven't told anyone. I don't know who I can trust...
Plus, I don't know how to explain. My problem is just pure self-loathing. I, honest to God, just cannot live with myself.
Last edited by CaptainB2 : 12-12-2011 at 01:22 AM.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
I know it's hard. You've explained yourself really well here. Can you copy and print off what you've written here on the boards? And I think maybe just pick the best person you can think of and go for it, and if they don't respond helpfully, try again with the next best person. Can you start with your doctor? They have to remain confidential. And they have knowledge of these types of situations. I know it's hard to trust. Especially if you've been hurt before. But this is too important to let go. You can't die. That is not an option. Say it to yourself, that is not an option, and then just say what they hey and go for it. Tell someone. Let them read it, whatever. As long as you can start getting some support. Don't continue alone. It's too hard and too painful. People really do care. What do you think?
I'm sorry that I keep posting in here. I really can't take this anymore. I hate everything about myself. The one thing I had control over is slipping away. There's nothing I enjoy, nothing that even temporarily takes the pain away. My medication no longer works. It's completely unbearable. I've written a letter to my family. I'm pretty much decided on how I'm going to do it. I want help but there is nothing that can help me anymore.
[REPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk if you're Scottish!]
I'm sorry for my "deadline" post earlier. I really don't know why post such things sometimes and risk worry for others:(. I am just SOOO alone right now and it consumes me. Being single honestly bothers me that much. Sometimes I honestly feel like an incomplete person missing my other half.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Everything's just so hard now... I don't understand.
I feel so alone, and I don't have the motivation and/or energy to do anything anymore. I can't even bring myself to "smile" anymore.
I thought things were getting better, but I'm just so hopeless.
"There's an old Earth saying, Captain. A phrase of such great power and wisdom and consolation to the soul in times of need."
"And what's that?"
@Mum24 Thank you so much for caring. I feel better today, although I have to concentrate hard not to let the depressing thoughts take control. By the end of the year I will have moved out of my mum's house and (hopefully) have proper health insurance, then I can start searching for a therapist. Can't wait... On the other side, I've been living with depression for such a long time, I am somehow afraid to let it go...
But anyway, how are you feeling, how is your job?
@lost-voice Do you have anybody to talk to? I know that it often seems like there's nothing that makes life worth living, but there always is. It is just hard to push the heavy curtain of depression away to get a clearer view.
@CaptainB2 I so can relate to feeling unbelievably alone. There was a long time in which I had no one to talk to, and just the inability to talk to someone, even about unimportant things, often hurt almost physically. Keep talking to us. If you haven't told anybody yet, it is at least worth a shot to go see a doctor about it, don't you think so? Let somebody help you. If you struggle with talking about yourself, make notes or print what you wrote here, like Mum24 said.
@pointless Please don't give up. You said a couple of days ago that your next appointment is in two weeks, so please hold on until then! You are worth it.
@yaraalsakka It is hard when even the smallest task seems to require more energy than you have, I know this. Do you talk to someone?
An indefinable yearning, possibly for something he once knew and then lost or for something he never knew and has always been searching for.
first time in a few weeks that i feel this way.
And because i had been free, its all the worse, more painful.
hell i doubt I'd do it but the longing is there today.
long road- Hey hun, its been a while since we spoke, I doubt you remember me. Just wanted to say that its great you haven't been feeling this way in a while. I'm sorry that the thoughts have come again. I know its hard when you have been free of them.
Its always worth talking to someone about the longing feeling. Its often caused by something- whether it be to be free from your pain, to find peace, to escape something etc. It might help to find out what it is you long for. Because death in itself isn't all that appealing unless it has an objective.
Take care hun, were all here if you want to get anything off your chest.
Katie!- How are you sweetie?
Hugs to all who would like one or many :) xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
I'm very glad your still here sweetie. So glad.
Are you finding it any easier to function (I remember you mentioned about not really being able to get up etc), are things any easier?
Have you managed to tell someone how bad your feeling?
I'm not too great at the min tbh, but hate even the thought of making people worry, so I just keep my thoughts and plans to myself.
Cuddles up tight xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Captain B2. I know the feeling. I used to feel that way when I was single. I'm so sorry you are hurting. Now I'm married and hurting. It's hard... life. I pray you find your hearts desire soon. But I'm also concerned about you. You have nothing to apologize for. Please don't think that. I just hope that you will be ok and give life time to make your dreams come true. They can't come true if you're dead. How are you feeling now? Still suicidal? It's ok. Be honest. We're here for you.
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
