Worthless & used by people,sick of it! Name: J.A.R
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Iowa, USA
I am currently:
*waves hi* to everyone
then curls up in corner and wishes she could just disappear
Shattered
Different parts & ages: The little girl, "J" who's full of hate, Someone who actually knows happiness, One who's depressed & has no self confidence, "The shell" who just goes through the motions of daily living, numb. Without emotions. All these parts form the person known as J.A.R. I'm no longer whole. These parts need to be combined to make me whole; it's just not known how or if this can be done. Maybe I'll never again be whole, maybe I'll always remain the way I am.
Shattered.
I'm sorry about names... they've all escaped my brain tonight :/
I haven't hurt myself in a long time, I just can't seem to stop thinking about doing it again. its happening all the time and i'm starting to worry myself. I used to feel this way when i self harmed and back then I would just give in. I'm trying to ignore it as I feel like I have some self control over my urges now but Its always on my mind and I'm getting really wound up and short tempered.
Things haven't been easy over the last few months and I just don't want to go back to how I was. My brain keeps telling me it will help but I know its just going to cause me to spiral out of control again.
I really did think I had my feelings under control. It scares me that this is going to go on forever. I can't cope with it.
Omg. You seriously have just written down what I'm feeling too. It's driving me more crazy that I already am. And I've not had counseling or whatever in ages, and GPs never listen to me, so I don't even want to try to get help, which makes things even worse.
I'm so close to overdosing. I don't really care but i'm worried about having to go and get myself checked over because I know that I will be treated like dirt. Maybe I should just not bother getting medical attention. If I die my brother will eventually get over it.
How are you, Mark?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
*hugs all* How are you all??
*hugs Lindsay* Don't OD please. What makes you feel like you need to OD?
sorry I'm not doing individuals.
I had a little accident, when I was riding my bike earlier today I kind of hit a trashcan and fell and scraped my right ellbow and foot so I suck at typing.
Today feels almost as ****ed up as yesterday. So much **** going on it's almost funny.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
ok... i"m gonna restart my comp in hopes it fixes my keyboard and mouse and try to redo my post...
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
ok... 4 hours of intermittent reading, 2 computer restarts and a staff meeting later... the only thing I remember I was going to say was:
Just because you gave in and bought it doesn't mean you have to drink it, Mark *squishes* or for that matter you could give it to a friend or family as a gift if it's a kind they like... :)
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
*hugs everyone*
Hope you're all doing well!
*scurries off to get more work done*
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
*cuddles Mark* Tomorrow is a new day! Can't expect to win with no slips or it wouldn't be an addiction you are trying to break :) Good Night! And since you'll likely get this when you wake up, Day 1 starts now!
I updated my blog with a rant on rampant stupidity and ignorance today and other updates since I last shared if anyone is interested {http://mybusylifeinalaska.blogspot.com/}.
Eventually I'll figure out how to put my song lyrics and other stuff in my siggy bar without it saying I have too many lines... then I'll just throw the link in there. As it is, what is there is the most it'd let me have. I find it odd seeing as I had so much in there before... Hmmmmmmmm.
Last edited by PoisonedApple : 30-06-2011 at 09:49 PM.
Reason: unintended typo
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
I have a major headache at the moment, I think it might be a migraine. Been feeling okay the past couple of days, but certainly lower than previously. Don't know why, but still keeping my head up.
Hope your all doing well <3
If someone ever says to you "You need to stop thinking so much," call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have. If you stop using it, it will atrophy.
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
