I used to write a diary about my self-harming as a way to help me try and get through what I was feeling and try and stop. It was so I didnt have to tell anyone. I filled one and left it with some old stuff when I moved out. Mum went through it and read it. Now she knows every, uncensored thing. I feel so violated and ashamed and angry. I don't know who shes told and I'm panicing.
Do you think you'd be able to talk to her about this? I was worried about some stuff at home when I moved out to uni, but I think that my parents are wanting to keep my trust, as we've only begun to vaguely talk about things. Anyway, I think you should try and talk to her, tell her it was't right for her to read it, even if she did come across it, which could be argued that she shouldn't have gone through your stuff too!
Maybe write something down? I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mum, but I'm hoping she hasn't told anyone else, maybe one close person to her, at most, in case she needed to talk about it.
I haven't spoken to her about it. She just called me and said I found your diary and that she was embarrassed. Most of it was my anger directed at her so there was a lot of nasty stuff in there about her. I'm just worried she's gone and told the whole family. If she told anyone it would be in the family. I don't think I can face them if they know.
They are from last year. I'm not good with confrontation but that's probably what I'll do. I mean, it's sort of the truth anyway. I only wrote when I was really upset so everything is way over the top. I just feel embarrassed now because not only has she read every stupid thing I wrote, but I only scratch and hit, not cut, and i feel like I've failed at being a failure and now she knows that.
Yeah when we're upset, things can get exaggerated. No hun, you're not a failure, hitting and scrathing are still forms of self-harm. I know it's easy to feel that 'it's not proper', I often feel like that as my injuries aren't nearly are bad as others'. Everyone's case is different. For example, just because I don't hit myself, it doesn't mean that you have less problems compared to me. If you get that.
Thanks. I guess I'll try and talk to her about it soon. It's just hard because it'll be over the phone and there is too much I can't explain and she's still got that damn book. If one good thing came out of this though, its that I confided in a friend so I could take back at least some control in who knew.
I know what it's like to have your mum go through your diary, i was so angry at her for going through my things. It was at that time that she found out i hadn't stopped harming and i was taken to my gp. Anyhow the best thing to do is to try to talk about it, not doing what i did which was shout, get angry and kick off. Its never easy when people youe close to find out but in the long time it can make it easier.
My mum foudn oout in a similar way when i still had visible amrks on my arms but it was oddly a saving grace as it was the wake up call i needed. She doesn't know however, like you, that i still scratch and hit myself. You are not a failure either and I hope talking to your mum goes ok.
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