can you explain what you mean by that? if you put it more specifically, then people can respond more specifically, which will probably be more helpful.
whatever you percieve that you've done/have done, it doesn't mean that you are worthless or a bad person, and you can carry on, and deserve to move on. everyone makes mistakes, big ones as well. what would you say to someone else was in your situation and with similar feelings?
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Hey Carrie. Please remember that however you are feeling, this won't be forever. Try and hang in there, it will pass. If you need to do not hesitate to PM me. Lots of love.
-Grey
When life hands you lemons, make orange-juice...
...Then sit backand watch everyone wonder how you did it.
Well I'm still here. Still alive. And I hurt my best friend immesurably by telling him I OD'd again. He's never going to forgive me. I've caused too much pain. He keeps saying that I'd cause him more pain if I was dead but I don't know what else to do there's no way for me to make it up to him I'm trapped. And it's been seven years, i can't keep going through with this. Sorry. I'm so sorry. It just is too much.
What more can I do? I HAVE to be punished. There is no choice. I should just stop tellign peopel cos then no one would be angrty. I don know where else to go . I ned punishemnet.
Hey ccjg.
I know what you're going through, you can message me any time :)
No one deserves to be punished, and it sounds like you're really struggling at the moment and could do with some support. I suggest talking to an adult that you trust, it might be hard but it also might be the first step to getting through your self harm.
*hugs* Ruby xx
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
I'm far away from home and help atm. I've only two weeks left in Germany but then I'm going back home (potential emotional abuse) and am terrified. My doctor out here told me they'd put me in patient but then they didn't have enough room or enough time, but the fear of that is still there so I can't really tell him what's going on because then i'll end up as an in patient. And then everyone wpuld be even more angry. I don't know. I need to try to get my life together but just leaving the house is becoming a problem. I panic all the time. I am really not doing this. I'm still here. I've promised my best friend that i won't harm myself again. I just am stuck in a quandry between knowing i need to be punished and not being able to do it because it will make everyone angrier. I don't know what to do.
There are so many reasons, all of them quite silly I suppose - my parents would kill me and they told me I'd get sectioned anyway, which I guess is what I'm scared of. And plus I'd be going in patient in Germany. I speak fluent-ish German but the idea of staying here, having treatment in German, not being able to leave for an indefinite amount of time... It just makes me feel worse. The best thing I can do is pretend to be fine until I can get back to uni in October. It seems like a long time.
Home could be fine, or it could be a hotbed of emotional abuse. If my parents find my scars they'll have me sectioned. Or lock me in the house and watch me constantly. Either way, they'll have cruel words to say about me anyway. My best friend told me I could stay with him, but when it comes to the crunch I don't know whether I'll be strong enough to tell my parents I'm leaving. Especially because I know they'd stop me. This is all such a mess. I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry to bump this thread, I know I take up too much time and I'm sorry to be annoying. I'm just really really tempted to OD, like ridiculously, and the only thing I've got are my anti depressants and I have to do something. I just want to so much. I'm really sorry.
Hi Carrie. Don't be sorry...not even for a second. I'm the one who's sorry that you're struggling so much at the moment. PLEASE don't overdose on your anti-depressants. PLEASE. Think of everyone who will miss you and just want you to get better. We've agreed in the past that the best motto is to 'keep going'. You really need to remember this right now. Your friend is amazing and clearly will do pretty much anything to help you. BUT he's not a doctor. I think you probably need a lot more support than you're getting at the moment. I know that going inpatient in Germany seems pretty daunting...but waiting until uni in October? I'm not sure. It's still a few months away and I think that you need help before then. If you don't want to deal with treatment in German right now, could you maybe move back here and cut your stay in Germany short? I know that's probably not ideal but YOU are the only person who counts right now and your health is so so important. Try not to feel too pressurised by your parents. I'm pretty sure that they can't get you sectioned. Your next of kin only has one vote in the whole process and I'm not really sure how much it counts. As I said, YOU are who matters right now. How are the urges at the moment? If you're still feeling desperate and/or impulsive, then PLEASE flush your pills down the toilet. Is there a helpline you can call? KEEP GOING xx
The urgwes have faded now. I'm broken. Trying to compse an email to my tutor to tell the what;s happening and i jus want to say i'm hurting so much. i dont know how to sa it. i'm just
oh dear, I'm so sorry that things seem so bleak at the moment. On the other hand, I'm so unbelievably relieved that you're safe. Well done on getting through the urges. That shows unbelievable courage. Don't worry too much about the email right now. You've had an exhausting last few hours. Maybe a good sleep would be best right now. Then you'll be able to think more clearlly in the morning about what you want to say.
I just feel so broken. It's like it's taking over me more and more. I'm struggling to go to lectures, to eat, to get out of bed. Anything. I'm going to end up failing uni. That;s just IT. I'll end up failing my year abroad, my parents will kill me, and I'll have to leave the only place where I'm safe. And it's all my fault.
Right, it sounds like NOW is the time to try and get this sorted. It's clear that all the bad stuff is escalating pretty quickly. Please don't let it get to the point where you're no longer in control.
And you will NOT fail uni! Right, if you're on a year abroad for languages then you'll have an extended essay and an oral, right? How are both of these going? Hav you managed to start on the essay? Please forgive me if you're not doing languages...I'm just making assumptions. Do you have to take any exams at the uni in Germany? If so, is there any chance you could talk to your uni and work out a special arrangement?
Most importantly, this is NOT your fault! Nobody asks to be ill. The only thing we can do is try to sort ourselves out by getting treatment. Will you consider going back to the doctor and asking for extra support.
I don't think I can go back to the doctor. There's nothing more they can do for me with so little time left. i don't know. I';m probably just being a coward. I just want him to think I'm better so I can get far away from him (he's not the most tactful of people and i panic a lot when i see him). Sorry to be pathetic. I just ghave to try to carry on. But it's like there's just nothing. I'm struggling to function.
I study French and German, so you're right, I have an essay to do, haven't even bloody started it yet. I've missed loads of lectures which I'm bricking it about because attendance is really important, and I emailed my coordinator at home who was lovely but i odn't know how much she understands. i wa maybe a bit euphemistic. I don'b know. Really strugglign at the moment. This is all very stupid.
trhry all want me awaay from them . so i ' m going to go awy . they don'twant to listen to m any morre/ so i' m going away . my min is ful of i'm goin t o d o this. they thihnnk i can carry on. they always lie tom me and tell me i'm not annoying them . they are all lying to me . i' m going to let them be safe from me . let them
