Began to self-harm again

iamasolublefish · 15-10-2011, 05:35 AM

So I'm new here and it would be great to get some support because no one really knows that I hurt myself and even though I know people who cut themselves, because mine is different, they don't really see the connection so I thought I might see if anyone here can. I used to cut in high school, but it wasn't enough so I started hurting myself a lot more through sports and sports injuries (dislocating my joints, broken bones, etc.). I hadn't done it in years but then started going through hard times a year ago and have had a major surgery as a result of this and have another one on Tuesday because I just can't seem to stop. No one knows why I keep "getting hurt," they just think its a result of my being an athlete, and no one puts two and two together. I don't always do it on purpose, sometimes I just start thinking about things in my life that aren't going well and I realize that I've hurt myself or dislocated something, but I really want to stop and just don't know how.

Retrosimplicity · 15-10-2011, 06:05 AM

Any time you try to cause yourself pain on purpose for personal pleasure or relief, you're self injuring. Bone breaking does happen, but the problem is, not a lot of people have such a high pain tolerance. So they don't result to things like that, but it does happen. Everyone self injures in different ways. I scratch my gums with my finger nails. I've done it since I was seven, and unntil the internet thought I was the only one. So, you're not alone, but it's self injury, and I see the connection completely.Do you know why you started doing it?

iamasolublefish · 15-10-2011, 06:13 AM

It started when I was 14 because I had a lot of problems with my family and abuse from my father. It had stopped for about two years (Sept 2008 - Sept 2010) but then my relationship imploded and I came home so my father started abusing me again. Right now, I just am so alone that it seems like the only thing that helps or at least distracts.

Heaven Knows · 15-10-2011, 02:52 PM

Hi there, firstly, welcome to RYL. I hope you find the support you're looking for here.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much, and about the abuse you have been suffering.
I think it's great that you've made the choice that you want to stop. Can I ask, have you thought about seeing a professional about this? Your GP or anything?
It sounds like sometimes you may need someone who's around when you're doing some form of sport to make you aware of what you're doing? A friend of mine used to sort of 'zone out' during rugby matches and he'd come to again having done something to hurt himself - run in the way of another player or drive into a group of players even though he was told to stay out of it as best he could because his shoulder would dislocate. He told his coach about this and when his coach noticed he was 'zoned out' he'd try to bring his mind back to the game as best he could - dunno if that made any sense but I just wondered if there's any way this could be possible for you?
There is also a distractions section of the main site which you might find helpful. It can be useful when the urges hit.
Please remember that you're not alone in this, and we're all here to support you.
Take care of yourself.
x Katie x

Celticroots · 16-10-2011, 03:54 AM

Hi and welcome to RYL. I hope you find the help you need here :)

I agree with Retrosimplicity. Just because some methods are not as common doesn't mean that what you were doing isn't self-harm. Everyone self-harms differently. I cut but also hit myself with my fists until I bruise, or bite my fingers. You're not alone.