I'm sorry *SUICIDE* - Page 2

how.to.love* · 14-07-2011, 02:20 PM

Hold on. I know it seems like there's little hope for a better tomorrow, but I hope you know that things can only get better.
I agree with what everyone else has already said, maybe a hospital stay would help? My father has pretty severe bipolar disorder, and I know that when he takes a turn for the worst, he goes and has himself admitted. A short stay usually hleps him out a great deal.
Hugs for you. Stay strong.

SoDark · 14-07-2011, 04:22 PM

I was actually having a decent day yesterday. I was down but pushing through it by hanging out with some friends. I went home and had a major confrontation with my sister. she said a lot of really hurtful things. She was yelling horrible things at me. I tried to go into the living room to get away and she wouldn't let me by. Then I went into the other room and she followed still screaming at me. I put my shoes on to go outside and she put hands on me and grabbed me saying that I can't just walk away. I broke free and went out the door. She followed again! I grabbed my smokes and started off down the street in my pajamas. I called my therapist because if I cut again I'm going inpatient. I was sobbing on the phone and yelling and cursing. Hopefully I didn't wake any neighbors. She stayed on the phone with me until I was back in my room with the door locked. I thought it was over but when I woke up this morning my computer was missing. She took it and hid it in her room. So needless to say I have not had a great start to my day. Oh yeah, did I mention that my sister is 21! Real mature.

crazykat · 14-07-2011, 04:37 PM

I'm sorry your sister reacted like that, try not to let her get you down. You did really well ringing your therapist. Hold on there, you will get through this. Take care
Kat xxx

SoDark · 15-07-2011, 02:21 AM

I really want to cut right now and I don't want to bother my therapist again. I feel like I call her every night. I know I woke her up last night. I never called her before but now I am in crisis. I just want to do it and try to lie. I'm not very good at that. I really don't want to go to the hospital but if I do it again thats what everyone will think. I just feel like it's what I'm supposed to do and what I deserve. I'm afraid to call my friends because I think they have had enough of my crap and I really don't want to burn them out so I havn't called them in like a week. I think that I am feeling a little less suicidal but I just got my prescription filled so if that changes the temptation will certainly be there. I am currently sitting in a starbucks that closes in 40 minutes and my internet is down at home so I won't have the distraction of the computer for the night. I'm just really down and I feel like I'm running out of options.

crazykat · 15-07-2011, 04:59 AM

I hope you manage to distract yourself, hold on there. You will get through this xxx

SoDark · 17-07-2011, 04:13 AM

So I feel OK right no0w because I was distracted by a long trip and I'm pretty drunk but I don't really know where this is going. I just have to finish my class which will be in two weeks. Then I don't care what happens. Hospitalization: whatever. I don't feel like I can work right now. I want to give the family emergency excuse but then what will I say if I do get hospitalized. I think I have to save that one. I'm thinking that I will have a migraine on monday. I feel so guilty about work and about the pressure that I am putting on my friends and I just want to drive away but I obviously can't drive right now. I already called one of them because of the state I am in. I wish that I didn't. I was trying to give them some space. I'm so lost right now. I need some good advice right now. Please help.

crazykat · 17-07-2011, 07:55 AM

I know you feel guilty but you shouldn't. You can only do so much, if you keep pushing yourself too much you will burn out. Are you able to talk to your school to see if you can get an extension or something to help relieve some of the pressure? Keep fighting, you can get through this
Kat xxx

SoDark · 17-07-2011, 05:21 PM

I really don't know what to do anymore. The sht hit the fan this morning. Because of the state I was in last night, I was too lazy to go upstairs and get my laptop so I used my Mom's computer and forgot to close the window. She knows everything. She tried to be supportive but wound up just telling me that I am selfish in using this site and asking people to make me feel better. Her answer for my problems was that I need to help out around the house more regardless of how I am feeling. Whatever, I don't really care what happens anymore.

talaiporia · 17-07-2011, 11:50 PM

Uh oh.
Please be careful though. Things will get better and there are a lot of people who care about you.

How are you feeling now?

SoDark · 18-07-2011, 04:00 AM

I don't know how i feel right now. I am going to be and try to sleep as late as possible. I called in to work so I don't have anything planned till therapy at 5. I am going to talk to her about asking for a month off from work but i'm really worried about losing my job.

SoDark · 18-07-2011, 09:11 PM

My meds were taken away so no OD. I'm headed to therapy now to see what they are going to do with me.

SoDark · 22-07-2011, 06:46 PM

Thank you for all of the support. I think that I am finally feeling better. The last two months have been really rough but I got through it thanks to the help of others. I'm not used to having people who care but I am very grateful.

IloveCelticWoman · 22-07-2011, 09:47 PM

I know you don't really know me, but I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're doing better.

SoDark · 24-07-2011, 02:27 AM

I am feeling a little bit frustrated because I am finally feeling more stable and I have nobody to share it with. I haven't spoken to my friends in weeks. I'm afraid I have lost them. I know that I was a burden but I'm better! I'm still struggling with the urge to cut or do something worse but it is simply not an option. Just need to get through tonight. I work a double tomorrow so I'll be distracted. I have these major anxiety attacks when I get out of work. Maybe it's because I have to fake it all day or maybe it's because I feel like I have nothing to go home to.

SoDark · 29-07-2011, 04:39 AM

So I am feeling a little bit better but I am not the same person anymore. I am angry, irritated, and impatient. I snap at people and I am rude. I don't know what to do. I told myself a long time ago that I would never go back to this again. I would just kill myself. So now I am back to the same predicament as a month ago. In two weeks I will get my refill and decide what to do. I think that I am going to cut tonight. I just need to do something. I don't want to bother my friends anymore. I want them to think I'm better.