Absent fathers must be treated by society in the same way as drink drivers, David Cameron argues today. The Prime Minister, defending the traditional family in an article marking Father's Day, says Britain should be made a "genuinely hostile" place for fathers who abandon their families.
Mr Cameron also reiterates his promise for tax breaks for married couples, a Tory manifesto policy which has yet to be introduced.
I don't personally agree with this, forcing men to feel obligated to stay in an unhappy marriage/relationship is ridiculous. I do believe fathers have a duty of care to the children-to bond with them and financially and emotionally support them, but that shouldn't mean making their own lives miserable.
I also resent the concept of giving married couples tax breaks. What about those who cohabit, gay people who can't legally marry and those who just plain prefer to live alone/with friends. Punishing people for not conforming to the right wing view of the 'perfect' family is ridiculous.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
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The "right wing" view is prevalent around the globe and has been for 1000's of years. Married people also create families - or they used to until meddling governments eroded family etc
I think it's stupid too. No point staying in an unstable relationship, sometimes this is worse for the children. I don't believe it is right to punish those families that don't conform to the 'traditional' family
"Recovery is something that you have to work
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The thing re tax breaks absolutely annoys me, too. I have an attachment disorder due to problems in my own family and childhood, which makes me still not ready for a romantic relationship and marriage aged 41. Why should I be further punished?
I also resent the concept of giving married couples tax breaks. What about those who cohabit, gay people who can't legally marry and those who just plain prefer to live alone/with friends. Punishing people for not conforming to the right wing view of the 'perfect' family is ridiculous.
I don't want to get married particularly. I think it's an outdated, archaic and fundamentally misogynistic idea set up by religious organisations with an effort to control women (and history certainly reinforces that perspective). That doesn't affect my ability to be in a stable and loving relationship, though. If I'm not religious, why should I want to get married?
I think Cameron is flailing a little, though. He's thoroughly pissed people off by u-turning on the health reforms (well, that's what happens if you start pushing forward a reform that isn't a good idea), and is under increasing pressure about the education reform, not to mention the Big Society collapse; it sounds as though he's trying to win over middle Britain by pandering to the idea of the nuclear family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack
The "right wing" view is prevalent around the globe and has been for 1000's of years. Married people also create families - or they used to until meddling governments eroded family etc
Pretty sure most anthropologists would have something to say on that one. Whilst it has definitely had a place in societal history, it's only recently become a standard way of living.
Westermarck and Bloch have written some interesting stuff on primitive relationships ("sexual promiscuity was a more original, and, indeed, a more natural state, than marriage"); life was very much more focused on community rather than individual family, which involved a wider sharing of things like work and childcare (often between a large number of what we now know as families). It wasn't really until C17/C18 that the idea of nuclear family units started to prevail in the Western world. Kibbutzism, joint families, and Intentional Communities spring to mind as primary examples of non-nuclear family set-ups, although there are many more examples out there.
Last edited by Dreaming. : 19-06-2011 at 04:47 PM.
Does he mean separated families...or does he actually refer to parents (because it's not always fathers) who simply **** off and don't emotianlly or financially support their children?
You don't need to force yourself to stay in a miserable relationship to be a good parent. Plenty of families separate and both parents give their children the best of what they can. Like my parents did. I always saw both my mum and my dad and they both supported me through struggles and celebrations. My dad was not an absent father even though he didn't live with us.
My son's father on the other hand....he does f-all for his only child. No financial support, emotional support, has nothing to do with decision making no matter how hard I try to involve him, only sees him once every couple of months for a few hours (he lives 5 minutes down the road)
He has made it quite clear that his life comes first.
I don't understand why it's ok to father a child then refuse to take responsibility. They do deserve a little hostility as far as I'm concerned.
Tax breaks for married couples is ridiculous though. Being married isn't what makes a stable family. Being "together" isn't always best for the family unit. Why should some people be penalised because they were unhappy...or because they were "abandonned"? And yes it is unfair on those who cannot marry.
What's worse? Having a parent present who doens't want to be in your life, but fears the ramifications if he/she leaves, or having a single parent who cares for you alone?
part 1, all parts on youtube. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZDBOH2Hdz8"]YouTube - ‪Geldof on Fathers Part 1‬‏[/ame]
I'll take the problem from someone who lived it rather than someone pushing an anti-male sentiment.
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To MeaCulpa - ^hmmm...I get what your trying to say but I don't imagine either is particularly pleasant.
At 6 years old my son has already decided that his dad doesn't love him.
I would much rather he wasn't around at all. Well, either buck up or piss off. Because I suppose having no contact is easier than having some and then having that taken away for months at a time.
But I don't see why it's ok. I don't understand when it became acceptable for some people to pick and choose their responsibilities.
As a parent, i have had to fight tooth and nail to keep seeing my kids.i have had my mental health used against me, and many threats of 'not being allowed to see my kids' there are parents out there that have been forced to not see their kids, had that right taken away from them for no reason except their ex 'decided' and we are to view these people the same as drunk drivers? yes, i get there are deadbeat dads out there, who have ran away from their responsbilities, and they deserve what they get, but to tar every absent father with the same brush, when for every dead beat, there are fathers who have been fighting for years through courts and everything, and still don't get to see their kids?
Sometimes it is easier to hide where noone knows who you are.
oh ok ill be sure to let my dad know hes just as bad as drunk drivers.. o.o no this is just ridiculous. Yes there are men who run away from their commitments but not always also what about the mums that run away from their kids i know quite a few single dads one who brought up 5 kids by himself from the youngest being a toddler after his wife just ran off, also the families that are together but are abusive.. or a danger to one another or their kids thats no way to live..
Also some people divorce but they dont run from commitment they just leave a relationship that didnt work out which everyone has a right to do. They still stay close with their kids and love them just as much.. they just may not live in the house but they havent left their responsibility of being a dad or mum... and like cakey said that many have to fight through courts and anything else just to see their children and dont give up. (im also sorry for your situation cakey truly am you dont deserve that treatment)
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Thankyou. its been a hard road. Thank goodness i am seeing them twice a week at the moment....and thats after he moved them over an hour away by train....and i pay for my kids....on top of the travel and treats. I just hope that things continue this way....though i am never sure what is round the corner and what he will do next....
Sometimes it is easier to hide where noone knows who you are.
We're not living in the 1920's anymore! The nuclear family is declining whilst lone parent families/cohabiting couples/gay couples etc. etc. are on the rise. Times are changing, Mr Cameron, I'm sorry if we don't all live up to your idealistic and quite frankly unrealistic expectations! You do seem to forget that mothers run away from their families as well. It is disgusting to think that it is only fathers who would be absent whilst the mother is still holding the baby. Although this is generally the case a lot of the time, what about the exceptions?
I hope to God people will learn from their mistakes when they put a deluded, New Right Conservative like Cameron into power. We need to move forward with the times, not try and go back to how it was when Thatcher was in power.
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
As a parent, i have had to fight tooth and nail to keep seeing my kids.i have had my mental health used against me, and many threats of 'not being allowed to see my kids' there are parents out there that have been forced to not see their kids, had that right taken away from them for no reason except their ex 'decided' and we are to view these people the same as drunk drivers? yes, i get there are deadbeat dads out there, who have ran away from their responsbilities, and they deserve what they get, but to tar every absent father with the same brush, when for every dead beat, there are fathers who have been fighting for years through courts and everything, and still don't get to see their kids?
I'm very sorry for what you had to go through, my ex went through something similar in a previous relationship.
i might be missing the point though...I wouldn't consider you or anyone else forced away from their children as "absent" parents. I mean, I guess technically they are, but not by choice. It's a different situation.
Again, maybe it's just me but I consider an absent parent as one who chose to be absent. Not just chose to be separated from the family, but chose to not give a flying ****. Perhaps my definition is wrong. I guess deadbeat is a better term for it.
Anywhos. Have I missed the point? Is Cameron slating separated families when he refers to absent parents or is he referring to parents who refuse to take responsibility? Because there is a difference, and I'm sure even he knows that. Maybe....
