Well done on fighting the urges Carrie. Taking PRN seems like a good idea. Do you have night meds as well? What are you upto now?
I hope the TC goes well tomorrow Laura. What is the duty member role? Is that similar to the role you had to do for a few weeks recently?
Thanks for the advice about uni. I text one of my uni supporters and asked what she thought (although obviously leaving out details and any mention of harm etc) and she said to go even though I have not done the reading. I just feel like a failure and I'm resenting uni because it is interfering with my harming urges, even though I did/do actually want to do uni. It is just confusing! Might take some PRN in a bit.
Started self-harming again, after seven months. Don't know what to do :( I see an early intervention in psychosis team because my primary diagnosis is schizophrenia, but I have BPD too...I feel like my psychiatrist isn't that understanding about personality disorders, and that I'll get no help if I tell them how I feel because it's not psychosis, so it's out of their remit...
I've been the perfect patient for the last seven months, no hospital, no self harm, no MHA assessments...now I'm going to let them all down & I don't know what to do.
So many care co-ordinators have refused to work with me because i'm 'difficult', i don't want to be that again. I need to talk to my cpn but she's not in for a few days, and I'm worried when I do see her she'll dismiss my problems :(
Thank you Emma :) it was Chair I was doing a few weeks ago (chairing the community meetings and some other meetings). Duty member is where you go and look after people if they walk out of groups and try and get them to come in again/phone people who are off that day and see if they are okay and try and get them to come back/chairing the prep. group (dreading!)/generally looking after people who are about to walk out of the building when struggling/chairing the rare emergency meetings. Lots of responsibility. But will hopefully be relatively okay.
I imagine university must be very stressful anyway, not to mention when you're struggling so much. Don't beat yourself up for resenting it, and well done for speaking to Uni support. PRN might be a good idea to get some rest.
Sunshine, I'm sorry to hear you've started self-harming again. Could you ask EIP to refer you for some therapy to deal with the BPD aspect? Treating the schizophrenia is important but BPD is a difficult illness to cope with as well. It's horrible telling professionals things have got worse when you've been fairly well for a while, I know. But they are trained to deal with difficult issues, and should as that's what they're paid for, so please try and talk to them.
Sunshine, I can't really add to what Laura and Mari have said but I agree with both of them. It is hard but you need support for this as well and what is more, you deserve that support.
Wow Laura, that sounds like quite a responsibility. It sounds interesting though and hopefully you will have the support of staff etc yourself too? I think you are upto it though, and obviously they to do otherwise they would not have trusted you with it. Your posts on here show that you have the skills and ability to be inciteful and help others, even when struggling. Could you maybe try and see it as an extension of supporting people on here? I know 'in real life' is different but the people you help on here are 'real' people too, and trust me, you have and continue to make a difference and help us. Try not to get too overwhelmed by it, easier said than done I know but I honestly believe you can do it x
Thanks for the reply as well, not taken any PRN yet but will try if things don't pick up in an hour or so.
I know the EIP will just tell me to start seeing their psychologist again if I tell them, and as much as he's a great guy he literally drains every last bit of life from me. And I know he'll be like the cat that got the cream when I come crawling back, because that's exactly what he said would happen if I stopped seeing him.
As hard as it is to believe I don't think he will feel like the cat who got the cream, though I always think the same when it's my own situation! I'm sure he wished you well and even though predicted you would be back, deep down I would think that he really wishes you didn't have to. I know psychology is incredibly draining but it could be the key to your therapy. You will have support. Could you give it some thought?
I've got a manic day ahead. Quite pleased though because hoping some things will get sorted!
Just spoken to my social worker about funding for my ECDL and she has checked and I still have some SDS budget left so she is going to 'phone the various people today to see whether it can be funded for me. Fingers crossed that I get a prompt reply. In the meantime, I am going to go ahead with studying the modules.
Not got much planned for today. Maybe have a bit of a chill out day today. Got my first pre-treatment dbt tomorrow.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I hope you can get the funding for the ECDL and you hear soon. Good idea to get started on the modules. I'm just downloading some podcasts on itunes for various educational things. I don't know how useful they will be but I thought I would give it a go! If nothing else it will give me something to listen to at bedtime.
Er, I've gone a bit mad on the podcasts! So far I am downloading learning German (just a touch up), mental health, nutrition, psychology, healthcare but most importantly - relaxation and meditation. That will probably be most useful for me!
Relaxation and meditation sounds good. Have you tried them out yet? Are they free ones or ones you have to pay for as I could do with some good guided relaxation podcasts.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I've just spoken to my social worker and she is going to put in an amended request for SDS to get my ECLD paid. Assuming it goes through, I'll get the lump sum for the test fees and reg fee on 19 Dec. A bit of a wait but fingers crossed it goes through.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
So far all the ones I've got are free. I tried one last night - I think it was the meditation guide from Australia. If you type in relaxtion/meditation to itunes store it brings them all up. They have specific podcasts for things as well like sleep, guilt, fear etc. Anyway I found it quite relaxing. I think it will take me practise but it seems workable. I hope you find one that suits you :)
I've just spoken to my social worker and she is going to put in an amended request for SDS to get my ECLD paid. Assuming it goes through, I'll get the lump sum for the test fees and reg fee on 19 Dec. A bit of a wait but fingers crossed it goes through.
