So ive finally taken the leap into the unknown!!
After several years of being SH free my old "friend" has cought up to me. I stopped after a huge injury that has left me looking deformed and unable to feel anything in the lower section of my left arm, i thought i knew it all, i had been doing it half my life...you can never account for the dammage a second of unadulterated messed up raw emotion can cause. However it was i price i willingly paied for being SH free for almost 4years. I now work as a psychiatric support worker in an environment that deals with quite servear illnesses...and feel like a fraud who should be in there with them. I have a relationship with a wonderful and beautiful man, who is unfortunately battling with his own demons (alcohol) but tries in his own way to understand my crazy logics!!
I wish more than anything at the moment that i never dropped the ball and let go of that fear of my own capabillitys that were keeping me safe. I am now back to my old well practiced habbits. Collecting my tools and savoring them for just the right (or wrong) time. I want to get well again. I know i will never be free of the friend that asks me for nothing in return , but my sanity and pain. i just want to learn how im ment to put him back in the cage where he belongs!! :) I hope to get to know you just a little on my journey and im sure you will hear from me again very soon.
Good luck everyone, what doesnt kill you will only make you stranger :p
xx
Indi
xx
