Fighting the will everyday

cs10228 · 28-11-2011, 06:23 PM

Hi im new to the forum and would like to share my story. I am 25 and have been battling depression and major depression since i was 15. I have no confidence at all and have no friends. I feel like everyone hates me. I also suffer from body dysmorphic disorder and im a guy. I think i am so ugly and have no confidence when it comes to girls. My depression takes me to my lowest low. Many days i do think about taking my own life( im not threating suicide). Im still here from the grace of God after a couple of attempts. I just think life is dark and meaningless. I have no one. I feel like things wont get better. People wonder why i have all these problems. I am a miserable person and people see it. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me.

Just had to get that off my chest.

Isoverity · 28-11-2011, 08:56 PM

There's light - you can't see it because your fixated to a morbid state. A reason for that is getting angry with yourself and people. Being angry is negative even if it seems justified. The angrier you get and the longer you stay that way the worse things get. A lot of people's depression is just rage turned inward on themselves. if any of that^ makes sense I have an article about being upset linked in my profile that explains how your mind can change if you learn how your feelings work against you and how to prevent that.

Katniss · 28-11-2011, 10:26 PM

I'm so sorry that your going through this, know that there is a light there, things can get better, though it may not feel like it right now, they can and I'm sure people don't hate you. Know that your life is worth living, like everyones is and its just as important and worth it as anyone elses is. I hope that things will get better for you.

PassedExpectations · 29-11-2011, 09:20 PM

have you ever had any treatment for your depression, and if yes, has any ever been effective? try to keep using anything that you learned to help yourself.

if you haven't tried treatment, is there any way you could access some to try? you've been suffering a long time, and its easier to get out if you have help.

cs10228 · 30-11-2011, 10:04 PM

I am currently on effexor (or however you spell it). Been steady on it for a year now. Im on 75mg right now and my physc thinks i should up my dose. This medication seems to just make me feel like a zombie. I have been going to doctors and shrinks on and off since i was 15 but none of them seem to help because i am at the same position if not worst than 10 years ago. I strangely enough took accutane when i was 15 which is when it started. Dont know if that has anything to do with my mindset but i definitely throw it in the bucket of possibilities.

lilmissjay · 30-11-2011, 10:20 PM

Does your doctors know about how this medication is making you feel and about your thoughts on the medicine you took when you were 15? They could always switch you off of this medicine and put you on something completely different or add something to this. There are so many combinations that you could try. And if you think that these doctors aren't helping you any then you could also try and find new ones.