Contains bullying - Do I feel like this because of bullying?
I joined these forums on the 1st of May 2010. Or maybe the 5th of January. I don't know if this site uses DD/MM or MM/DD. But that's beside the point. I haven't logged in since then. I think it was that I forgot about it but now I remembered it and I guess I've been thinking a lot lately and I was wondering if people could give me some advice. Or even give me some thought. Anything would be appreciated.
I'm 20 now. And I'm pretty confident. I have good friends, I do well at Uni and I'm a generally happy person.
I don't remember a lot of my bullying. I think I was oblivious to it, to be honest. I was the smart kid in primary school. And from the age of about 9-12, I was bullied. I was pretty much hated by everyone in my year and I remember hating it but I never really spoke up about it. It didn't help that my brother had his own issues at home that was formed family tension for about eight years and, as a result, I basically shut down from the world and didn't try to make a lot of friends. It was only when I started Year 7 and moved to a new school that I actually started making friends and moving on and actually talking.
I've moved on. I'm not affected by it (I think). I generally do believe in myself. But there are times when I don't have a lot of self esteem. And I'm wondering - is it an aftermath from being bullied, or does everyone feel that way?
For example, if someone near me is whispering, I automatically assume for a split second that they are talking about me. I tend to sometime believe the worst in people. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve good things in my life - for example, a lot of people are planning trips after Uni finishes but I haven't and part of me is almost masochistically thinking that I don't deserve to go overseas. I sometimes can be a bit of a pushover and don't really stand up for myself. I'm best by myself - I do like going out and such, but I'm happiest when I'm alone.
I don't quite get it. For the most part, I'm a pretty happy person. I'm just your average 20-year-old. But I can't deny that there are times when I'm not the most confident person.
And, I don't know. Does everyone experience this? Or is it an aftermath of being bullied all those years ago?
PS. I think I used the right label for this thread. If not, or if I didn't need to, I'm sorry - I'm new to this!
hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
because a vision softly creeping
left its seeds while I was sleeping
and the vision that was planted in my brain
still remains within the sound of silence
Hey Bluelillies - Being bullied for that many years can have lasting affects on someone emotionally and physically. With you saying that you can be a bit of a pushover and don't really stand up for yourself is because you were bullied. In fact being happy when you are alone right there shows the affects of the trauma. Have you tried to talk to anyone about what happened to you from 9to12 years old? It will help you heal. See you have so much bottled up inside that you need to get out. You will feel better by talking. You can even write what happened down if you can't talk about it. That's just a suggestion but if you want to lead a better life not alone you might want to give this a try.
Stay strong hun!
If you ever need to talk or just want to vent my PM box is always open.
Libz (DriftedAway), Katie (Heaven Knows) and Sammy (StuckInReverse) are my daughters, Jo (On Edge) Savannah (#skittles#) and are my lil' sisters
I joined these forums on the 1st of May 2010. Or maybe the 5th of January. I don't know if this site uses DD/MM or MM/DD. But that's beside the point. I haven't logged in since then. I think it was that I forgot about it but now I remembered it and I guess I've been thinking a lot lately and I was wondering if people could give me some advice. Or even give me some thought. Anything would be appreciated.
DD/MM/YYYY FYI
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluelillies
I'm 20 now. And I'm pretty confident. I have good friends, I do well at Uni and I'm a generally happy person.
I don't remember a lot of my bullying. I think I was oblivious to it, to be honest. I was the smart kid in primary school. And from the age of about 9-12, I was bullied. I was pretty much hated by everyone in my year and I remember hating it but I never really spoke up about it. It didn't help that my brother had his own issues at home that was formed family tension for about eight years and, as a result, I basically shut down from the world and didn't try to make a lot of friends. It was only when I started Year 7 and moved to a new school that I actually started making friends and moving on and actually talking.
I'm sorry for what happened to you. I think us girls have it a little easier and worse at the same time when it come to bullying. It seems that most of the bullying toward us is emotional instead of physical. Glad you began to move on from it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluelillies
I've moved on. I'm not affected by it (I think). I generally do believe in myself. But there are times when I don't have a lot of self esteem. And I'm wondering - is it an aftermath from being bullied, or does everyone feel that way?
It makes sense that bullying will or can lead to a temporary to life long sense of diminished esteem. Sexual assault in some ways is also a form of bullying and it has huge affects on self-esteem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluelillies
For example, if someone near me is whispering, I automatically assume for a split second that they are talking about me. I tend to sometime believe the worst in people. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve good things in my life - for example, a lot of people are planning trips after Uni finishes but I haven't and part of me is almost masochistically thinking that I don't deserve to go overseas. I sometimes can be a bit of a pushover and don't really stand up for myself. I'm best by myself - I do like going out and such, but I'm happiest when I'm alone.
Trust and paranoia is very common from any type of assault. Let's face it, bullying is an assault. Being assaulted or bullied does give us a sense of being unworthy of good things. Often when we have lived a pattern of discomfort when around others we do seek the lonesome but safe comfort of solitude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluelillies
I don't quite get it. For the most part, I'm a pretty happy person. I'm just your average 20-year-old. But I can't deny that there are times when I'm not the most confident person.
And, I don't know. Does everyone experience this? Or is it an aftermath of being bullied all those years ago?
PS. I think I used the right label for this thread. If not, or if I didn't need to, I'm sorry - I'm new to this!
I feel that way now but I never was bullied in school. My reasons are a different kind of assault. Yes I think it can be as a result of being bullied.
Welcome back to the thread. I'm glad to meet you, but sorry for why you are here.
Hey Bluelillies - Being bullied for that many years can have lasting affects on someone emotionally and physically. With you saying that you can be a bit of a pushover and don't really stand up for yourself is because you were bullied. In fact being happy when you are alone right there shows the affects of the trauma. Have you tried to talk to anyone about what happened to you from 9to12 years old? It will help you heal. See you have so much bottled up inside that you need to get out. You will feel better by talking. You can even write what happened down if you can't talk about it. That's just a suggestion but if you want to lead a better life not alone you might want to give this a try.
Stay strong hun!
If you ever need to talk or just want to vent my PM box is always open.
I did once try to talk to my parents about it and they just said that I had a misunderstanding. They said that they knew the kids from my primary school and that they all came from good homes and that they would never have done anything with a bad intention. I get that maybe the intention may not have been bad but, well, kids can be cruel. Really cruel. And I guess after that, I never really bothered to try talking to them again. I suppose I probably should talk to someone about it but I'm not used to talking about this type of stuff. And it's always pushed down my list of priorities - I always forget that it happened, to be honest and I just... I guess I just never really took time out to resolve it.
Maybe I should try to talking to someone like a psychologist or something. I don't know. I know I should but it just seems... very strange to sit down and talk to someone about this. To be honest, I'm terrified that I will open my mouth and just burst into tears or something.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaimeIsBroken
I'm sorry for what happened to you. I think us girls have it a little easier and worse at the same time when it come to bullying. It seems that most of the bullying toward us is emotional instead of physical. Glad you began to move on from it.
It makes sense that bullying will or can lead to a temporary to life long sense of diminished esteem. Sexual assault in some ways is also a form of bullying and it has huge affects on self-esteem.
Trust and paranoia is very common from any type of assault. Let's face it, bullying is an assault. Being assaulted or bullied does give us a sense of being unworthy of good things. Often when we have lived a pattern of discomfort when around others we do seek the lonesome but safe comfort of solitude.
I feel that way now but I never was bullied in school. My reasons are a different kind of assault. Yes I think it can be as a result of being bullied.
Welcome back to the thread. I'm glad to meet you, but sorry for why you are here.
I never thought about the differences between emotional and physical bullying. But I guess you're right. That's definite food for thought.
I suppose that I do have trust issues and I understand that you're saying that they could quite possibly be linked to being bullied. That makes sense. I am sorry to hear about your assault, too - and I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I don't know what type of assault you went through but no type of assault can ever be pleasant. Nor is it ever deserved.
The both of you have been so helpful - thank you for sharing what you said with me. It really did help. It's just... it's nice to know that there are people out there who understand.
Hugs.
hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
because a vision softly creeping
left its seeds while I was sleeping
and the vision that was planted in my brain
still remains within the sound of silence
could certainly be a part of why you feel like this.
especially the assuming other people are talking about you and that you dont deserve good stuff.
i was bullied physically and emotionally from ages of 5- 16 and i know how much of impact any bullying can have. the other thing to add to that is you said it happened in primary school and when your younger 'traumatic events' such as bullying have a greater effect on you especially if you shut it out and dont deal with it at the time. after months of various therapy and counselling i'm only just remembering some of the things that happened to me clearly.
hope you can find way to deal with this. talking about is very difficult like i said took me a while to get to the specifics of what happened to me. one thing that can help is writing or drawing about experiences then if you want to explain whats bothering you you can show that to them.
yeah bullying has long term effect, for example i have really low confidence and its only just getting better, i was basically emotionless but its coming back now and i get what you mean about thinking everyone is talking about you i sometimes think that about my friends and i think it might have actually made me suffer from paranoia but its only temporary and things are getting better- sorry to be so depressing but i think its important to be honest with you....
Yes you are definitely suffering a hangover of bullying. I was the same... I always automatically assumed if someone was whispering it was about me.... everyone who laughed near me, had to be laughing at me. I too never used to make plans with anyone or ask to go anywhere with anyone as bullying destroys your self worth and you come to expect and accept that no one wants to do anything with you... no one cares if your there or not.
You develop a very skewed image of what people really think about you.
But do not fear. It gets better. I am 27 now and at 20 I was an emotional train wreck. The effects slowly but surely wear off and time heals. Confidence returns, and you start to learn how to be an effective social person. You even start learning to stand up for yourself a bit. You will probably never be as a person who was never bullied....
sometimes it takes a lot of digging to figure out why certain things about you are so... what led me here was wondering why, at 27 when I have loads of friends and loads of confidence... sing on stage and welcome criticism to make me a better artist, the other day someones off hand criticism of my washing up technique really hurt me and made me cry.........
I figured out I am hypersensitive and terrified of not being liked. So yes,it never goes away, but it gets buried deeper and deeper and almost forgotten :)
