Contains sexual abuse - maybe I overreacted??

Lost_in_Life · 24-08-2011, 07:40 PM

I posted a while ago about what happened with my ex but I'm beginning to wonder if I overreacted a bit. He saw me i the hall the other day and he asked to talk. I haven't spoken to him and I've been avoiding him since it happened but he looked sad and just tired and he said we could go somewhere with other people around so we went to the library but sad somewhere quiet and he apologized like a million times over about what happened. He said that he knew what happened wasn't right and that he didn't blame me for being mad at him and he was really sorry. He said he felt bad because he knows I hadn't been with anybody and that he shouldn't have but that he wanted me but he was sorry that he didn't stop when I told him to go and that he missed me.
I mean, we had been dating for a while and I liked him and we'd been making out and maybe it was just taken too far but it wasn't what others call it because he said he didn't mean to hurt me and he wants to just try to be friends again, But I'm not sure if I can do that. I mean, part of me says it was that, and I'm still messed up by what happened but it seems like it messed him up too. I just don't know what to do...

hiddenscars · 25-08-2011, 03:12 AM

It doesn't matter if you had dated him for years, when you said no, but he continued, it's called rape. I know sometimes it's hard to come to terms with, goodness knows I had the same problem admitting it and saying the word, but that's what it is. Even if he is truly sorry, the fact that he apologized may help you with the healing process and that's good, but it doesn't change what he did to you.
Have you considered going to the police with what he did to you? Didn't you say that you went to the hospital after it happened?

Lost_in_Life · 25-08-2011, 04:08 AM

I hate that word. I hate it! Part of me knows that's what it was and that's why I went to the hospital but I won't go to the police. I can't.

hiddenscars · 25-08-2011, 05:05 AM

I know hun. I'm not gonna lie and say it's easy to deal with or get over, I'm still dealing, but it does get a little easier with time. And even though it's sometimes really hard, talking about it helps. Why can't you go to the police?

troubleshooter · 25-08-2011, 07:43 AM

You didn't mess him up, he's feeling guilty because he did something horrible. And he SHOULD feel guilty. Don't hang out with him anymore. If he feels bad or bothers you more, just say you can't hang out with him. Don't you feel guilty. When someone hurts another like that they must face the consequences. And considering that people have gone to jail for less, not being your boyfriend is a small price for him to pay. *hugs*

Lost_in_Life · 27-08-2011, 04:00 AM

I know I didn't but, I don't know. I just don't really feel like I know anything anymore. I can't even remember half of whats happened this whole summer its like I'm not even me. I don't know. sorry.

hiddenscars · 28-08-2011, 01:23 AM

Hun I know that it's difficult but the only way to truly get over what happened, and to be able to really live again without it stuck inside you is by talking about it. If not me or somebody else on here, then a psych doctor or something. It's really hard to talk about it, I'm not gonna lie, and it's gonna bring up stuff that you want to forget, but once you get it out in the open and out of your system, you really will be better for it.
*safe hugs*

Lost_in_Life · 28-08-2011, 04:30 AM

You say all of this and being on this thread it means you've been through something too, and I know you've tried to get me to talk but, I don't know how! It happened, I went through the hospital exam and the questions, then i locked myself away and just kind of, stopped living. How do I talk about it? How to I bring back the stuff that I put so far in the back of my mind that for a bit, I pretended that it just never happened?
How do I survive the memories when I live in the building with him?

hiddenscars · 28-08-2011, 05:26 AM

Yes, I went through something too, and like I've said, it's not going to be easy. Maybe try to write about it in a journal or something if you don't feel ready to talk about it with someone else, of if you can't verbalize it. I had a notebook full of my thoughts and feelings before I was able to talk about it here on RYL. It's hard physically and emotionally to remember that stuff, and especially if you still see him around, but it's necessary to get past it all.