So Alone

Stargirlml · 15-07-2011, 04:53 PM

It's been three weeks and it's the longest I've gone without harming myself. But I feel like I'm slipping...I feel so alone even though I've been getting better. I'm so tempted right now, but I'm trying my hardest not to...I hate this. It sucks so much. I honestly feel like I might break down right now. I don't know how much more I can take without doing it ='(

Tig · 15-07-2011, 05:29 PM

Congratulations on three weeks free ~ that's an amazing achievement.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so alone at the moment and that you are experiencing such intense emotions. Do you know if there is anything that has triggered this for you?

What sort of things do you find helpful when faced with the urges? Are you able to spend some time with somebody so you feel less alone, but also so that you can't self harm. Distractions?

xx

Stargirlml · 15-07-2011, 06:44 PM

Thanks

I think part of it has to deal with the fact that I saw a few of my friends last night when I went to the store and wasn't expecting to see them. I've hardly talked to them since we got out of school for the summer except for a graduation party or two. One of those friendships with my best friend of 9 yrs ended in front of everyoneand I just feel so vulnerable and alone. I was okay for so long but realizing how hard this last yr of high school will be is scaring the hell out of me and making me worry about how everyone will see me and who all knows about things that I've been dealing with.

Right now I'm going swimming with my mom and lil sis at a community pool and just seeing girls wearing bikinis makes me feel horrible since I'm wearing swimshorts and can't look like them because of my scars.

I normally watch funny vids on utube of whose line is it anyway or make bracelets

Tig · 15-07-2011, 07:25 PM

I hope going swimming distracts you. I can empathise with seeing others in bikinis and feeling horrible because of self harm scars.

It must be very difficult with your friendships - especially for such a special friendship to end in front of other people. You will get through this last year and you might find in time it is easier than you think it will be. I hope so anyway. xx

Stargirlml · 16-07-2011, 12:45 AM

Thanks, it really didn't distract me from everything, though. I didn't have the heart to just have fun like I used to be able to. So I ended up thinking all day about things and just being depressed all day. I'm still fighting this urge. I hate it.

And thanks, I hope it will be too x

PassedExpectations · 16-07-2011, 11:27 PM

how have you been doing today?

i know how awkward and hard it can be to see someone you used to be friends with but haven't seen or spoken to in a while. haven't figured out a great way of getting rid of the awkward feeling, but please know that it isn't just you that feels that way.

Stargirlml · 17-07-2011, 01:52 AM

I'm doing better today than yesterday.Thanks for asking. I almost gave in earlier, but got through it... I'm just hoping that urge doesn't come back tonight. And yeah, idk lol.

tinamarie · 18-07-2011, 12:49 AM

you can do it, let me tell u once u make it to the point where u like life its awsome, but u will have hard times, i am a self harmer for 14 years and have been struggleing to remain free now for 8 weeks, i used to never get out of bed hated life, and now i feel awsome. please hang on, if u need to talk u can pm me anytime

Stargirlml · 19-07-2011, 04:27 AM

Thank You and congrats on 8 weeks