I'm sorry for not posting many helpful posts... so scared of myself now..please help me
I'm so sorry for not responding to many posts, mostly just giving hugs... I'd love to help, but lately there's been so much going on :/
I'm so scared of me now... I know too many ways of suicide, both painless and painful, quick or slow, and I feel so tempted to try them.. Everything said to me, like "A penguin gives you a fish" when I asked my friend to distract me, I manage to twist all those into morbid thoughts and death scenarios. I hate being awake, but when I'm asleep I'm so sick of how vivid and nightmarish my dreams are now... I don't know what to do, I want to kill myself just to stop all this...
I want to die slowly so I can feel my life slowly slipping away, and die, and leave this world... if there's no afterlife then I'll finally be able to walk away from myself like so many people did, if Heaven/Hell exists then I guess I'll be in Hell... if this isn't hell yet, I'm scared to even imagine hell, but if I end up there I know I deserve the pain anyway.. >.<
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight, but I'm just surviving.
The mirror can lie...doesn't show you what's inside. It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.
Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk... I'll always listen.
No worries about not posting much. You're clearly going through a really rough patch. Number one priority needs to be YOU right now. And hey, never apologise for giving hugs. I still swear that they have a magical healing power :)
It sounds like you're living with a pretty much constant frenzy of suicidal thoughts. That must be really distressing. I do seriously hope though that these remain just thoughts. Is there somebody with whom you can discuss these thoughts and how to reduce, or just cope, with them? Are you getting any professional support? I don't know if you're on medication but some anti-depressants can work wonders with this type of constant suicidal thinking. I know it's hard to not contemplate what comes after death but the truth is that we just don't know. What we DO know is that death is pretty much as final as things get and so PLEASE don't give in to any of your thoughts. Try not to focus on the unknown but instead on ways to get better. How are things this evening? If these thoughts continue to grow or get too overwhelming, then please call nhs direct, or a helpline, or go to a&e. The most important thing is keeping you safe xx
I don't know... I guess it started with my parents, but everything just began to accumulate >.<
Hopefully... thank you :/
I was pretty sure they would just remain thoughts and that I'd get used to it, but.. I don't know, I became much too reckless, and do things dangerously, and I can't help considering how I would be able to kill myself in whatever place I'm in.. I tried to kill myself once, it didn't work and no one ever knew, and it's so hard not to try it a different way again since I've learned so many by now...
I haven't told anyone professional... only two of my best friends and RYL, and I called a hotline once but it's not working out.. if I tell someone professional, they'll have to tell my parents and my parents would be even more disappointed in me than they already are ._. They already tell me they shouldn't have brought me into this world at all, I can't stand to let them know.. ._.
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight, but I'm just surviving.
The mirror can lie...doesn't show you what's inside. It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.
Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk... I'll always listen.
Hey. Read your sig, epsecially the one before the last line bout PM... Goes for you to.
With th suicidal thoughts.... I used to always think theyd remain thoughts.... need to tell someone otherwise more than likely they are just gonna get worse.
And for your parents... Dont worry if they are disappointed. Wat they think doesnt really matter, not saying all of it but it doesnt matter if they are disappointed and there is nothing to be disappointed bout. Nor ashamed. People struggle. Its life. Life is a package and everybody struggles.
*sends hugs* here if need or want anything. PM is always cool to.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
I'm sorry that your parents aren't more supportive. That must be pretty tough. I can certainly understand that you don't want to disappoint them but please try to remember that asking forhelp is nothing to be ashamed about. It shouldn't be something that causes disappointment. It shows bravery and determination.
I also completely agree with what's been written above - most of the time these types of thoughts can spiral out of control very quickly. Please don't let thing escalate to the point where you lose control and give in to your urges. You've already admitted that you can be quite reckless at times. Being impulsive can get pretty dangerous. I really wouldn't want you to have to deal with the consequences of that. Nobody would.
Thanks >.< Haha... I'm hypocritical.
I guess, but... I'm not as worried about my parents not caring as I am about what if they really do care, what if they realize I've been lying to them for years about being happy and confident, what if they're worried, and want me to just magically tell them everything I never did? I don't know which one they would be since they change so much, and every time I have a conversation with my mom, I can never bring it up either >.<
I don't think there's many places to get help in Taiwan..especially without my parents knowing.. I do talk on RYL and one of my friends... does it count? :/
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight, but I'm just surviving.
The mirror can lie...doesn't show you what's inside. It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.
Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk... I'll always listen.
talking to friends / ryl it counts some :) but professional help can be more useful in long term. how old are you? not sure how it is in taiwan but once you are over 16 you do not have to tell parents. if you can talk even a little to parents it can help you dont have to tell them the details just that things are a bit difficult and you feel seeing someone might help.
this website can help you find some helplines and stuff in your area, can sometimes be useful to have someone completely separate who you can talk to. http://www.befrienders.org/
EDIT: nothing in taiwan but many in china so perhaps you could try calling them if it gets difficult.
Sorry for replying late... My mood swings were too out of whack lately, so I was scared of going online too much. :/
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight, but I'm just surviving.
The mirror can lie...doesn't show you what's inside. It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.
Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk... I'll always listen.
Better than yesterday, but the mood swings haven't stopped, so I'm not sure what that means. >_<
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight, but I'm just surviving.
The mirror can lie...doesn't show you what's inside. It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.
Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk... I'll always listen.
Thank you
Ahh >.< I think I need to stop complaining over here now.
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight, but I'm just surviving.
The mirror can lie...doesn't show you what's inside. It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.
Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk... I'll always listen.
