My mum threatened me with going to a doctor after already seeing cuts once and not doing anything.
She also said I had a personality disorder
And after seeing my cuts again asked me if it was 'just a teenage bored thing'
I think it's fair to say that a lot of people who self harm have many difficulties with communicating their feelings appropriately. A lot of us were never taught effective and positive ways to express how we are feeling and to get help and support from other people by using our voices (or our voices went unheard).
I wrote on a previous page about my mum cutting herself in front of me. It was a shocking thing to experience, but my mum was also a victim of child abuse from her parents, and didn't know how to express her concern and anger regarding my actions. She'd never received appropriate responses from her parents about her feelings, and so had never been able to hand those lessons over to me. It doesn't make it okay, but it's understandable.
A lot of those people in school who self harm (and I was one of them) desperately wanted someone to listen and care, to help me alleviate some of the distress. Many of us who have been taught effectively how to get support would go to our parents/friends/a teacher and ask. But for others, that's an alien concept, and so they do the best they can. Sometimes that means exposing cuts and scars. That doesn't make it 'okay', per se, as it can affect the people who have to see it, but they don't deserve to be shunned in the pejorative way of 'attention-seekers'. They need to be responded to with care, to be listened to and encouraged to use their voices.
Hope that made sense. Am just coming from the place of my own old 14-year old self.
I've not had much said to me but my Dad has said:
"You're pathetic" - after me trying to explain to him why I SH which triggered me more
And also, "Why did you cut in that place, that's the most dangerous place to do it, you could have died!" - Well duh, I was suicidal.
Another thing, I explained why I felt depressed : "Oh that's just life, deal with it".. My dad never was one to understand..
I'm proud to say that I'm 8 months SH free though
x
^^
Thats awful. I told my sister once and she said that I needed to be committed... That hurt.
My friend recently told me that my depression was all in my head. I think she was just trying to understand though but it just sounded like she thought I was insane.
tell me if im looking at this the wrong way,but are you saying all people who show scars(not just because its hot outside) are wanting attention,or that some people seem to have a "look at what ive done to myself/lookie at my scars" type attitude?
i think the problem is where's the line,or how can you differenciate between the two groups?
eg,another self harmer(long sleeve wearing,quite ashamed?by their scars/not comfortable with them/wants to hide them/whatever applies to you) comes into where i work,and sees me wandering around in shorts and tshirt-scars on display does that mean i would be "parading" or could it just be that ive decided ive developed a level of comfort with my own scars and have accepted myself?
there is a fine line between the two,and part of it depends on how the person viewing the other person feels....
im not having a go,but the scars on show thing can be a lot more complex(like sh itself i guess).
xx
Oh, no I go around in my bikini, I don't care if people see my scars.There's nothing wrong with wearing clothes where your scars show. There are just a few people who are like "look at what I did to myself" asking for attention. For example one kid at my school would show people and say stuff like "look what I did".
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
I think the the most hurtful thing sad to me was right after i showed my friend my arm and she said "Oh, well..those arent that bad." It was like a kick in the face.
My dad said this to me the last time I told him I have urges
"You have to controll them. Other people have urges too, you know? Pedophiles have urges, and they can't just go out there and act on them. Men have urges, and they don't just go out there and rape women. They have to controll themselves, too"
Oh, no I go around in my bikini, I don't care if people see my scars.There's nothing wrong with wearing clothes where your scars show. There are just a few people who are like "look at what I did to myself" asking for attention. For example one kid at my school would show people and say stuff like "look what I did".
thanks for clearing it up,i was sat there confused as a spider under a glass!
My dad said this to me the last time I told him I have urges
"You have to controll them. Other people have urges too, you know? Pedophiles have urges, and they can't just go out there and act on them. Men have urges, and they don't just go out there and rape women. They have to controll themselves, too"
HOLY S!IT,thats one of the most shocking things ive heard for a while.xxx
"Promise me you won't do it again. If you don't, I'll stop being friends with you."
"Whats that on your arm? Stupid girl."
"Its not worth it. Its pathetic."
<3 .x. .x. .x. .x. .x. .x. <3
One day you'll love me, the way I loved you. One day you'll think of me the way I thought of you. One day you'll cry for me, the way I cried for you. One day you'll want me, but I won't want you.
I talked with a friend about surgery and she said that she didn't want anyone to cut her open. I said that I didn't want anyone else to cut me open, too. Then she said that I prefer to do that myself.
It was funny though.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
"How did that happen"
Its a silly comment to get annoyed by, but even so, when someone has a load of straight cuts or scars, in the same place, its perfectly obvious. I feel like people ask just so they can get the gossip.
boyfriend say " if you do it again I will to"
when he SH in the past too
or
mom saying "wow thats a really bad scar your going to need plactic surgry on it later to make them go away "
like I dont know that the are always there
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Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
