Confused and making bad descisions?

[Wannabfree]

i have hardly been on this forum, have reduced and come off most of my meds, am working full time, am saying i am fine, fine and fine.......but IM NOT and IM not COPING. Inside i am screaming, secretly self harming, isolating myself etc etc

I know if i tell anyone it will destroy my last bit of uni, make people go ''not again'' and i wont cope.

Im not coping and im confused.

So very confused.

[roiben]

In reducing and coming off your meds, was this with medical advice (Dr/Psych) and was it with the agreed belief you had improved enough? It sounds like it may be wise to speak to your Dr and see if maybe the reduction was a little too soon and you have relapsed.

There is nothing wrong with needing help, and with asking for it, I get a sense that you feel ashamed of how you are really feeling and feel you need to hide it. Is it not better to be honest and seek out the help you need so that you can attain your best at Uni? How will being honest destroy Uni? It doesn't need to, it can instead be seeking the help to get you through that last bit of Uni and out the other side.

Be gentle with yourself.

Roiben x

[Fire Fly]

Honey, I dont know how you are feeling other than what you said. I know when i was younger i was suffering from bipolar disorder much worse to what it is now i was doing exactly as you said secretly self harming, wanting to scream and isolating myself from the world. I found that every time i do something wrong such as if someone found out bout my od or cutting i've screwed up again. and no matter what i did, i continued to keep screwing up. I just want you to know that im always here for chat and your not alone, lots of people feel similiar to you and you should talk to someone as it may help even if its only a little bit.

Like Roiben said, was coming of your medication your idea or your doctors? if it was yours did you jus tcome off it or were you tapered off? if you came off it your probably going through a relapse.

pm me if you want to talk :D xxxx

[Wannabfree]

Im ashamed because im doing social work and I should be able to handle things by now. Coming off meds was the doctors idea but i was meant to go on different meds, which i havent done. I really thought i would be fine BUT im not. People expect so much and i just feel like screaming at them and running away. Only problem is i have 2 small kids and i have to keep it together for them. I feel under so much pressure. My workload is so high i barely get time to think, the kids need me to. i feel i have no choice but to pretend But that is making it worse. If i say im not coping people just dont believe me. Thanks for your reply by the way.

[Wannabfree]

Honey, I dont know how you are feeling other than what you said. I know when i was younger i was suffering from bipolar disorder much worse to what it is now i was doing exactly as you said secretly self harming, wanting to scream and isolating myself from the world. I found that every time i do something wrong such as if someone found out bout my od or cutting i've screwed up again. and no matter what i did, i continued to keep screwing up. I just want you to know that im always here for chat and your not alone, lots of people feel similiar to you and you should talk to someone as it may help even if its only a little bit.

Like Roiben said, was coming of your medication your idea or your doctors? if it was yours did you jus tcome off it or were you tapered off? if you came off it your probably going through a relapse.

pm me if you want to talk :D xxxx

Thankyou I really appreciate that. I did taper off my meds but was meant to go onto another one, which i didnt do. Pretending is not good - im realising it makes it all worse. But then i tried to talk to the doctor and he just doesnt seem to listen. i just dont know.

[roiben]

Can I ask why you did not start the new medication? This sounds like a change of meds, rather than stopping a med. As others have said, how did you stop the medication, was it gradually reduced or did you stop cold?

I think it is a good idea to speak to your Dr. Regardless of who you are or what you are doing, there is nothing wrong with struggling. Please, try not to beat yourself up for needing help.

*safe hugs*

Roiben x

[Wannabfree]

I want to come off meds entirely but the side effects of withdrawal are terrible. So I am just trying to cut them down. To compensate they wanted me to start a new med - but the whole point was to come off them - unless i got the message wrong which is common these days it seems. I want help from them but not medication. But they want me on it. Im very confused.

[Geranium2]

Keep talking to them, don't suffer but pretend you are Ok. Do they know you are self-harming?

If you are certain you don't want meds you need to push them for alternatives (For instance here they have counselling, CBT and pychotherapy -with ridiculously long wait times, and a prescription for exercise scheme.)