I have been feeling like I want to cut a lot tonight. I haven't even barely been close in about a year (I'm 30 by the way) but lately I cannot get it off my mind. The irony is that my life is going pretty well now. I like my job, have a great relationship and have been off medication for a few months now and have been fine. I just do not understand. I am scared and do not want to make an impulsive decision and lose everything I have worked for.
Side note: my boyfriend is aware of my past (I am open about it and have visible scars) but we do not talk about it much and I do not know how he would feel if I told him I was triggered and what that meant.
Last edited by random.swirls : 19-10-2011 at 11:01 PM.
Reason: removing trigger label please see thread in f & cq
"Whenever someone sorrows, I do not say, "forget it," or "it will pass," or "it could be worse" -- all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience. But I say, to the contrary, "It is worse than you may allow yourself to think. Delve into the depth. Stay with the feeling. Think of it as a precious source of knowledge and guidance. Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process."
"Whenever someone sorrows, I do not say, "forget it," or "it will pass," or "it could be worse" -- all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience. But I say, to the contrary, "It is worse than you may allow yourself to think. Delve into the depth. Stay with the feeling. Think of it as a precious source of knowledge and guidance. Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process."
It sounds good that you've got some things going for you, with your job and boyfriend. Though I'm sure that doesn't necessarily have to equate to happiness. Can you think of anything that could have triggered the urges to cut? It's good you know that you don't want to act on impulse, and want to think things through before doing any harm to yourself.
Are there any ways you could distract yourself? And it might be difficult, but, do you think it would help at all to talk to your boyfriend? Perhaps he would understand a bit and try to help you through.
Hope you're doing alright. It's good you've gone a year without feeling triggered like this :) *hugs* Keep safe
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
its normal to go through low periods. everyone does that at points and if you feel back to normal quickly it isn't something to worry about. if its lasted for a while though, can you talk with your doctor? its possible that a low dose of meds may be the best way to keep you feeling capable and happy...
sometimes low feelings are caused by how we're talking to ourselves in our heads... being really harsh on oneself takes a big toll. so does getting caught up in mind traps like thinking in black and white terms, making everything personal, or catastrophizing.... (i can give you a list of all of them or google search cognitive distortions...) i find that when i get back in control of those i feel alot happier and more positive...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
How you are thinking can definitely have an effect. Try paying more attentio. To what you are thinking and when you find yourself thinking things that make you feel bad trace where they came from. It might be possible to try and think in a different way next time
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
Some of life's mysteries will never be solved, such as why, after spending an entire evening listenong to Bach, do I find myself humming "the birdie song".......
I am reaching, but i fall, and the stars are black and cold, as i stare into the void of a world that cannot hold- les miserables
Thank you guys for the help! I think I have definitely not been putting enough effort into controlling my thoughts. I have noticed myself becoming very irritable this week.
"Whenever someone sorrows, I do not say, "forget it," or "it will pass," or "it could be worse" -- all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience. But I say, to the contrary, "It is worse than you may allow yourself to think. Delve into the depth. Stay with the feeling. Think of it as a precious source of knowledge and guidance. Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process."
