If I were to accomplish the actions that are in my head, i would ruin 10 months of self injury free.
If I were to accomplish the actioins in my head I would lose my mind.
If I were to accomplish the actions in my head....I would hang my head in shame...
Online for 18 hours, i have viewed the ideas, tempted my mind, made a brave face for my children. I have respond positively to bullies that are teasing my daughter...issues from last school year... On facebook I have rallied for the hurt and shamed young lives whom I don't want in my position...
If i could only stop this torture.
I feel separated from yesterday...let it rain
Last edited by Rain Keeper : 19-09-2011 at 05:06 AM.
10 months is such a good accomplishment. I know it's hard, but you can do it! I made it two years once. but even a slip up... is only that... a slip up. Not the end of the world. Take it one minute at a time, and slow down. Think about your accomplishment and be proud! Think of how strong you have been to do that! lay down, close your eyes and breath. Breath and listen to your heartbeat. Listen and count. Count as long as you need to. once you have relaxed, focus on the muscles of your body and slowly tense and release each one individually, from head to toe. sink into gound beneath you and feel safe. imagine the sun warming your skin, or water flowing over you warm and gentle. Take the time to love yourself. Be proud of you. And relax.
You can do it. you are strong. We all are. and youre not alone.
I hope this helped. if not. feel free to PM me anythime.
xHUGSx
~I am an angel with broken wings...I cannot fly, only dream...I cannot breath but someday I will sing.~
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you dig it shallow, so I can feel the rain?
I understand. Im totally right there with you at this point in my life. Its all about the small things a that usually seem so insignificant. It makes me feel like I am incapable of coping, like something is wrong with me that makes me not even be able to handle what others don't even notice. Other people don't even have to think about it... they just keep going. idk. sorry.
Youre not alone though.
*deep breath*
~I am an angel with broken wings...I cannot fly, only dream...I cannot breath but someday I will sing.~
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you dig it shallow, so I can feel the rain?
have some ice cream and call your therapist. Make some appointments for the next few weeks.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
right. i am not strong enough. i do not have everything under control as i perceived in my wicked mind. maybe being by myself today was not a great idea. it seems like even if i were to yell my loudest in vets it would only echo. my mind is racing fast knowing the outcome of the day. what will i say? how to cover it? my adrenaline is high. heart beating so fast, almost feeling it through my chest. why am i feeling this way? i know this feeling. turning back? yeah i could. doing so may make it worse. then again maybe i would make it another 2 months. my daughter's birthday. the burn. the swelling. the intense pain. yep. i am soooo stupid for my actions. i am stupid to think that i was getting better. i will force through this trial. i will no mistakingly doubt take something away from myself, my family, my kids. my kids. what will i tell them. stupidselfishlittlebitch.
Firstly, Can you try and take a step back from your thoughts and read what you have just written as if it was somebody else? Have you hurt yourself and does it need attention?
You are getting better, blips happen along the way....you know that. You are strong enough to come through this.
I agree...it is still rough slipping up after a long good patch. But we will all make it through! Just hang in there, and i will try to virtually hang next to you!
*hugs*
~I am an angel with broken wings...I cannot fly, only dream...I cannot breath but someday I will sing.~
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you dig it shallow, so I can feel the rain?
blip is a slip or is it a bump? either way it slows us down one in agood way of not going to far another in a way that it forces us to see the reality that i am screwed no matter which way i think
You need to reach out to people in your 'real life' environment you can help you with that. I know you are seeing your therapist on Thursday. What have you put in place until then? What makes now harder than anything you have experienced in the last ten months whilst being 'clean' of self harm?
I have found old fate until then. I don't have any one here to talk to. I go go go. I will speak to her on Thursday. I have the required first aide and know how to properly take care of that part of me, just having troubles with the mental part today. Or should i say this week...Sorry...thanks..
Last edited by Rain Keeper : 21-09-2011 at 03:43 AM.
If you held on until someone was there to help you...
If you kept talking on here until this feeling passes...
If you remember how far you've come...
If you realise how amazing you are....
If you do the above you will get through this. You ARE amazing. I love you. *cuddles*
Dammit, FRainy, you can get past this!! I didnt see the last time you posted but, come on..you ARE stronger than this...I know it as well as you, even tho it gets hard for you to see. I understand why, too.
You have come waaaaaaay too far to give up, you really have.
I'm so impressed by how hard you have fought, against great odds. But you have kept going.
Keep it going now, love. You can. You really can.
I hope hse can help you.
I hope you will let her.
I hop you know I love you.
xxx
