When people I hang out with make the motion with their hands like they're cutting their wrists after complaining about something.
(Thanks for the triggering thought..)
Dad (doesn't know I SI): "Oh, is she one of those girls who got caught cutting in the bathroom at school?"
(Dad, please educate yourself. Jesus..)
People that say "I'm gonna go crawl in a corner and cut myself now".
(That sounds nice, actually.. >_<)
Oh! People who actually put their scars on DISPLAY make me angry, too. Like the people who take pictures and put them on Facebook. I feel bad for them because they want attention that badly, but they're mocking all the reasons behind self-harming by doing that.
Success is not final.
Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill
Just because I'm smiling it doesn't mean I'm Happy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm not actually sure about that.
I am currently:
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemonster11
Oh! People who actually put their scars on DISPLAY make me angry, too. Like the people who take pictures and put them on Facebook. I feel bad for them because they want attention that badly, but they're mocking all the reasons behind self-harming by doing that.
That. :/ I mean, i dont mind if people see them, but it's not like you should parade it around. It's sad to think people can be that desperate for attention.
but they're mocking all the reasons behind self-harming by doing that.
And what reasons are these?
Whilst posting pictures online is obviously a cause for concern when it comes to just walking down the street some people have accepted their scars as a part of themselves and don't feel the need to hide them. And why should they really? People who have scars through no fault of their own (burns, surgeries, etc) don't hide them away.
I have scars on my arms that aren't actually caused by self-harm but could be mistaken as such, especially by someone who knows I have done it. I'm not going to cover them or hide them.
Oh! People who actually put their scars on DISPLAY make me angry, too. Like the people who take pictures and put them on Facebook. I feel bad for them because they want attention that badly, but they're mocking all the reasons behind self-harming by doing that.
I have scars on 'display'. It's summer and I have scars on my legs that cannot be hidden if I wear tanned tights and a summer dress. There are also scars on my arm that are faint but if you knew I self-harmed, they'd be obvious. Yes, I know self-harm is wrong and everything but I'm going to have to accept that I have scars sooner or later and they're a part of me, so why not now? It's not about attention, it's because it's so damn hot and I cannot be bothered to hide them.
Posting pictures online I can see a problem with, however.
Not really inappropriate but funny, in a dark sense.
Me: I had a dream I was made to go to therapy and I ended up having my hand chopped off
T: Don't worry, we won't cut your hand off...you're perfectly capable of doing that yourself >.>
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
I have scars on 'display'. It's summer and I have scars on my legs that cannot be hidden if I wear tanned tights and a summer dress. There are also scars on my arm that are faint but if you knew I self-harmed, they'd be obvious. Yes, I know self-harm is wrong and everything but I'm going to have to accept that I have scars sooner or later and they're a part of me, so why not now? It's not about attention, it's because it's so damn hot and I cannot be bothered to hide them.
Posting pictures online I can see a problem with, however.
Okay so I've obviously offended quite a few people. I don't mean "displaying" as in not hiding them. I mean "displaying" as in posting pictures on the internet.. purposefully revealing them in school because you know someone will see them. Things like that. That's what I meant.
The fact that someone is letting their scars show because it's hot outside is completely different. I understand that and I'm not going to expect someone to suffer in order to hide them.
I'm sorry if what I said was offensive, but hopefully I cleared things up.
Lots of love!
Success is not final.
Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill
Whilst posting pictures online is obviously a cause for concern when it comes to just walking down the street some people have accepted their scars as a part of themselves and don't feel the need to hide them. And why should they really? People who have scars through no fault of their own (burns, surgeries, etc) don't hide them away.
I have scars on my arms that aren't actually caused by self-harm but could be mistaken as such, especially by someone who knows I have done it. I'm not going to cover them or hide them.
Okay. I didn't say letting them show made me angry. I said displaying them bothers me. When you purposefully make sure other people see them ..that bothers me. Because not everyone cuts for attention.
There are other reasons like simply wanting to feel something ..releasing pain, etc. By making sure other people see your scars, you're just giving everyone who says "people just cut because they want attention" credit. You're proving the stereotype correct.
I'm sorry if I offended you, but I hope that we're both on the same page now.
Lots of love!
Success is not final.
Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill
That. :/ I mean, i dont mind if people see them, but it's not like you should parade it around. It's sad to think people can be that desperate for attention.
Yes, that's what I meant. "Parading". That's a good word.
Like, if I happen to see someone's scars then it doesn't bother me, but don't frame (if you will) them.
Lots of love!
Success is not final.
Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill
If someone is wanting to harm themselves and then show off the scars then let them. What harm is it doing to you? Self-harm is a way to show to others that you are hurting or not coping with something. Everyone has different reasons why they self-harm and how they use it. Whether you want to accept or belief it or not, self-harm can be a way of seeking attention from people around you. It is a way of physically showing emotions that you struggle to verbalise.
Just because someone does that does not make them any different to any other self-harmer. It doesn't mean they are 'mocking all the reasons behind it'.
If someone is wanting to harm themselves and then show off the scars then let them. What harm is it doing to you? Self-harm is a way to show to others that you are hurting or not coping with something. Everyone has different reasons why they self-harm and how they use it. Whether you want to accept or belief it or not, self-harm can be a way of seeking attention from people around you. It is a way of physically showing emotions that you struggle to verbalise.
Just because someone does that does not make them any different to any other self-harmer. It doesn't mean they are 'mocking all the reasons behind it'.
Obviously I'm not going to be able to express to you what I meant. Let's agree to disagree, okay?
Success is not final.
Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill
If someone is wanting to harm themselves and then show off the scars then let them. What harm is it doing to you? Self-harm is a way to show to others that you are hurting or not coping with something. Everyone has different reasons why they self-harm and how they use it. Whether you want to accept or belief it or not, self-harm can be a way of seeking attention from people around you. It is a way of physically showing emotions that you struggle to verbalise.
Just because someone does that does not make them any different to any other self-harmer. It doesn't mean they are 'mocking all the reasons behind it'.
I really wish you would stop flip-flopping on your views on self harm. Just a few pages ago, you were chewing someone out and saying that most self-harm was for attention, and now you seem to be fine with people using their scars to garner sympathy. If you're just trying to be contrary, I politely suggest that you find a different board to do so in, as thus far you have not contributed anything to the actual point of this thread - i.e. letting people vent about things that have been said to them about self-harm that bothered them. I understand that you hold strong views about SI (though I can't figure out what they are), but please stop using this as a forum to just challenge people - it makes it hard for people to open up if they feel like they're just going to get criticized.
-Krim
Last edited by NoWarButTheClassWar : 23-07-2011 at 11:02 PM.
"You cannot take what you have not given, and you must give yourself." -Shevek, The Dispossessed(Ursula K. LeGuin)
When people I hang out with make the motion with their hands like they're cutting their wrists after complaining about something.
(Thanks for the triggering thought..)
Dad (doesn't know I SI): "Oh, is she one of those girls who got caught cutting in the bathroom at school?"
(Dad, please educate yourself. Jesus..)
People that say "I'm gonna go crawl in a corner and cut myself now".
(That sounds nice, actually.. >_<)
Oh! People who actually put their scars on DISPLAY make me angry, too. Like the people who take pictures and put them on Facebook. I feel bad for them because they want attention that badly, but they're mocking all the reasons behind self-harming by doing that.
I have several issues with this but not meanly, just that that was slightly offensive to me personally. I say things like, I'm gonna go crawl in a corner and cut myself now, because I actually feel like that and I think some of my friends suspect that I do sh and it makes it seem like I don't, if you undestand me?
Also I honestly am not completly sure about why I self harm but one time I did not cover my cuts on my arm completly in the morning of a food tech lesson and I think I maybe (yes I'm very sorry) wantted my teacher to notice because thats the only way I'm going to be able to stop and it would force me to.
Hope that wasn't too mean of a comment x
We are only people, and people aint perfect. So why do you exspect me to be.
You can't hurt me more than I hurt myself so why do you keep trying?
Wishing everyone Good luck with whatever they are going through. x
If someone is wanting to harm themselves and then show off the scars then let them. What harm is it doing to you? Self-harm is a way to show to others that you are hurting or not coping with something. Everyone has different reasons why they self-harm and how they use it. Whether you want to accept or belief it or not, self-harm can be a way of seeking attention from people around you. It is a way of physically showing emotions that you struggle to verbalise.
Just because someone does that does not make them any different to any other self-harmer. It doesn't mean they are 'mocking all the reasons behind it'.
But the people that are putting their scars on display and making it obvious that all they want is attention make it so that other self harmers are attacked. and it helps spread the belief that all self harmers only do it for attention, when in reality there are many other reasons why we sh. If the belief that attention was the only reason we do it wasn't there, than many of the things written on this board probably wouldn't have been said. So excuse some of us for being upset with the people that help fuel this belief.
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
i had a so called friend tell me she likes me better when i cut and another friend who told me to stop crying and go and cut and get it over and done with.
needless to say i fell out with said people, im down to my one best friend and terrified im going to lose him too.
Okay. I didn't say letting them show made me angry. I said displaying them bothers me. When you purposefully make sure other people see them ..that bothers me. Because not everyone cuts for attention.
There are other reasons like simply wanting to feel something ..releasing pain, etc. By making sure other people see your scars, you're just giving everyone who says "people just cut because they want attention" credit. You're proving the stereotype correct.
I'm sorry if I offended you, but I hope that we're both on the same page now.
Lots of love!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SingStar
But the people that are putting their scars on display and making it obvious that all they want is attention make it so that other self harmers are attacked. and it helps spread the belief that all self harmers only do it for attention, when in reality there are many other reasons why we sh. If the belief that attention was the only reason we do it wasn't there, than many of the things written on this board probably wouldn't have been said. So excuse some of us for being upset with the people that help fuel this belief.
tell me if im looking at this the wrong way,but are you saying all people who show scars(not just because its hot outside) are wanting attention,or that some people seem to have a "look at what ive done to myself/lookie at my scars" type attitude?
i think the problem is where's the line,or how can you differenciate between the two groups?
eg,another self harmer(long sleeve wearing,quite ashamed?by their scars/not comfortable with them/wants to hide them/whatever applies to you) comes into where i work,and sees me wandering around in shorts and tshirt-scars on display does that mean i would be "parading" or could it just be that ive decided ive developed a level of comfort with my own scars and have accepted myself?
there is a fine line between the two,and part of it depends on how the person viewing the other person feels....
im not having a go,but the scars on show thing can be a lot more complex(like sh itself i guess).
xx
Last edited by snailonvalium : 24-07-2011 at 11:17 AM.
Reason: sp
tell me if im looking at this the wrong way,but are you saying all people who show scars(not just because its hot outside) are wanting attention,or that some people seem to have a "look at what ive done to myself/lookie at my scars" type attitude?
i think the problem is where's the line,or how can you differenciate between the two groups?
eg,another self harmer(long sleeve wearing,quite ashamed?by their scars/not comfortable with them/wants to hide them/whatever applies to you) comes into where i work,and sees me wandering around in shorts and tshirt-scars on display does that mean i would be "parading" or could it just be that ive decided ive developed a level of comfort with my own scars and have accepted myself?
there is a fine line between the two,and part of it depends on how the person viewing the other person feels....
im not having a go,but the scars on show thing can be a lot more complex(like sh itself i guess).
xx
i agree with where you're coming from, i dont like my scars but if i wear long sleeves (particularly now its summer) people automatically think i'm harming and make me show them my arms to make sure im not and that feels worse than someone looking at my scars so at the moment mostly there on show
I really wish you would stop flip-flopping on your views on self harm. Just a few pages ago, you were chewing someone out and saying that most self-harm was for attention, and now you seem to be fine with people using their scars to garner sympathy. If you're just trying to be contrary, I politely suggest that you find a different board to do so in, as thus far you have not contributed anything to the actual point of this thread - i.e. letting people vent about things that have been said to them about self-harm that bothered them. I understand that you hold strong views about SI (though I can't figure out what they are), but please stop using this as a forum to just challenge people - it makes it hard for people to open up if they feel like they're just going to get criticized.
-Krim
I'm not flip-flopping. I do think that self-harm can be a way of seeking attention (positive or negative). If someone needs to show their scars as a way to communicate to others that they are hurting, then so be it. I have no problem with that. It doesn't effect me or my life, nor should it anyone else's. Or even if someone is just comfortable with their scars (since there really isn't much they can do about them) and wants to live their life without feeling the need to hide away, then more power to them.
I would prefer most of the people on this thread to think about the wider picture. Perhaps if they took a step back from some things (granted, some things said have been pretty awful) then they wouldn't get as annoyed/triggered/upset.
Also, it would help if they knew what they really wanted, friends and family can't seem to do right for doing wrong. When someone mentioned it the person is 'triggered' or attacked, and when they don't they obviously don't care. Also, it might be good to think about the impact of their actions on their friends and family. It is difficult for loved ones to understand and accept, and it does hurt them because people can feel like they have failed. Sometimes things can be said in the heat of the moment. Or what about when jokes about self-harm are said, when no-one in the group knows that someone there does it? How are they meant to be more sensitive or whatever else is wanted, when they don't know about something?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SingStar
But the people that are putting their scars on display and making it obvious that all they want is attention make it so that other self harmers are attacked. and it helps spread the belief that all self harmers only do it for attention, when in reality there are many other reasons why we sh. If the belief that attention was the only reason we do it wasn't there, than many of the things written on this board probably wouldn't have been said. So excuse some of us for being upset with the people that help fuel this belief.
We all want attention at some point, whether we admit it or not. It's not a bad thing.
If you don't feel you self-harm for attention, then why let it bother you? You have your own reasons, and why someone else does it is of no real consequence to your life. If someone says you are doing it for attention then tell them why you do it, educate them to your own personal circumstance.
If someone calls you an emo, then let it slide. I'm blonde and people tell me blonde jokes, it doesn't bother me. People have called me an emo, I don't care.
I haven't read this thread in its entirety, but I have the last few pages, and I felt like I needed to say that the assumption that people want attention because they show their scars is quite hard for me....scars are different than cuts.
I was a self harmer for years, and did it behind closed doors, very few knew, and I wore long sleeves because I didn't want others to see it, it was my pain and my way of coping I didn't want to show the world. but over time, I stopped relying on self harm as a coping mechanism but I still felt compelled to cover them for fear of judgement and ridicule from others, and the fact that I wasn't comfortable being so out there with my emotional track record so to speak, being a very private, strong willed person - many of my closed friends to this day still don't know.
anyway, in 2010 i had the chance to do some volunteer work in Jamaica in the dead middle of their summer, i was going to be doing some hard work and knew that I was going to need to wear short sleeves....that was the first time that I showed my arms in public. it was AMAZING. the feeling of liberation and strength was so so so powerful. The group i was with (granted we were all graduates of a social work school) did not ask once about my arm the entire 3 months we were away, the individuals in the community did often and ironically found it quite "amazing" as it appeared to them as some tribal markings or something....nonetheless it was such an experience that I will never forget.
i then returned home to a place where i felt like the only choice was to cover my arms back up...it was so disheartening but for my safety showing them wasn't worth the emotional pain that would endure.
I then left the country to return to a different part of the world to do a post graduate degree, and this time i told myself i didn't care, i wanted to to do it for myself....I was fearful of friends who knew me but that part of me finding out, but they were fine. I get questions sometimes but not often, I see people look but i just meet their eyes and the conversation isn't stopped because of it. i sit in a position of clinical power so to speak in my work, and my competency, ability, judgement etc has never been questioned.
I think when the rationale behind the intention is congruent things fall in place....some people show theirs wounds and/or scars to seek help, to communicate, others don't neither is right or wrong, neither is less attention seeking than the other, just different.
life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
I have several issues with this but not meanly, just that that was slightly offensive to me personally. I say things like, I'm gonna go crawl in a corner and cut myself now, because I actually feel like that and I think some of my friends suspect that I do sh and it makes it seem like I don't, if you undestand me?
Also I honestly am not completly sure about why I self harm but one time I did not cover my cuts on my arm completly in the morning of a food tech lesson and I think I maybe (yes I'm very sorry) wantted my teacher to notice because thats the only way I'm going to be able to stop and it would force me to.
Hope that wasn't too mean of a comment x
Oh, I'm sorry! No, that's not what I meant. When they say "I'm gonna go crawl in a corner and cut myself now" I meant people that say it in a mocking way. People that use sarcasm when they say it. Do you know what I mean? If you're saying it because you genuinely want help, that's completely understandable.
And with letting your scars show to your teacher, I feel like that's different. You're wanting help from just one person. I've done that too. I'm not going to say I also don't want some form of attention because I do. But what I'm saying is that wanting attention isn't the ONLY reason why people cut and it bothers me when I see people who are uneducated concerning self-harm having their "only for attention" thoughts proven correct.
It wasn't mean at all and I'm glad you brought that to my attention. I guess I should be more thorough when I talk about such sensitive topics. (:
Lots of love!
Success is not final.
Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill
![[Luna]'s Avatar](image.php?s=568bcb604224ed9423f660009a1ecc62&u=32920&dateline=1692390196)
